Introduction/ looking for a little advice

Wow, I’m actually kind of nervous, I feel like this is a sort of “coming out” for me.

I’ve been a lurker here on and off for years now, even before I was technically allowed to be here (come on, I’m not the only one, right?). I just felt like it was time to finally say “hello” to everyone. I think this place is great; I’ve never been able to talk freely about my tickling interests, so I look forward to being able to chat with you all.

That being said, I have a bit of a dilemma that maybe some of you might be able to identify with. Sorry if this is kind of lengthy, especially for my first post. Thanks for bearing with me.

I’ve been fascinated with tickling nearly my entire life, nearly as far back as I can remember, and yet I’ve only ever mentioned it to three people. One being my mother when I was younger and I felt guilty for having this fetish (she was surprisingly comforting and understanding about it). The other two times were with boyfriends.

I told my previous boyfriend about it a few months into our relationship. I didn’t even tell him it was a fetish, I just said I enjoyed it, and that was all it took. I was treated to good tickles nearly every day I saw him of our year and a half relationship.

I met my current boyfriend years ago back in high school and we became good friends. He was definitely part of my tickling fantasies way back when. After we hooked up last month I figured since we were dating, I may as well tell him about it. He’s a bit of a whips and chains guy himself, I figured he would understand.

Well, he was cool with it, and I was thrilled, since it had almost been a year since I broke up with my last boyfriend and was in need of some awesome tickling. Despite my boyfriend being my best friend, I was hoping I really wouldn’t have to bring it up again that much since I am still kind of shy about it.

He’s tickled me for prolonged periods of time before, but either to be a pain in the ass (when he knows I have to use the bathroom, he gets a kick out of torturing me a little) or once to cheer me up. During the latter experience it was in front of other people, so I couldn’t appreciate it freely, and once I finally dragged him to his bedroom so we could continue to play in privacy, he totally stopped.

It’s horribly frustrating. I do things for him all the time I know he enjoys, I’ll rub his neck, kiss his ears, little things like that that I know he appreciates, hoping to be on the receiving once in a while. It doesn’t have to be sexual at all, a playful tickle fight that lasts for all of two minutes can totally make your day, you know?

I hope this doesn’t sound like a case of “girlfriend expecting the boyfriend to read her mind”. I’m pretty sure “I have a tickling fetish” is as clear as I could make it 😀. Beyond that I’ve tried to give him lots of little hints. He mentioned watching tickling videos together at some point so I sent him a few just so he could see what exactly it is that I am into. I’m constantly tickling him just in hopes of retaliation. I brought up going to NEST before. No luck.

Just to be clear, I don’t think he’s intentionally holding out on me. He just doesn’t seem to get it, for some reason. I’m just assuming that maybe since he’s a bit more vanilla then me, he doesn’t quite understand how much it means to me so it never occurs to him to indulge me.

So, I guess my question is, after this horribly long-winded post, is have you ever had a mate that just didn’t get it? I know people have had partners that hated tickling, or thought it was really weird. I’m talking about those that just couldn’t seem to grasp how much it means to you, even if you’ve spelled it out for them? Like, "Oh, cool, they like tickling" but it's such a foreign idea to them that tickling could be more then a childhood pastime that they kind of immediately push it to the back of their mind?

I know the obvious answer is, “Well, just bring it up again”, but it’s so hard. Today was what drove me to finally de-lurk here. I was on the verge of just coming out and asking him if he would tickle me, and I just couldn’t do it. It got caught in my throat. I think I would have an easier time of telling him I was pregnant then asking him for this one thing. Even though he's reassured me multiple times that it doesn't squick him out, I feel so odd actually asking for it.

Anyone else have this kind of problem before?

Heya, welcome and congratulations on the delurkination, lamb. ^_^ Not to worry...truth be told, I was one of those sneaky underaged lurkers back when I started here, as well... x)

Hmm...about that question of yours... First off, sorry to say that I haven't been in such a relationship in which my significant other just didn't understand my fetish, since...well, I haven't told my first two girlfriends, and the current one of whom I told actually (shockingly) has it, too. xD So, sorry 'bout that...but hmm...

Seems you're in a bit of a bind, huh? I completely understand how it's so hard for you to just completely lay it all out in the open in hopes that he'd fully understand your desires...definitely a tough thing...but if laying subtle hints isn't doing the trick, either, then...

Well. lol. Umm, personally, I don't really see any other way of getting him to fully understand other than continuing to drop bigger hints for him to pick up (which would, however, probably not really make him understand the true importance of tickling to you, and may result in a few tickles, but...still no complete understanding...which would suck), or by flat-out sitting him down and telling him exactly how you feel about it (as you've established already, it's HARD to do...but perhaps that's the only way to get him to fully understand?). Either way, it looks like you're going to have to choose between those two options. Though I was never in that situation, so I wouldn't really know if there is a third option... x)

Perhaps, if it's so hard to tell it to him personally, you can try a different way of informing him of your feelings. Seems like you're a good writer, from that post of yours...so maybe it would be easier if you wrote him a letter explaining everything? Then you could say what you need to say without worrying about stumbling or chickening out or any of that, leave the letter somewhere he can see it, at a time that you're not there with him...and by the time you see each other again, perhaps it would be easier to confront the issue?

If your boyfriend truly loves you and cares about you, then, no matter what happens, he shouldn't have a problem with what you're suggesting. It's part of who you are as a person, after all, right? So if he accepts you, chances are he'd gladly understand and accept your feelings and may indulge you accordingly. Would be another way for him to have fun with you, as well, besides being a jerk whenever you need to use the bathroom! 😀

lol, in any case, welcome again to the TMF. Great job at coming out with all of this! It's definitely a bold step, and I'm sure the reward for it will be wonderful. ^_^

C'ya around! 😀

From an old geezer that came out of the tickle "closet" at 53, I would say clear your throat & try again
Perhaps watching a video "together", & making some comments like "That looks like fun", or "Maybe you could do that to me" comments that may put some "ideas" in his head. 😉 Hope it works out for you.

I've shared this dilemma, but I eventually just told him straight out - but it much plainer terms.

I say...send him this post. That oughta clear it up. ;P

First, welcome Lamb!

You may also have a boyfriend who is not a reciprocator.

He likes the nice things you do but has to be told how to make you feel good, he may simply not get it.

Besides the tickling, does he do other things you like, like nibble your ears, or rub your back, or anything? If not, you may have to prod him quite a lot, it may not be ingrained in him to reciprocate!

Greetings!

Welcome!
Well, urm, having read your post, I may suggest - unless I've missed something in your post because I can miss the obvious - that you just get to the point and say:

"Tickle me you idiot!"

Sometimes being blunt is what people need.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy yourself here.

Welcome to the forum lamb....

Having been married for 16 years to the most vanilla person you could ever meet, I know where you are coming from.....needless to say I held back and never said a word to her and eventually we found ourselves bored with each other and drifting apart. We eventually divorced..

When I met my current wife I vowed never to hide my feelings or anything else...though she did not understand my fascination for tickling, she was more than willing to indulge my desires....eventually she took part in the forum and attended a gathering with me and is now very much into all of this...

I am not saying that this will happen in your case, but you will never find out if you do not pursue it...you do not want to go on forever "waiting" for him to figure things out....it rarely works out favorbly in those cases...

So I say.....tell him how you feel...tell him what you like....and ask him what things he likes even though you may think you already know....this makes it about the both of you and not just about what you want and he may be more receptive.....

(Great first post) Glad to have you with us......

Hello lamb,

Welcome to the TMF. Congratulations on making your first post, and what probably was a difficult one too.

Many of the users above have provided good advice. Mine falls into the 'tell him' but be 'very direct' sort.

You say he's into things that are a bit kinky, so I see little risk of you being blunt. Tell him what you like, and why you like it, and that you need a measure of it to be happy. Discuss. Talk. Communicate.

Things will probably go a lot smoother then you expect.

Myriads

Hi, Lamb, and welcome.

Thing is, us guys can be wonderfully obtuse. Tell him straight out, that this is what you want, and see where it goes from there. The very best of luck to you!

I say guys can be obtuse, but girls can too - the amount of girlfriends who I've had to spell out my love of tickling to...sheesh! I'd have thought it was pretty obvious!

lamb said:

I feel so odd actually asking for it.

Anyone else have this kind of problem before?

Click to expand...

Ko..First of all..I think it's so cool that you are de-lurking.. and this is a fanfuckintastical post, regardless of length.

Welcome. 😀

And as far as your situation goes..I have had that problem to an extent. And can totally relate with the 'asking for it'. I just don't do it. Period. But there ARE ways to make it work..

Or..perhaps you just need to continue becoming familar with yourself, and your interests before even broaching the subject..I'm not sure..I'm not you.

If this is something that you really need to get off your chest to him..then just tell him..pick a time where you feel most comfortable and just let it out..It's going to be the hardest thing you are ever going to do..but if he's made it clear that it won't weird him out..you're already one ace in the hole.. He's not going to run away screaming. 😉

All you need to do is get there mentally..and you're in.

Good Luck.

Tons of fantastickle advice already having been given...

...anything else I might add would be echoing their sentiments. So I'll just say Welcome to the Forum, and congratulations on delurking! Here's hoping that joining us will lead you to lots of laughs and friendships.

Have you tried coming out and saying, "I need you to tickle me more, like a lot more"? Saying "I need you to tickle once or twice a day, working my whole body over and keeping on going and going and going no matter how loudly I scream and no matter how much I seem like I'm begging you to stop"? Saying "I need you to be sadistic with it, and when you feel like it's time to stop, don't"?