‎9 Things I Hate About Everyone

[tickler101:)]

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
...
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

 

[socktickler86]

Thjis was not as interesting as I hoped it would be.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

It's a gesture. Maybe you're deaf. Maybe I'm just indicating that I forgot
to wear my watch today and don't want to look like a douche for asking
what time it was if I had my own watch on.

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Because I want to know where my fucking remote is, whether or not I'm
going to use it right this minute. If it disappeared because my dog ate it,
then I need to take his ass to the emergency after-hours vet immediately.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

It's two different ways of saying it. It's the same thing. Eating your cake
is the same as having your cake. So physiologically speaking you can't do
both of those at the same time. You could eat a piece of cake, and then
have another. Or vice-versa. But no, you really can't have your cake, and
eat it too, at the same moment.

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

It means it's the last place you would *think* to look. "Oh hey! I found my
keys in the garbage disposal! THAT'S THE LAST PLACE I WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT TO LOOK! Incidentally, it's also the last place I looked before I
found my keys."

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

Some of us have ADD and miss shit all the time. Or maybe it was something
really subtle, and easily something that could be missed.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

Asking permission to ask a personal question is not the same thing as
a question itself. You're comparing apples to garlic.

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

I'll give you this one.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

What can you do that's longer? Be a fucking tortoise, that's what.

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Maybe you, too, missed the last bus and are waiting for the *next*
bus. So if it's 8:57, and I run up to the bus stop to catch the 8:55
bus, and I see you standing there, either the bus is running late, or
you are, and therefore missed the bus, just like me.



You are welcome!

 

[Capnmad]

Funny. These are the same things George Carlin hated.

 

[Bohemianne]

Life is short. >>

 

[Bothersome]

The phrase, 'Life is short' is speaking in relative terms. You know; 'big picture'.

Pull your head out of the dirt, and suddenly you realize that your life isn't the only thing that has happened in the Universe. In fact, out of the 14 billion or so years that have passed, the 80-100 years that you'll see isn't even a pixel on your high-definition T.V.

In fact, the entire existence of the human race isn't even a blip on the radar in comparison, and it likely never will be.

So yeah, life is short.

 

[CrystalLight]

I like to rip off Carlin's humor and pass it on as my own too.

It's the only reason I mildly amuse people.

Until they figure out it's Carlin.. & not me.

 

[tickler101:)]

I like to rip off Carlin's humor and pass it on as my own too.

It's the only reason I mildly amuse people.

Until they figure out it's Carlin.. & not me.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

 

[Bothersome]

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

But... you're not George Carlin.

So stop being him.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

. o O (remembers a time long long ago when George Carlin was actually funny)