Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,928
- Points
- 38
Lord of the Wrongs, scenes 1 & 2 (a porno farce - Warning: vulgar language and sex)
What a wonderful surprise to wake up to! Two spanking new media sections, this and Non-Tickling Artwork! All the thanks in the world to the HDS for his work in making this happen! I hereby dedicate my first story contribution to him!
... which happens to be an ersatz porno screenplay, entitled "Lord of the Wrongs". Written back in 2003 and based, of course, on the works of J.R.R. Tolkien ("The Hobbit", primarily), it's more farce than pornography: the sex acts are not delineated in any detail, as its purpose was more humor than titillation. There's plenty of implied sex and lots of profanity, though, so be warned.
This story is broken into 12 "scenes", the first two of which (being short) I present now. I'll submit the other 10 in order, once a week, until the whole thing is finished.
Fade-in on a blinding white glare which fills the screen. Gradually, the brilliant light resolves itself into swirling, churning mist.
Narator: Travel along with me... back to a time long forgotten... back to a hidden age of mystery and enchantment...
The mist is swept away to reveal the parchment of a weathered map. Slow zoom-in on the map, which displays a vast expanse of ocean.
Narator: Journey to a mystical, magical island where lurid adventures abound...a captivating, carnal kingdom known to all as...
The camera focuses on a tiny dot of land. As the view draws nearer, the island gains definition and detail.
Narator: ... Diddle Earth!
Medium shot of the island in its entirety. Irregular coast and interior structure (myriad mountains, valleys, bays, rivers, forests, etc.) combine to form a stylized likeness of a naked couple locked in the passions of tangled, orgiastic sex.
Narator: Diddle Earth! A merry realm where high and low, rich and poor, top and bottom alike desire nothing more than peace and plenty. And ‘til recently, everyone was getting a piece, and plenty of it, too. But alas, the once stiff resolve of the people has turned flaccid. For a malignant odor now fills the formerly fragrant air, a wafting taint from the fetid, far-eastern vale of Whordor.
Pan right to the eastern end of the island, focusing on the woman’s genitalia, marked “Valley of Whordor”.
Narator: As the great, questing, central digit of Whordor’s Master extends to probe every province in the land, all save one has submitted to the terror of his dark, dominating touch.
Pan left to the opposing western shore. Focus on the male genitalia, represented by a high hill, marked on the map as “The Spire”.
Narator: Only in the distant safety of The Spire may fair folk still lead free lives, defiant of the growing gloom.
Zoom-in on the hill. As more details of The Spire become apparent, the image dissolves from the parchment map to an EXTERIOR aerial view of a genuine landscape.
Narator: Yet, can even the stolid Spire long withstand the stroking stranglehold of Whordor’s clammy grasp?
High-angle view of a small round wooden door built into the side of the hill. The camera approaches closer and closer.
Narator: Sadly, some of its more bizarre inhabitants are too distracted to pay proper attention.
Dissolve from the previous scene to the INTERIOR of a tunnel. The mood-lighting is low and make-out music can be heard in the background. Sprawled side by side on a fluffy round bed, are two indistinct forms.
Female: But I’m nervous. I’ve never made it with anyone like you before.
Male: Then you’re in for a treat!
Female: Is it really true what they say about you folk?
Male: Let’s find out, shall we! (sound of a zipper.) There! How does that strike you?
Female: Oh my! It’s so soft and furry!
Male: It ain’t that soft, baby!
Female: (with apprehension) But it’s so small!
Male: (indignantly) I told you! Size doesn’t matter! (more mollifying) You just watch what I do with it!
Groaning and grunting.
Female: Oooooh! I’ve never felt anything so bristly!
The conversation drifts into low coital moans and giggles. Suddenly, there is a sharp rapping sound.
Female: What happened? Did I break it?
Male: Relax. That didn’t come from me.
The coupling continues. Soon, the rapping is repeated.
Female: What is that?
Male: A Peeping Tom. A woodpecker. What the hell do I know? Ignore it!
The coupling resumes once more. But so does the rapping, more insistent this time.
Female: Someone’s at the door. You better get that. It might be important.
Male: You shittin’ me?! I’m almost there!
Female: But he’s killing the mood!
Cut to an EXTERIOR close-up of the door. The tip of a phallus-headed staff raps furiously on the wood.
Male: (from inside) All right! All right, already! Keep your shorts on! I’m coming! (muttering to himself)...or at least I was!
The male, Dildo Dinkwood, opens the door, squinting into the bright sunlight.
Dildo: Look, asshole, I already subscribe! Now beat it!
The phallus descends again, rapping him on the head.
Dildo: Hey! What the fuck?!
Grandstaff: (off-screen) Dildo! Dildo Dinkwood! Well, it’s about time!
Dildo: Grandstaff?! Is that you?
Cut to a low-angle shot of Grandstaff. He’s dressed in the billowy long coat and broad-brimmed hat of a pimp suit.
Grandstaff: Of course it is, you grotty little Throbbit! I am Grandstaff, and Grandstaff is me! Grandstaff the Procurer! Shall I rap you with my Rod of Authority once more to convince you?
Dildo: No! No! That won’t be necessary! I’ve got no desire to feel your Rod!
Grandstaff: Then wipe the lust from your eyes and come with me. I have a very important job for you.
Dildo: Geez, boss! Now? (confidentially) Your timing could be better. I’m just auditioning some new talent.
Grandstaff: Another low-rent tart? Forget her!
Dildo: But she’s a blonde! A real blonde!
Grandstaff: Dildo my boy, you think small. That’s why you never get anywhere. Just what is your profession, may I ask?
Dildo: I’m a buggerer, chief. You know that.
Grandstaff: Exactly! And I have need for one. A great, golden world waits to be plucked by smart operators, but how much of it have you seen? Only the inside of a few squalid holes! I can put your equipment to far more profitable use. Now pull up your pants and meet me at the tavern in ten minutes.
Dildo: Okay, okay. Which one?
Grandstaff: Mine, dolt! The Prancing Penis! I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t be long.
Grandstaff exits.
Dildo: (calling after him.) No sir! A Throbbit is never long. (looking slyly back inside.) But he can be pretty quick when he wants to!
He dashes back into the tunnel, slamming the door.
Next week – Scene 3: “Many Meatings”.
Link to Scene 3: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?p=337528#post337528
What a wonderful surprise to wake up to! Two spanking new media sections, this and Non-Tickling Artwork! All the thanks in the world to the HDS for his work in making this happen! I hereby dedicate my first story contribution to him!
... which happens to be an ersatz porno screenplay, entitled "Lord of the Wrongs". Written back in 2003 and based, of course, on the works of J.R.R. Tolkien ("The Hobbit", primarily), it's more farce than pornography: the sex acts are not delineated in any detail, as its purpose was more humor than titillation. There's plenty of implied sex and lots of profanity, though, so be warned.
This story is broken into 12 "scenes", the first two of which (being short) I present now. I'll submit the other 10 in order, once a week, until the whole thing is finished.
* * *
Lord of the Wrongs
a screenplay by I. D. Flower
Scene 1: “Tour de Farce”.
Lord of the Wrongs
a screenplay by I. D. Flower
Scene 1: “Tour de Farce”.
Fade-in on a blinding white glare which fills the screen. Gradually, the brilliant light resolves itself into swirling, churning mist.
Narator: Travel along with me... back to a time long forgotten... back to a hidden age of mystery and enchantment...
The mist is swept away to reveal the parchment of a weathered map. Slow zoom-in on the map, which displays a vast expanse of ocean.
Narator: Journey to a mystical, magical island where lurid adventures abound...a captivating, carnal kingdom known to all as...
The camera focuses on a tiny dot of land. As the view draws nearer, the island gains definition and detail.
Narator: ... Diddle Earth!
Medium shot of the island in its entirety. Irregular coast and interior structure (myriad mountains, valleys, bays, rivers, forests, etc.) combine to form a stylized likeness of a naked couple locked in the passions of tangled, orgiastic sex.
Narator: Diddle Earth! A merry realm where high and low, rich and poor, top and bottom alike desire nothing more than peace and plenty. And ‘til recently, everyone was getting a piece, and plenty of it, too. But alas, the once stiff resolve of the people has turned flaccid. For a malignant odor now fills the formerly fragrant air, a wafting taint from the fetid, far-eastern vale of Whordor.
Pan right to the eastern end of the island, focusing on the woman’s genitalia, marked “Valley of Whordor”.
Narator: As the great, questing, central digit of Whordor’s Master extends to probe every province in the land, all save one has submitted to the terror of his dark, dominating touch.
Pan left to the opposing western shore. Focus on the male genitalia, represented by a high hill, marked on the map as “The Spire”.
Narator: Only in the distant safety of The Spire may fair folk still lead free lives, defiant of the growing gloom.
Zoom-in on the hill. As more details of The Spire become apparent, the image dissolves from the parchment map to an EXTERIOR aerial view of a genuine landscape.
Narator: Yet, can even the stolid Spire long withstand the stroking stranglehold of Whordor’s clammy grasp?
High-angle view of a small round wooden door built into the side of the hill. The camera approaches closer and closer.
Narator: Sadly, some of its more bizarre inhabitants are too distracted to pay proper attention.
End of Scene 1.
Scene 2: “A Dildo in the Dark”.
Scene 2: “A Dildo in the Dark”.
Dissolve from the previous scene to the INTERIOR of a tunnel. The mood-lighting is low and make-out music can be heard in the background. Sprawled side by side on a fluffy round bed, are two indistinct forms.
Female: But I’m nervous. I’ve never made it with anyone like you before.
Male: Then you’re in for a treat!
Female: Is it really true what they say about you folk?
Male: Let’s find out, shall we! (sound of a zipper.) There! How does that strike you?
Female: Oh my! It’s so soft and furry!
Male: It ain’t that soft, baby!
Female: (with apprehension) But it’s so small!
Male: (indignantly) I told you! Size doesn’t matter! (more mollifying) You just watch what I do with it!
Groaning and grunting.
Female: Oooooh! I’ve never felt anything so bristly!
The conversation drifts into low coital moans and giggles. Suddenly, there is a sharp rapping sound.
Female: What happened? Did I break it?
Male: Relax. That didn’t come from me.
The coupling continues. Soon, the rapping is repeated.
Female: What is that?
Male: A Peeping Tom. A woodpecker. What the hell do I know? Ignore it!
The coupling resumes once more. But so does the rapping, more insistent this time.
Female: Someone’s at the door. You better get that. It might be important.
Male: You shittin’ me?! I’m almost there!
Female: But he’s killing the mood!
Cut to an EXTERIOR close-up of the door. The tip of a phallus-headed staff raps furiously on the wood.
Male: (from inside) All right! All right, already! Keep your shorts on! I’m coming! (muttering to himself)...or at least I was!
The male, Dildo Dinkwood, opens the door, squinting into the bright sunlight.
Dildo: Look, asshole, I already subscribe! Now beat it!
The phallus descends again, rapping him on the head.
Dildo: Hey! What the fuck?!
Grandstaff: (off-screen) Dildo! Dildo Dinkwood! Well, it’s about time!
Dildo: Grandstaff?! Is that you?
Cut to a low-angle shot of Grandstaff. He’s dressed in the billowy long coat and broad-brimmed hat of a pimp suit.
Grandstaff: Of course it is, you grotty little Throbbit! I am Grandstaff, and Grandstaff is me! Grandstaff the Procurer! Shall I rap you with my Rod of Authority once more to convince you?
Dildo: No! No! That won’t be necessary! I’ve got no desire to feel your Rod!
Grandstaff: Then wipe the lust from your eyes and come with me. I have a very important job for you.
Dildo: Geez, boss! Now? (confidentially) Your timing could be better. I’m just auditioning some new talent.
Grandstaff: Another low-rent tart? Forget her!
Dildo: But she’s a blonde! A real blonde!
Grandstaff: Dildo my boy, you think small. That’s why you never get anywhere. Just what is your profession, may I ask?
Dildo: I’m a buggerer, chief. You know that.
Grandstaff: Exactly! And I have need for one. A great, golden world waits to be plucked by smart operators, but how much of it have you seen? Only the inside of a few squalid holes! I can put your equipment to far more profitable use. Now pull up your pants and meet me at the tavern in ten minutes.
Dildo: Okay, okay. Which one?
Grandstaff: Mine, dolt! The Prancing Penis! I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t be long.
Grandstaff exits.
Dildo: (calling after him.) No sir! A Throbbit is never long. (looking slyly back inside.) But he can be pretty quick when he wants to!
He dashes back into the tunnel, slamming the door.
End of Scene 2.
Next week – Scene 3: “Many Meatings”.
Link to Scene 3: http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?p=337528#post337528
Last edited:
) is a bit of a long'un, so don't rush 
