Tickled by a non-ticklish girlfriend

mike_ny · May 12, 2015

I’m a very ticklish person myself, but my girlfriend is absolutely not ticklish. However, she enjoys tickle torture me in long and intense sessions with bondage in a very aggressive way.

During our last session, it came to a point were it got ugly. After about 45 – 60 minutes, I typically reach my breaking point (resulting in tears and crying) and had to use our safeword. She just ignored it and kept on tickling very intensively for an extended period of time. During that time, I experienced all kinds of fear and desperation in a bad way. It was very unpleasant and felt miserable for a couple of days after this session.

I discussed this with her afterwards. Why she was ignoring my physical reactions and our safeword, even after calling it multiple times. She said thing like "it’s just touch" or "it can’t be that bad". In my opinion, these are typical statements from non-ticklish people. She (of course) has zero understanding of the torture and heavy emotions tickling can involve. Since tickling is mainly based on trust and mutual respect, I doubt if she is still the right ler for me and should continue this relationship.

Are there more people here with similar experiences?

MrTicklefeet · May 12, 2015

Nope, but this is lack of empathy, of which we seem to have some people of that type around here. But I agree, she is not the right ler for your playtimes.

ChicagoDavid · May 12, 2015

Wow, I hate to be negative, but she sounds very unempathetic! I can at least comprehend her having a hard time understanding if you were laughing and not crying (but it’s still not okay, because you clearly verbalized the issue). But you were crying, she continued, and she cannot apologize when called on it?! If you don’t want to pull the plug, consider just telling her that you don’t want to do any more tied sessions as a result of that incident. Perhaps that will bring the point home, and at some point, she’ll apologize and pledge that it won’t happen again.

milagros317 · May 12, 2015

Ignoring your safeword, especially when you repeated it, is a major violation of trust. :sowrong:

Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't go into bondage again with a partner who had done that.

TicklishBlackGuy · May 12, 2015

Honestly because she's not ticklish, she doesn't know how much something fun can
turn into something torturous and scary. I had an ex who loved bondage but wanted
me in things I wasn't ready for and made me put them on. I didn't like them, no matter
how much I said no she didn't care. But if you have a safeword she should respect that.

mike_ny · May 12, 2015

Thanks for the replies guys. It is indeed a clear lack of empathy. She knows it and admits it. It's just who she is, she says. At the beginning of our relationship I found this a somewhat attractive trait, but now I realize this can be a big downside.

We still didn't had another session since this happened. She used to tickle me many times in the past, but I feel like there's something damaged during this incident. Telling me she doesn't understand that since there is no pain involved in tickling and recovery comes fairly quick, I'll have another good conversation with her and see if she change her mind about things.

UrGonnaGetTikld · May 13, 2015

mike_ny said:
It is indeed a clear lack of empathy. She knows it and admits it. It's just who she is, she says.

Big red flag. You don't want to be in a long-term relationship with someone like this. She'll screw you over big time at some point.

mike_ny · May 13, 2015

UrGonnaGetTikld said:
Big red flag. You don't want to be in a long-term relationship with someone like this. She'll screw you over big time at some point.

You may be right about this, cause I don't believe people can really change. It's just hard to let go the woman you love.

magic fingers · May 13, 2015

mike_ny said:
You may be right about this, cause I don't believe people can really change. It's just hard to let go the woman you love.

I'm not sure I understand how you can love a woman who's so sadistic, and inconsiderate. Are you sure you love her, or do you love the idea of being tickled by a beautiful young woman?(I'm assuming she's young and beautiful because the "beautiful people" are usually the ones that get away w/this kind of behavior)

I'm also an incredibly ticklish male and I've only dated two women my entire life who weren't ticklish anywhere. From head to toe they were a rock. And like your gf they both delighted in tickling the crap out of me, knowing I couldn't get them back(and that vulnerability, knowing they weren't ticklish was also a huge rush for me). But unlike your gf it was fun, and playful and when I was tied and tickled, each gf stopped as soon as I yelled the safe word.

You also mentioned she's shown a lack of empathy in the past. Has she she tied you up and tickled you previously, or was it just this one time? And previously did she stop when you yelled the safeword?

I'm not a therapist, but based on your posts, it sounds like this woman might be a sociopath, and if that's the case, I suggest you cut your losses, and dump her ASAP. Those people are just wired wrong and they rarely change. If she truly has a lack of empathy and compassion, then UGGT is right, sooner or later, she's going to hurt you.

Tickling should be fun and enjoyable(at least for the people on this forum) not painful and traumatic.

Em Es · May 14, 2015

Wow, she is quite the dominant one

I've been tied and tickled by several accomplished N.Y.C. dominatrices but none ever elected to push me to "Mercy," let alone past the point of begging her to stop. I'd love to finally be broken by a female tickler who is not ticklish so I could know the experience of having a tickler with whom I can't hope to get even mop the floor with me. On that level, I envy you, mike_ny, though I admit I am not sure I'd want it to be my steady resource of tickle action.

If your tickler lady friend refuses to respect your limits, you will either have to learn to live with it or cut her loose. If it comes to the latter, maybe breaking up will make her realize she has to know when to stop. She might ask you to give her another chance and keep the promise of ceasing the tickle torture when you are at your limit.

I imagine it's tough being a ticklee. All a tickler has to do is tickle someone to get his or her rush. But when you are the one who wants to get tickled it is not easy to find someone to satisfy you, so if that is why you are not sure about how to handle your tickler lady friend, I feel for you. She gives you what you want - but then goes too far.

ChicagoDavid · May 14, 2015

I am curious -- why did you (OP) find a lack of empathy to be an attractive trait? I can comprehend accepting it, but I don’t understand viewing it as a positive.

As for the rest, even someone without empathy can be taught about rules and consequences. Like, “you have to agree to stop when I say my safe word or we don’t do this again."

mike_ny · May 14, 2015

magic fingers said:
I'm not sure I understand how you can love a woman who's so sadistic, and inconsiderate. Are you sure you love her, or do you love the idea of being tickled by a beautiful young woman?(I'm assuming she's young and beautiful because the "beautiful people" are usually the ones that get away w/this kind of behavior)

I'm also an incredibly ticklish male and I've only dated two women my entire life who weren't ticklish anywhere. From head to toe they were a rock. And like your gf they both delighted in tickling the crap out of me, knowing I couldn't get them back(and that vulnerability, knowing they weren't ticklish was also a huge rush for me). But unlike your gf it was fun, and playful and when I was tied and tickled, each gf stopped as soon as I yelled the safe word.

You also mentioned she's shown a lack of empathy in the past. Has she she tied you up and tickled you previously, or was it just this one time? And previously did she stop when you yelled the safeword?

I'm not a therapist, but based on your posts, it sounds like this woman might be a sociopath, and if that's the case, I suggest you cut your losses, and dump her ASAP. Those people are just wired wrong and they rarely change. If she truly has a lack of empathy and compassion, then UGGT is right, sooner or later, she's going to hurt you.

Tickling should be fun and enjoyable(at least for the people on this forum) not painful and traumatic.

Relationships can be complicated. It's hard to explain why you fall in love with some people (or not). She's from the same age as me (26) and reasonably attractive, but a bit the girl next door type. We had many previous sessions, ignoring the safeword after crying it out on a few occasions. I never really talked about this with her, until the last session. Since she has a very rough style of tickling (firmly grabbing / poking), her fingers become tired after a while and that's usually the moment we stop.

Consider yourself lucky that you've found girls who are actually respect your limits, even if they're not ticklish themselves. I still feel I'm not ready for another session, to be honest. The ending part of the last one has caused strong reactions of anxiety and distress. It made me feel sick and miserable. Knowing that there is a change that I'll brought back to that point or beyond drives me away from wanting it.

I still need to have a decent conversation with her about this. I'm sure she won't take it really seriously at first, as she considers it all part of the game. Hope I can change her mind.

mike_ny · May 14, 2015

ChicagoDavid said:
I am curious -- why did you (OP) find a lack of empathy to be an attractive trait? I can comprehend accepting it, but I don’t understand viewing it as a positive.

David, I found it attractive from a submissive perspective. Hope that makes more sense.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh · May 14, 2015

I think that she ignored your safeword and therefore the lack of trust is broken. I think you should break up with her, it may be a hard thing to do but sometimes you have to do what's good for you.

MellowTK · May 14, 2015

ChicagoDavid said:
I am curious -- why did you (OP) find a lack of empathy to be an attractive trait? I can comprehend accepting it, but I don’t understand viewing it as a positive.

As for the rest, even someone without empathy can be taught about rules and consequences. Like, “you have to agree to stop when I say my safe word or we don’t do this again."

Not the op, but... it's tough to put into words. There's just something hot about a domme using you for own desires, regardless of your own wants. I think it's sort of an enjoyable fantasy to think about, but obviously very dangerous in actual practice.

ChicagoDavid · May 16, 2015

mike_ny said:
David, I found it attractive from a submissive perspective. Hope that makes more sense.

Ok, thanks for explaining. I still like my idea of being passive/aggressive, and just refusing to be restrained until she asks why.

jayson752003 · Dec 29, 2023

Hope all is well with you and your still mercilessly not ticklish ler gf/ or if you've made the decision to move on to other pastures, hope that's going good as well.

Wade · Dec 30, 2023

mike_ny said:
Are there more people here with similar experiences?

Yeah, multiple times, although the worst offender was probably my ex-girlfriend Laura, who wasn't the least bit ticklish and so regarded my extreme ticklishness with some clinical fascination, as well as a playful sadism that was exacerbated by her having no idea how incapacitating and intolerable a sensation it could be.

I wrote about a few of my experiences with Laura here:

https://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?279807-Dating-the-law-student-(F-M)

cj08901 · Mar 17, 2024

I understand that Emma Watson used to be ticklish, but it went away because her brothers would tickle her a lot.

MikeMenace · Mar 17, 2024

Massive red flag. Like end-of-a-relationship kind of red flag. She's proven that you can't trust her when it comes to your safety.

Tickled by a non-ticklish girlfriend

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