A Christmas poem by dussicar

[Dussicar]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Guy's can't wrap gifts for shit.

After tonight's fiasco, I'm swearing by gift bags. Every time I look in my closet, post carnage, I'm hit with a wave of the closest thing to clinical depression you can imagine.

But, on the upside, it's whats IN the gifts that count. Right?

That's what I'll tell myself. It will help me sleep better at night.

 

[naveltkltr1350]

Lmao! i feel ya pain brah!

 

[RottingLies]

why did my post to this thread get deleted? 🙄

 

[His Divine Shadow]

From what Nessie wrote as the reason, you posted offensive lyrics. And after looking at it, while not entirely delete-worthy on its own, because this was supposed to be a thread about Christmas poems, or rather, a Christmas poem, it was innappropriate and off-topic.

 

[gallicus]

Lol, I hear ya. I'm a horrible wrapper as well. Heh, on the one hand it does make it interesting since the way I wrap sometimes makes the gift look a different shape than it really is. I generally just stick everything in boxes now though, and wrap those since I have the ability to at least wrap rectangular objects with a sembilance of skill.

 

[RottingLies]

From what Nessie wrote as the reason, you posted offensive lyrics. And after looking at it, while not entirely delete-worthy on its own, because this was supposed to be a thread about Christmas poems, or rather, a Christmas poem, it was innappropriate and off-topic.

LOL ok

 

[Dussicar]

Lol, I hear ya. I'm a horrible wrapper as well. Heh, on the one hand it does make it interesting since the way I wrap sometimes makes the gift look a different shape than it really is. I generally just stick everything in boxes now though, and wrap those since I have the ability to at least wrap rectangular objects with a sembilance of skill.

YES! Rectangular objects are a bit easier for me too. But, I still suck quite intensely even with those.

 

[Dussicar]

Alright, I recant my previous statement.

When it comes to wrapping up action figures...I ROCK!!!

 

[alchemy1]

Hey man, I am one gift wrapping mofo! Sure, they may not always be done with one piece of paper. You know, sometimes you think you have enough and then you still have an inch or two of gift showing. Simple, just cut another piece about the same width and fill the hole...ok so maybe it's not always even done with the same paper...and maybe it doesn't always COMPLETELY cover the hole, but basically it does the job...basically... Oh, and I use too much tape as well...Heh, this one package i wrapped it actually took a welding torch to...well anyway... They look good dammit! They..uh..have character. Yeah, that's it, character! Lots of character...lots and lots of character...lots...

 

[Dussicar]

Hey man, I am one gift wrapping mofo! Sure, they may not always be done with one piece of paper. You know, sometimes you think you have enough and then you still have an inch or two of gift showing. Simple, just cut another piece about the same width and fill the hole...ok so maybe it's not always even done with the same paper...and maybe it doesn't always COMPLETELY cover the hole, but basically it does the job...basically... Oh, and I use too much tape as well...Heh, this one package i wrapped it actually took a welding torch to...well anyway... They look good dammit! They..uh..have character. Yeah, that's it, character! Lots of character...lots and lots of character...lots...

Ah, yes. The time honored tradition of "calico packaging." I know it well. This is the staple of all male gift ensconcers. Sadly, even though I had more than enough wrapping to tape a strip in the bare patch, for some reason I always ended up with multi-coloured parcels anyhow. Oh, well.

Telling yourself that your desired gift has character is the first step of denial...Which as a fellow male, I condone completely. My system is usually to wrap them and then shut them away. We must learn from your example and embrace the fantasy 😀

If nothing else, you, me, and Naveltklr1350 can always start up a support group. I might know a place. Over at the YMCA and down the hall from the other support group for men who used the seashell shaped soap that their wives placed on the back of the toilet FOR DECORATION ONLY!

LOL. Cheers. Merry christmas.

 

[Dussicar]

I'm resurrecting this thread from last year for one reason and one reason alone:

It's still just too true!

I attempted tonight. I honestly did!

I still blow hard chunks of congealed confection table scrapings when it comes to gifts.

Why didn't I go with gift bags? WHY!?!

 

[coloman]

Wrapping Christmas packages can be nicely avoided by giving cash or gift certificates which nowdays come in the form of a credit card. Nobody I know ever complains that the money is the wrong color or that the gift certificate is the wrong size. CD's or DVD's are also fun to give as Christmas presents and they have all kinds of fancy gift bags at the stores that they can be slipped into easily. Like most men I hate shopping period and the crowds at Christmas time as well so I always try to give cash or gift certificates instead of presents that also need to be wrapped. It might be the easy way out and not as personnal too but like I said nobody has ever returned a gift certificate to me or complained about finding a money envelope in their stocking with a crisp new bill inside of it that didn't fit nicely in their wallet or purse.

 

[Dussicar]

Wrapping Christmas packages can be nicely avoided by giving cash or gift certificates which nowdays come in the form of a credit card. Nobody I know ever complains that the money is the wrong color or that the gift certificate is the wrong size. CD's or DVD's are also fun to give as Christmas presents and they have all kinds of fancy gift bags at the stores that they can be slipped into easily. Like most men I hate shopping period and the crowds at Christmas time as well so I always try to give cash or gift certificates instead of presents that also need to be wrapped. It might be the easy way out and not as personnal too but like I said nobody has ever returned a gift certificate to me or complained about finding a money envelope in their stocking with a crisp new bill inside of it that didn't fit nicely in their wallet or purse.

Yes, these are always an excellent idea. But, the problem is that I shop for kids. Though they understand the value of money and the freedom to do what they want with it, the big issue is that they all expect cold hard wrapped boxes under the tree.
Your idea is always the best choice for those who have no idea what to get others(or for people like me who are flaming tardwads when it comes to wrapping), but would get me outright LYNCHED should I do this to a small army of rugrats.

So, in the sake of self preservation, I must continue...

 

[Dussicar]

YEESH!

It just keeps getting worse. Today I attempted to wrap three parcels no more than one square foot in size. Guess how much wrap it took.

3/4 of a damn roll!

I just can't seem to find gift bags I like.

 

[CheshireCatNY]

I guess I must be some kind of abberation of nature over here.....I rock at gift wrapping....to the point where I was made head gift wrapper at my job this year. Every year people try to sucker me into wrapping stuff for them....

 

[Dussicar]

Alrighty, then. This time around, I just wrapped eight gifts and only ONE was so mutilated beyond repair that I had to tear the crappy paper off and start over. I will not be a professional gift wrapper by any means, but I'm sure as hell getting there...Probably in about six more years.

However, I still have quite a few more to go. I'll be on pins and needles until the whole thing is done.