Why stay?

[chicago]

Over the years Ive been here, Ive read so many stories of folk who feel stuck in a dissatisfying relationship because their s/o doesnt share the kink or worse, they are judgmental of it.

For those who this may apply, what drew you to your spouse and what makes you stay?

 

[robmic]

My last ltr was one in looking back on, I was settling. She wasn't ticklish on her feet (my favorite), and hated being tickled in her armpits (my 2nd favorite). It was just a relationship of convenience. I treated her well, had a place to call home, we shared all the bills went to functions together, etc., etc. It was convenient for both of us. But as time went on, she wanted more. So, we broke up, I moved out, and lost all the improvements I made to her house, small barn I built for her Alpacas, and the workshop I built for myself. Oh well. Oh yeah, and I was single again, which is what I hated the most! It's been about ten years now and I'm still single and no tickling at all, but I'm dealing with it. I just don't want to "settle" again. That's probably the biggest mistake I made!

 

[J&B ATW]

My wife loves tickling other girls, but it's not sexual for her like it is for me. She just loves laughing and laughs along with whomever she's tickling.

 

[Wolf]

My wife loves tickling other girls, but it's not sexual for her like it is for me. She just loves laughing and laughs along with whomever she's tickling.

See, I think that's a perfect example of people's interests sort of dovetailing, and how people don't have to have exactly the same interests to be very happy.

 

[chicago]

See, I think that's a perfect example of people's interests sort of dovetailing, and how people don't have to have exactly the same interests to be very happy.

Exactly. Ive even heard of some couples who dont see eye to eye compromising and being open to playing with others.

Thanks for all the responses so far

 

[laughter_n_love]

I've written a blog entry on this very topic. In fact, when I first ready your post, I wondered if it was written as a result of your reading my blog and you were curious about others.

 

[Wolf]

I've written a blog entry on this very topic. In fact, when I first ready your post, I wondered if it was written as a result of your reading my blog and you were curious about others.

I read it, since you pointed it out.

 

[chicago]

I've written a blog entry on this very topic. In fact, when I first ready your post, I wondered if it was written as a result of your reading my blog and you were curious about others.

It did kind of spark it but ive wondered about this topic since i joined tbh

 

[Wolf]

Exactly. Ive even heard of some couples who dont see eye to eye compromising and being open to playing with others.

I think that's cool, as long as everyone's on board with it.
We've got friends who are in open marriages, who are polyamorous, etc. Not our thing, but what do we care?
Whatever makes both people happy. ( or all three, or four....)

 

[J&B ATW]

See, I think that's a perfect example of people's interests sort of dovetailing, and how people don't have to have exactly the same interests to be very happy.

The funny part was - we had been dating for awhile until I worked up the guts to tell her about tickling. She laughed and told me she was nicknamed the "Tickle Monster" growing up. Like I said, it's not sexual, but she's very playful and silly. I guess my point is - for Gods sake, don't hide who you are to your solemate!

 

[Wolf]

The funny part was - we had been dating for awhile until I worked up the guts to tell her about tickling. She laughed and told me she was nicknamed the "Tickle Monster" growing up. Like I said, it's not sexual, but she's very playful and silly. I guess my point is - for Gods sake, don't hide who you are to your solemate!

Exactly! It's a helluva lot more rewarding than the alternative. I've never understood keeping that info from your partner.
Why wouldn't you want your partner to know what your desires are?
Wouldn't you want to know theirs?

Anyways...back to the point.

Like Chicago, I've seen a lot of sad stories, and I wonder why people stay in a relationship where it seems like everyone is unhappy?

 

[FootballGuy]

Beggars can't be choosers!

As a guy, finding a girl who is a) into your kink and b) into you is extremely difficult.

If I only had relationships with girls who were into my kink, I'd have 0 relationships. So you take the next best thing. Sure, it's not as satisfying but what other choice do I have?

 

[chicago]

I think in this case, beggars can be choosers. I guess if youre happy and the other person is too, thats cool, but me id rather be single than settle.

 

[FootballGuy]

Hmmm, but would you spend your whole life single though?

Because if you were in my shoes, that would be your situation. You'd never have a relationship, sex, or any tickling if you weren't willing to settle.

 

[chicago]

Hmmm, but would you spend your whole life single though?

Because if you were in my shoes, that would be your situation. You'd never have a relationship, sex, or any tickling if you weren't willing to settle.

Not necessarily. I dont think you need to be in a manogamous relationship to be happy. I think i would be able to find play just fine. And if not, i would have no issue paying for it.

I just know that i came into the world alone and im not gonna put my happiness in someone elses hands if they cannot meet my needs. For me to consider entering a serious exclusive relationship with someone, they have to be cool with it.

Being single doesnt mean you cant still play or have sex

 

[Wolf]

Not necessarily. I dont think you need to be in a manogamous relationship to be happy. I think i would be able to find play just fine. And if not, i would have no issue paying for it.
I just know that i came into the world alone and im not gonna put my happiness in someone elses hands if they cannot meet my needs. For me to consider entering a serious exclusive relationship with someone, they have to be cool with it. Being single doesnt mean you cant still play or have sex

I think you've hit upon a key point in all these unhappy stories.
It seems a lot of them never bothered to tell their SO what they wanted, so, the SO never got the chance to be cool with it.

 

[chicago]

That could be. I know its hard to bring up to some folk and many are worried about rejection or people being cruel, but thats exactly why you should be open about it with romantic interests. If they arent into it, you know before youre ready to spend your life with them. If theyre cruel, thats a red flag you should be happy to notice again before feelings are serious. Because what does their reaction say about them?

And ultimately, rejection is a part of life and everyone has to face it. Its much easier to take from an aquaintence than someone youve grown to love.

 

[Wolf]

That could be. I know its hard to bring up to some folk and many are worried about rejection or people being cruel, but thats exactly why you should be open about it with romantic interests. If they arent into it, you know before youre ready to spend your life with them. If theyre cruel, thats a red flag you should be happy to notice again before feelings are serious. Because what does their reaction say about them?

And ultimately, rejection is a part of life and everyone has to face it. Its much easier to take from an aquaintence than someone youve grown to love.

Right. I've never seen the logic in waiting to broach the subject until after there's a commitment, or trying to act as if sexual compatibility (rather than just sex) isn't important in a relationship.

 

[robmic]

Not necessarily. I dont think you need to be in a manogamous relationship to be happy. I think i would be able to find play just fine. And if not, i would have no issue paying for it.

I just know that i came into the world alone and im not gonna put my happiness in someone elses hands if they cannot meet my needs. For me to consider entering a serious exclusive relationship with someone, they have to be cool with it.

Being single doesnt mean you cant still play or have sex

Until you get to be my age! Of course, being a young, pretty girl doesn't hurt in your case!

 

[Wolf]

Until you get to be my age! Of course, being a young, pretty girl doesn't hurt in your case!

Dude, you're over 50, aren't you?
The market is heavily favored for males in that age bracket.

 

[Goatboy]

My wife and I compromise. She is beautiful, my best friend, and the best person I know. I could not love her more. But she doesn't really like tickling all that much. She is probably the first or second most ticklish person I have ever met. But she doesn't really enjoy being tickled, or tickling me. However, because she knows how much I like it, she will always let me tickle her during sex, or she will tickle me. It doesn't last more than a few minutes, but really, that is enough for me. And tickling somebody for a few minutes who does NOT have a fetish for it is actually a long time. So she is a good sport, my fetish is satisfied, and I get to be married to an amazing woman.

 

[Wolf]

My wife and I compromise. She is beautiful, my best friend, and the best person I know. I could not love her more. But she doesn't really like tickling all that much. She is probably the first or second most ticklish person I have ever met. But she doesn't really enjoy being tickled, or tickling me. However, because she knows how much I like it, she will always let me tickle her during sex, or she will tickle me. It doesn't last more than a few minutes, but really, that is enough for me. And tickling somebody for a few minutes who does NOT have a fetish for it is actually a long time. So she is a good sport, my fetish is satisfied, and I get to be married to an amazing woman.

Congratulations! Sounds like you guys have the right formula.
Everybody gets a cookie.

 

[chicago]

Until you get to be my age! Of course, being a young, pretty girl doesn't hurt in your case!

Hey now, im actually a 29 year old woman and hopefully theres a bit more to me than what i look like. Lol At least, theres more to sex and play, for me anyway, than looks.

Whats stopping you?

 

[robmic]

Hey now, im actually a 29 year old woman and hopefully theres a bit more to me than what i look like. Lol At least, theres more to sex and play, for me anyway, than looks.

Whats stopping you?

Lots of things actually. More than I want to get into here. Plus, I'm picky. And 29 is a mere child! Enjoy it as long as you can, cause once that freedom slips away, it goes fast! Trust me, I know! There was once a time when I had all the sex and tickling I could want! Now, I'd probably have a hard time finding it with money! (If I could afford it!)

 

[FootballGuy]

Not necessarily. I dont think you need to be in a manogamous relationship to be happy. I think i would be able to find play just fine. And if not, i would have no issue paying for it.

I just know that i came into the world alone and im not gonna put my happiness in someone elses hands if they cannot meet my needs. For me to consider entering a serious exclusive relationship with someone, they have to be cool with it.

Being single doesnt mean you cant still play or have sex

Totally agree on the monogamy part but I was referring to my situation specifically.

I certainly agree YOU could have sex and find tickling without a relationship very easily but let's not pretend our situations are the same. Remember, my hypothetical put you in my shoes. I've had tickling without a relationship and without paying for it exactly once. Pretty much ditto for sex. (So not quite "never" but pretty close). I'll go out on a limb and assume your tickle life has been a bit easier? LOL.

Trust me, as an average guy, you would not find play easily! Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if you got more PMs from random men in an average week than I have from women in the last 10 years