amandahaze
TMF Regular
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2014
- Messages
- 220
- Points
- 16
NOTE--This is the first time I've written it all down. I had started and stopped so many times. You don't know the effect this night has had on my life, and my marriage. And it was 28 years ago this past May.
What Jeff didn't know was that I was definitely going to get some kind of hazing. We had heard stories about what happened to the group the year before--they had been tied to trees and had all kinds of stuff thrown on them and some of them had jumped naked into the lake afterwards to clean off. The students in charge that year had gotten in some trouble when they all got back to campus and the stories got out. To reassure himself about my training weekend, Jeff had decided that nothing was going to happen to me because of the year before. I was told before we left that was not the case, and to expect the worst. To keep him from worrying more than he already was I didn't tell him differently.
In hindsight there were other things I didn't tell him, because I didn't know they mattered at the time, like the "getting to know you" questionnaire we did at an early meeting right after we were hired as dorm assistants. There were 20 questions, some innocent like "who was your best friend in high school and why" and "have you ever had surgery" but there were a couple that seemed silly at the time like "where are you most ticklish?" After we filled those out we all sat around and talked about them over pizza, just everybody sharing what they wanted to--just to break the ice. That last question didn't seem important at the time--some people said they weren't ticklish at all, some said they didn't know a spot. Of course I wrote something like "Definitely my feet." I don't recall ever talking about that though.
Two other things I didn't tell him--how much Marilee disliked me, and how well I got along with Rick, and those facts were somewhat related. See, we were told we were hired in January, and we attended regular meetings/activities with the current dorm assistants. The training retreat was in early May. So I had gotten to know the older students and had hung out with them. Rick was a senior, blond and very cute. He ended up becoming a fighter pilot years later. He and I just seemed to hit it off immediately--he was friendly and had an offbeat sense of humor that I liked. I didn't tell Jeff this until we talked years later, but Rick reminded me of him. Rick and I always sat together at meetings or at meals, and I guess we were flirting, but it really was innocent and fun. I loved Jeff then like I do now, and Rick had a beautiful girlfriend then that he is married to still to this day. There was an attraction between us definitely, but it didn't cross the line. Needless to say, Jeff didn't like him then, and still doesn't.
I also didn't tell him much about Marilee. She was the queen bee of the dorm assistants ("RA's"), and was quite pretty but came across as cold. I think she took an instant dislike to me because I was pretty cute myself but I was very outgoing, silly, and almost like one of the guys. I played basketball in high school, could throw a football better than most guys, and loved to watch sports and talk about them. So immediately I bonded with the guys, especially Rick. I'm sure she saw me as a threat to her authority, and it came across to me early that I had gotten on her bad side. There was nothing I could do about it, so I just didn't worry about it.
I do recall one time around March--we were hanging out playing basketball (the tournament was going on) and I landed funny and got a cramp in my foot. Rick came over and sat me down and took off my shoe and rubbed my foot for just a minute--really not a big deal, nobody was thinking anything sexual at all. We were all between 19 and 22 and this was 1986 and it was just him being nice. But when I thought about it later I don't think Marilee liked me getting that special attention from Rick.
So I left on Friday afternoon with Jeff thinking I was fairly safe. He knew a little about me and Rick and he didn't like that the sleeping arrangements were going to be very co-ed, but he was not too worried about me being mistreated. There towards the end he had heard some stuff about people being hazed with something like a powder puff being "puffed" on them, but that seemed to be the extent of it. We rode in two vans to a secluded state park about an hour away from campus. It was getting dark when we got there and moved into our cabins. There were bunk beds, and Rick took the top bunk over me, and there were 4 other people in the room. All very innocent, and we were there to learn to do a job.
Friday night we had a cookout and a fire--it still got cool at night in early May. We just talked and cut up and had a fun time. We were all told to go to bed early because we were starting at 7AM on Saturday, but we all stayed up much too late. We all stumbled to bed and went out right away.
The next morning we were up early and the tone was edgier. The older RA's kept to themselves during breakfast, Rick included. It very much looked like Marilee was running the show. By 7:30 we were all in a big meeting room doing some silly icebreaker games to wake us up. The morning was filled with lots of short lectures on procedure, liability, legal matters that might arise, and then things like organizing programs for residents. It was a lot of information in a short time, and all throughout they kept referring to something we were going to do in the afternoon.
Lunch was quick and only us 6 new trainees ate together--the older ones were in the cabins doing something. We found out that they were setting up a training exercise called "Behind Closed Doors" where they would create a scene in a room and then we as RA's would go in and handle whatever we saw or were told. It was a great training tool and VERY stressful. Everyone was watching and you didn't know what you were going to find.
Some of them were silly--in one there was a roommate complaining that the other roommate farted all the time and what should he do. Some were more serious, like one where a girl was saying that her mother had passed away and they lived 8 hours away and she didn't know how she was going to get home. The older RA's played the parts at first, and the scene would keep going as long as they wanted to. They would vary between funny and serious, and even absurd. We did this for about 4 hours then took a break.
Except it wasn't a break. It was time for team-building. We played all the games--they were fairly new back in 1986 and are very common today. We got all of us across a wall without touching it, we did trust falls and things like that. All in good fun so far.
At about 6 PM we had supper, again with us newbies separate from everyone else. We were told to report outside cabin 1 at precisely 7PM. When we got there we saw the older RA's holding strips of cloth and rope.
Marilee started talking about trust, about how we needed to know how to completely depend on another person and some such nonsense that probably sounded good to her 20-year-old brain but really was just blather. But the real point was that in just a couple of minutes, the six of us trainees found ourselves blindfolded with our hands tied behind our backs, about to take a walk.
Marilee went on about how it was necessary to make us totally at their mercy so we'd see that we could trust them when it came to the job. I didn't see the connection. It took me a while to figure out that Rick was the one leading me by the arm as we navigated "obstacles" that may or may not have been there, and hiked up and down hills. I never fell down, but I could hear that some others did. The whole thing lasted about 30 minutes, and I was passed around to several of the senior RA's (I guess everyone had a turn with all of us) and some were definitely nicer than others. The whole thing was rather sinister and tense, and strangely quiet. Eventually we were back in front of the cabin.
Marilee then announced that we were going to be quizzed on what we had learned that day. Of course she asked impossible questions, and for each incorrect answer given the person would have water dumped over their heads, or flour thrown on them, and even mud smeared on their faces. We all got very wet and very dirty, and everyone was getting a little upset. After probably 30 minutes of this they untied us. We were told to go take showers and report to the big room at 9. We did, all clean and sweet smelling.
Here's a part of the story that Jeff leaves out--first they had us play a special round of "Behind Closed Doors". One had a case where a roommate complained that his roommate always walked around naked, and while he was telling the trainees who were handling this, one of the senior guys walked in with nothing on but a towel, he dropped it, and got into the bed. Much shock and laughter. The next case involved a girl who found lots of sex toys that her roommate had in the dresser--great opportunity to embarrass the trainees by making them handle a dildo. The one I got (we were doing these in pairs), involved a closed door where you could hear some ruckus going on inside, followed by a girl saying "Stop...stop" and laughing. We knocked and identified ourselves (as we were supposed to) then opened the door to find a scene where a girl (one of the other senior girls) was handcuffed to the bed and her boyfriend (Rick) was standing over her. She was in bra and panties only. We got to talk about that one for a while, and I don't remember exactly what we decided to do if that should ever really happen.
Now, finally to the main part of the story. We were told that we had to each do one more thing to "pass" our training. Here's where Jeff gets it mostly right. First, to "warm us up" they made us all get in the middle of the room and dance to "Poison Ivy" and they laughed. Then Marilee told us that we were going to have to "prove" our commitment.
She blindfolded Mike and Gina and made them go into a small closet, barely big enough for one person, and exchange all their clothes, so Mike came out wearing her underwear, shorts, bra, shirt, socks and as much of her shoes as he could put on. She had on his clothes too. Then she gave them each a tube of lipstick and told them to put it on each other still blindfolded.
Next, Todd and Katie had to take turns putting a condom onto the dildo from earlier, while the other one held it between their legs. Then she made them do it again blindfolded. I saw in Jeff's version he had them reading out loud a Penthouse letter, but that didn't happen. Not sure where he got that.
Last up were me and Brendan. Jeff felt about Brendan only slightly better than he felt about Rick. Leave it at that. And Marilee had planned this one just for me I'm sure.
First I had to lay on the floor and put my legs up into the seat of a chair. Brendan was blindfolded and told to take off my shoes and socks. I will admit now that this whole thing was embarrassing, which is what she/they wanted of course. I was laying on the floor in a big room with 16 other people looking at my bare feet.
It's very important to remember here that in 1986 girls did not wear flip flops everywhere. If there were sandals they were leather, but many girls then wore either boat shoes or keds, or socks and Reeboks like I did. Feet just were not on display like they are now. Pedicures were not an every-week thing. Now my feet were in fine shape because my boyfriend (Jeff) liked them, but my toenails were not painted. Marilee knew that and made her next order--since I didn't paint my nails, Brendan had to do it, also blindfolded. Poor kid, I don't know how he felt about feet, but he did the best he could--it took a lot of him feeling my toes, trying to find out where the nail was, and then trying to get the brush onto it. I don't know how long it took, but it was a while, and he was sweating by the end. Maybe because he knew what was coming next.
We switched places and I was blindfolded and had to paint his toenails. I took off his socks and was surprised at how soft his feet were. I didn't mind handling them at all. I had already kissed and licked Jeff's several times by then so it was no big deal. I didn't get a great look until much later, but I think I did a pretty good job on his nails. Of course all the guys were grossed out looking at his feet and me touching them.
Here's where Jeff's version is also not quite accurate--I never took off the blindfold. Marilee was practically cackling when she said there was one more thing we had to do--play a game of tic-tac-toe. Nancy (an older RA) and Rick had me lay back down on the floor. Rick stretched my arms over my head and used handcuffs to fasten them around the leg of a sofa. Nancy took the rope from earlier and tied my ankles together, then tied my legs to the seat of the chair, winding it around my calves several times. I was really helpless and really embarrassed now, and didn't even think to wonder how I was supposed to play tic-tac-toe.
And actually it was Nancy and Brendan who wrote on my feet. Marilee would never had lowered herself to touch them herself. Nancy drew a tic-tac-toe square on my left foot with what I found out later was a black ball point pen. Oh my god it tickled. You can't imagine. I had never been tickled on my feet, and the first pass of the pen caused my toes to curl and clench so tight. Of course that meant she had to trace over the lines again. It was agony, and they had just started.
But I made up my mind to try not to give Marilee what she wanted, which was to see my laughing and crying hysterically and begging for them to stop. I did snort one time early, and my feet and toes clenched involuntarily, but the most they got out of me was a low, almost constant chuckle. I never asked them to stop. Each time one of them wrote a letter on my sole I could hear others in the room laughing nervously, or saying things like "Oh no" or "Poor Amanda." I think there was even some discussion among some of them wondering if they could take it, but I couldn't hear a lot because I was focused on not breaking.
I almost did when the switched to my right foot. Two other people (I still don't know who) took a turn, and one of them scratched their pen back and forth rapidly on my foot, as if trying to make ink come out. That little bit caused me to jerk and try to pull away, and everyone laughed loud at that, as if relieved to see me react. Apparently some of the senior guys had no hangups about feet, or about messing with mine, because they sounded like they were having great fun playing their games at my expense. I don't think Rick ever did tickle my feet that night, but if he had I would not have been mad. It was part of the game, and I really wasn't mad at any of them because I know that if it had been someone else I probably would have taken a turn--it's all just silly stuff. The only one I never liked out of all this was Marilee. It seemed like everyone else was just goofing around, but her tone and attitude about the whole thing was very hateful.
Next came the very worst part, and the thing that convinced me that Marilee was after me. She announced that since they got into so much trouble the year before, they'd need to clean up the evidence. She made the other 5 trainees get toothbrushes (I hope not their own) and clean off the bottoms of my feet. That was a million times worse than the pens were, and I admit that I did buck and laugh more during that than earlier. I think my fellow initiates were trying to take it easy on me, but there was not a way they could do it that didn't tickle. They didn't get it all off, but I made sure to get it off myself before coming back to Jeff.
For the record, Rick apologized to me about a dozen times. I never asked him, and he never told me if he participated. I did tell him that I had a cramp in my foot from all the toe curling, and he rubbed my feet as I went to sleep. Jeff does not like that detail and always leaves it out.
What Jeff didn't know was that I was definitely going to get some kind of hazing. We had heard stories about what happened to the group the year before--they had been tied to trees and had all kinds of stuff thrown on them and some of them had jumped naked into the lake afterwards to clean off. The students in charge that year had gotten in some trouble when they all got back to campus and the stories got out. To reassure himself about my training weekend, Jeff had decided that nothing was going to happen to me because of the year before. I was told before we left that was not the case, and to expect the worst. To keep him from worrying more than he already was I didn't tell him differently.
In hindsight there were other things I didn't tell him, because I didn't know they mattered at the time, like the "getting to know you" questionnaire we did at an early meeting right after we were hired as dorm assistants. There were 20 questions, some innocent like "who was your best friend in high school and why" and "have you ever had surgery" but there were a couple that seemed silly at the time like "where are you most ticklish?" After we filled those out we all sat around and talked about them over pizza, just everybody sharing what they wanted to--just to break the ice. That last question didn't seem important at the time--some people said they weren't ticklish at all, some said they didn't know a spot. Of course I wrote something like "Definitely my feet." I don't recall ever talking about that though.
Two other things I didn't tell him--how much Marilee disliked me, and how well I got along with Rick, and those facts were somewhat related. See, we were told we were hired in January, and we attended regular meetings/activities with the current dorm assistants. The training retreat was in early May. So I had gotten to know the older students and had hung out with them. Rick was a senior, blond and very cute. He ended up becoming a fighter pilot years later. He and I just seemed to hit it off immediately--he was friendly and had an offbeat sense of humor that I liked. I didn't tell Jeff this until we talked years later, but Rick reminded me of him. Rick and I always sat together at meetings or at meals, and I guess we were flirting, but it really was innocent and fun. I loved Jeff then like I do now, and Rick had a beautiful girlfriend then that he is married to still to this day. There was an attraction between us definitely, but it didn't cross the line. Needless to say, Jeff didn't like him then, and still doesn't.
I also didn't tell him much about Marilee. She was the queen bee of the dorm assistants ("RA's"), and was quite pretty but came across as cold. I think she took an instant dislike to me because I was pretty cute myself but I was very outgoing, silly, and almost like one of the guys. I played basketball in high school, could throw a football better than most guys, and loved to watch sports and talk about them. So immediately I bonded with the guys, especially Rick. I'm sure she saw me as a threat to her authority, and it came across to me early that I had gotten on her bad side. There was nothing I could do about it, so I just didn't worry about it.
I do recall one time around March--we were hanging out playing basketball (the tournament was going on) and I landed funny and got a cramp in my foot. Rick came over and sat me down and took off my shoe and rubbed my foot for just a minute--really not a big deal, nobody was thinking anything sexual at all. We were all between 19 and 22 and this was 1986 and it was just him being nice. But when I thought about it later I don't think Marilee liked me getting that special attention from Rick.
So I left on Friday afternoon with Jeff thinking I was fairly safe. He knew a little about me and Rick and he didn't like that the sleeping arrangements were going to be very co-ed, but he was not too worried about me being mistreated. There towards the end he had heard some stuff about people being hazed with something like a powder puff being "puffed" on them, but that seemed to be the extent of it. We rode in two vans to a secluded state park about an hour away from campus. It was getting dark when we got there and moved into our cabins. There were bunk beds, and Rick took the top bunk over me, and there were 4 other people in the room. All very innocent, and we were there to learn to do a job.
Friday night we had a cookout and a fire--it still got cool at night in early May. We just talked and cut up and had a fun time. We were all told to go to bed early because we were starting at 7AM on Saturday, but we all stayed up much too late. We all stumbled to bed and went out right away.
The next morning we were up early and the tone was edgier. The older RA's kept to themselves during breakfast, Rick included. It very much looked like Marilee was running the show. By 7:30 we were all in a big meeting room doing some silly icebreaker games to wake us up. The morning was filled with lots of short lectures on procedure, liability, legal matters that might arise, and then things like organizing programs for residents. It was a lot of information in a short time, and all throughout they kept referring to something we were going to do in the afternoon.
Lunch was quick and only us 6 new trainees ate together--the older ones were in the cabins doing something. We found out that they were setting up a training exercise called "Behind Closed Doors" where they would create a scene in a room and then we as RA's would go in and handle whatever we saw or were told. It was a great training tool and VERY stressful. Everyone was watching and you didn't know what you were going to find.
Some of them were silly--in one there was a roommate complaining that the other roommate farted all the time and what should he do. Some were more serious, like one where a girl was saying that her mother had passed away and they lived 8 hours away and she didn't know how she was going to get home. The older RA's played the parts at first, and the scene would keep going as long as they wanted to. They would vary between funny and serious, and even absurd. We did this for about 4 hours then took a break.
Except it wasn't a break. It was time for team-building. We played all the games--they were fairly new back in 1986 and are very common today. We got all of us across a wall without touching it, we did trust falls and things like that. All in good fun so far.
At about 6 PM we had supper, again with us newbies separate from everyone else. We were told to report outside cabin 1 at precisely 7PM. When we got there we saw the older RA's holding strips of cloth and rope.
Marilee started talking about trust, about how we needed to know how to completely depend on another person and some such nonsense that probably sounded good to her 20-year-old brain but really was just blather. But the real point was that in just a couple of minutes, the six of us trainees found ourselves blindfolded with our hands tied behind our backs, about to take a walk.
Marilee went on about how it was necessary to make us totally at their mercy so we'd see that we could trust them when it came to the job. I didn't see the connection. It took me a while to figure out that Rick was the one leading me by the arm as we navigated "obstacles" that may or may not have been there, and hiked up and down hills. I never fell down, but I could hear that some others did. The whole thing lasted about 30 minutes, and I was passed around to several of the senior RA's (I guess everyone had a turn with all of us) and some were definitely nicer than others. The whole thing was rather sinister and tense, and strangely quiet. Eventually we were back in front of the cabin.
Marilee then announced that we were going to be quizzed on what we had learned that day. Of course she asked impossible questions, and for each incorrect answer given the person would have water dumped over their heads, or flour thrown on them, and even mud smeared on their faces. We all got very wet and very dirty, and everyone was getting a little upset. After probably 30 minutes of this they untied us. We were told to go take showers and report to the big room at 9. We did, all clean and sweet smelling.
Here's a part of the story that Jeff leaves out--first they had us play a special round of "Behind Closed Doors". One had a case where a roommate complained that his roommate always walked around naked, and while he was telling the trainees who were handling this, one of the senior guys walked in with nothing on but a towel, he dropped it, and got into the bed. Much shock and laughter. The next case involved a girl who found lots of sex toys that her roommate had in the dresser--great opportunity to embarrass the trainees by making them handle a dildo. The one I got (we were doing these in pairs), involved a closed door where you could hear some ruckus going on inside, followed by a girl saying "Stop...stop" and laughing. We knocked and identified ourselves (as we were supposed to) then opened the door to find a scene where a girl (one of the other senior girls) was handcuffed to the bed and her boyfriend (Rick) was standing over her. She was in bra and panties only. We got to talk about that one for a while, and I don't remember exactly what we decided to do if that should ever really happen.
Now, finally to the main part of the story. We were told that we had to each do one more thing to "pass" our training. Here's where Jeff gets it mostly right. First, to "warm us up" they made us all get in the middle of the room and dance to "Poison Ivy" and they laughed. Then Marilee told us that we were going to have to "prove" our commitment.
She blindfolded Mike and Gina and made them go into a small closet, barely big enough for one person, and exchange all their clothes, so Mike came out wearing her underwear, shorts, bra, shirt, socks and as much of her shoes as he could put on. She had on his clothes too. Then she gave them each a tube of lipstick and told them to put it on each other still blindfolded.
Next, Todd and Katie had to take turns putting a condom onto the dildo from earlier, while the other one held it between their legs. Then she made them do it again blindfolded. I saw in Jeff's version he had them reading out loud a Penthouse letter, but that didn't happen. Not sure where he got that.
Last up were me and Brendan. Jeff felt about Brendan only slightly better than he felt about Rick. Leave it at that. And Marilee had planned this one just for me I'm sure.
First I had to lay on the floor and put my legs up into the seat of a chair. Brendan was blindfolded and told to take off my shoes and socks. I will admit now that this whole thing was embarrassing, which is what she/they wanted of course. I was laying on the floor in a big room with 16 other people looking at my bare feet.
It's very important to remember here that in 1986 girls did not wear flip flops everywhere. If there were sandals they were leather, but many girls then wore either boat shoes or keds, or socks and Reeboks like I did. Feet just were not on display like they are now. Pedicures were not an every-week thing. Now my feet were in fine shape because my boyfriend (Jeff) liked them, but my toenails were not painted. Marilee knew that and made her next order--since I didn't paint my nails, Brendan had to do it, also blindfolded. Poor kid, I don't know how he felt about feet, but he did the best he could--it took a lot of him feeling my toes, trying to find out where the nail was, and then trying to get the brush onto it. I don't know how long it took, but it was a while, and he was sweating by the end. Maybe because he knew what was coming next.
We switched places and I was blindfolded and had to paint his toenails. I took off his socks and was surprised at how soft his feet were. I didn't mind handling them at all. I had already kissed and licked Jeff's several times by then so it was no big deal. I didn't get a great look until much later, but I think I did a pretty good job on his nails. Of course all the guys were grossed out looking at his feet and me touching them.
Here's where Jeff's version is also not quite accurate--I never took off the blindfold. Marilee was practically cackling when she said there was one more thing we had to do--play a game of tic-tac-toe. Nancy (an older RA) and Rick had me lay back down on the floor. Rick stretched my arms over my head and used handcuffs to fasten them around the leg of a sofa. Nancy took the rope from earlier and tied my ankles together, then tied my legs to the seat of the chair, winding it around my calves several times. I was really helpless and really embarrassed now, and didn't even think to wonder how I was supposed to play tic-tac-toe.
And actually it was Nancy and Brendan who wrote on my feet. Marilee would never had lowered herself to touch them herself. Nancy drew a tic-tac-toe square on my left foot with what I found out later was a black ball point pen. Oh my god it tickled. You can't imagine. I had never been tickled on my feet, and the first pass of the pen caused my toes to curl and clench so tight. Of course that meant she had to trace over the lines again. It was agony, and they had just started.
But I made up my mind to try not to give Marilee what she wanted, which was to see my laughing and crying hysterically and begging for them to stop. I did snort one time early, and my feet and toes clenched involuntarily, but the most they got out of me was a low, almost constant chuckle. I never asked them to stop. Each time one of them wrote a letter on my sole I could hear others in the room laughing nervously, or saying things like "Oh no" or "Poor Amanda." I think there was even some discussion among some of them wondering if they could take it, but I couldn't hear a lot because I was focused on not breaking.
I almost did when the switched to my right foot. Two other people (I still don't know who) took a turn, and one of them scratched their pen back and forth rapidly on my foot, as if trying to make ink come out. That little bit caused me to jerk and try to pull away, and everyone laughed loud at that, as if relieved to see me react. Apparently some of the senior guys had no hangups about feet, or about messing with mine, because they sounded like they were having great fun playing their games at my expense. I don't think Rick ever did tickle my feet that night, but if he had I would not have been mad. It was part of the game, and I really wasn't mad at any of them because I know that if it had been someone else I probably would have taken a turn--it's all just silly stuff. The only one I never liked out of all this was Marilee. It seemed like everyone else was just goofing around, but her tone and attitude about the whole thing was very hateful.
Next came the very worst part, and the thing that convinced me that Marilee was after me. She announced that since they got into so much trouble the year before, they'd need to clean up the evidence. She made the other 5 trainees get toothbrushes (I hope not their own) and clean off the bottoms of my feet. That was a million times worse than the pens were, and I admit that I did buck and laugh more during that than earlier. I think my fellow initiates were trying to take it easy on me, but there was not a way they could do it that didn't tickle. They didn't get it all off, but I made sure to get it off myself before coming back to Jeff.
For the record, Rick apologized to me about a dozen times. I never asked him, and he never told me if he participated. I did tell him that I had a cramp in my foot from all the toe curling, and he rubbed my feet as I went to sleep. Jeff does not like that detail and always leaves it out.
Thanks for sharing your very intense experience here. 
