About 10 years ago, some friends at work and I would try coming up with Letterman style Top Ten lists. Somebody would pick a topic and do numbers 10 and 9, then the next guy would do 8 and 7, etc. Some were lame, but others not too bad. Anyway here are the Top 10 Best Kiss Off Lines:
10) Fuck you and anybody who looks like you!
9) Tom, I'm leaving you for someone who makes me feel like a whole, complete woman. And yes, that someone's name is Jane!
8) You're so funny you should be on stage. There's one leaving in ten minutes!
7) I'm just going out to get a few things...Smokes, some Pepsi, a brand new life in a different town under an assumed name...
6) Don't worry dear. It's nice and comfortable there in the trunk. Just relax. Oh, and don't mind the water seeping in. That just means I'm going through the car wash. Yeah, that's it. The car wash.
5) Okay, I've cleaned out the accounts, cancelled the utilities and the phone, ran up your credit cards, gave all your clothes to the Salvation Army and, oh yeah, I called the IRS and gave them proof that you've cheated on your taxes for the last ten years. I think that's everything. See you later!
4) Now here's the address. It's off Benning Road in Southeast. Yeah, just find the big guy in the nice colorful clothes and fur coat, tell him that I sent you and you're looking for work. He'll set you right up. I'm telling you, this is the opportunity of a lifetime!
3) Hey, YOU were the one who made me stop drinking! Is it my fault that when I'm sober, you're ugly?!
2) Honey, let's take seperate vacations. I'll go to Hawaii and you go to Hell.
1) Oh, that's just a myth. Of course you can blow dry your hair in the tub!
10) Fuck you and anybody who looks like you!
9) Tom, I'm leaving you for someone who makes me feel like a whole, complete woman. And yes, that someone's name is Jane!
8) You're so funny you should be on stage. There's one leaving in ten minutes!
7) I'm just going out to get a few things...Smokes, some Pepsi, a brand new life in a different town under an assumed name...
6) Don't worry dear. It's nice and comfortable there in the trunk. Just relax. Oh, and don't mind the water seeping in. That just means I'm going through the car wash. Yeah, that's it. The car wash.
5) Okay, I've cleaned out the accounts, cancelled the utilities and the phone, ran up your credit cards, gave all your clothes to the Salvation Army and, oh yeah, I called the IRS and gave them proof that you've cheated on your taxes for the last ten years. I think that's everything. See you later!
4) Now here's the address. It's off Benning Road in Southeast. Yeah, just find the big guy in the nice colorful clothes and fur coat, tell him that I sent you and you're looking for work. He'll set you right up. I'm telling you, this is the opportunity of a lifetime!
3) Hey, YOU were the one who made me stop drinking! Is it my fault that when I'm sober, you're ugly?!
2) Honey, let's take seperate vacations. I'll go to Hawaii and you go to Hell.
1) Oh, that's just a myth. Of course you can blow dry your hair in the tub!
