12 Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

[Limeoutsider]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you SURE COULD USE SOME MORE MONEY! Ask, "How long can I
keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back?" (10 seconds)

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" start to sniffle and
say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and
I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my dog just died, "
describe your recent surgery... Continue talking about your problems over
their sales pitch. (4 minutes)

3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell
his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is
located, how do you spell that... (5 minutes)

4. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!!"
(Assuming her name is Judy,) "Is this really you? I can't believe it!
Judy, how have you BEEN?" This will give Judy a few brief moments of
terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
(1 minute)

5. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and
keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun
if you can keep going until they hang up. (3 seconds if they know the
Federal "3-No's" law, 2 minutes otherwise)

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I
don't have any friends...would you be my friend?" (15 seconds)

7. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about
goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?" (8 seconds)

8. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal feedback in
the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's
fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you.
When they get back to the sales, just tell them you couldn't give your
credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger. (6 minutes)

9. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example:
Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey
I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh,
Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's
business/the weather?" (2 minutes)

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their
phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to
give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them
you will call them at home. If the person says, "Well, I don't really
want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! I know HOW YOU FEEL!" (smiling, of
course...) (1 minute)

11. When they ask for a specific person, get choked up, then tell them
he/she just died and hang up sobbing. (12 seconds)

12. When they call and ask for (Steve, Mike or whomever) ask them who is
calling. When they identify themselves, tell them
that Steve or Mike or whoever they are calling is in jail. That might
even get you taken off of the calling list! When they ask who YOU are,
say you are his brother. (45 seconds)

 

[sole seeker]

I used to pretend to be a religeous fanatic. As soon as they began their speil I'd say, "Have you heard the word of the Lord today?" Then I'd wing it, quoting chapters and verses from the bible. This only had limited success, though, so now I have a much better way to deal with 'em:

As soon as they get started I say, "Wow, glad you called, I'm dying to hear about this but there's someone at the door. Let me put you on hold for a minute, I'll be right back!" I put the phone on hold and lay it down on the counter. I usually check back between thirty minutes and an hour later. 😀 Hey, it works for me!

 

[Limeoutsider]

Being a reverse telemarketer, I can say that we're only allowed to wait 2 minutes at max for people. WHen you have religious people coming door to door, if you tell them your Pagan or Wiccain, they never ever come back