In my own, humble opinion, if it is a relationship you are looking for, you are better off finding the right person for you, AND THEN introducing her to your "secret world", not vice versa. You don't wanna be in a relationship with someone absolutely incompatible with you personality-wise who just happens to share your fetish. It is very easy to tickle a girl when you are in the early/flirty stages of a relationship, then find out if she likes it or absolutely hates it. So you know where she stands on the tickling front. In the first case, it is not too hard to then show her how wonderful it can be in the context of sexual games. Most girls I know like to be tied up anyway. In the second case, at least you know if you still want her, or if you should stay away.
In my own, limited experience, this has worked every time. All girls are different, and they all have their limits (I met a girl who LOVED being tickled, but who could really NOT stand it if it lasted to long [in other words: quick tickles okay, torture not okay], another one who, although liked it, far preferred to tickle ME, etc...), but I have yet to meet one who did not warm up to the idea, once I had weeded out the absolutely not ticklish/not interested ones in the very early stages.
Voilà. I hope this helps somehow. I am soon going to marry my longstanding tickling partner; we did not meet through any website, just the old-fashioned way: at a friends' party. Try it, it should work!
Maybe it's because I've had the opposite experience but I disagree with this. I'm currently doing the opposite.. I just got out of a year long relationship with a wonderful person who wasn't into tickling as a kink. She would endulge me, sure, but it was never enough, and at a certain point I realized I liked being with this person but resented the lack of sexual fulfillment that tickling brings me. Oh, and she was strictly monogamous so as long as I was with her there was absolutely no chance of getting what I wanted. And it wasn't just her.. I had been doing this for years, with the same results - being with people who find it fun but nowhere near on the level that I do, feeling sexually unsatisfied, blah blah blah... it just all sucks.
So when this previous relationship ended, I said "fuck it.. I'm gonna find someone who likes what I like, dammit!" because I can only take so much of this being sexually unfulfilled in a relationship thing.
I mean.. if you can end a relationship the minute you realize that this person isn't going to be able to fulfill your desires, then I guess do that.. but I was never so great about it. I'd end up with an otherwise totally wonderful person and then feel selfish trying to end it over
that, and then I'd stay with them anyway. So.. that's on me I guess. But I can't do it anymore..
Anyway.. also want to address OP directly here. I've been there. I've accepted that whole "universe I'm not allowed to be a part of" thing. And I still struggle with it, I still feel especially invisible in the community sometimes.. but I'm gonna tell you something: it's not true. But also, you can't expect that universe to suck you into it, you have to force your way into it. Whatever advice you took, take it 10x more seriously. Whatever communities you're in,
be (more?) active in them! my problem was always that I expected the community to embrace me, but it's the other way around.. you have to embrace the community, and then you
might get something out of it (because honestly, nothing is ever guaranteed, except that if you do nothing you'll get nothing).
And I mean.. you live in NYC. I'm kinda sitting here scratching my head on that one, to be honest. You have a million more options than someone like me living in a rural, conservative fuckscape does.. so, find them and utilize them!
You just have to put yourself out there, hope for the best but expect the worst, and keep trying until something happens!