A couples perspective

[Raya]

Ray & I were talking tonight about what we do.. going to gatherings.. playing with others. Our play tends to be .. well, playful.. but for many others we know that it may not be so easy to "flip that switch" from sexual to playful...

This made us wonder if any of you have ever had trouble.. either being tickled by someone not your significant other or watching your significant other be tickled by someone else.. Has it ever been hard to remember that this IS just play? Caused any strain between you? How did you work it out? Hopefully, you did work it out!?

The same question applies, perhaps, to the cyber side of things..

We thought this might be an interesting topic to approach on the radio, briefly (or not) depending on how many respond.

If you would like to respond but don't feel comfy on the open board, you may send me or Ray a pm and we will not identify you by name/handle if we quote you.

 

[Raya]

Chrisums..

Perhaps that is yet another reason why my husband and I have tended to gravitate towards other "couples" of the TMF. Granted we have made friends with many on the board who are not a part of a duo, and have played with many of them, and enjoyed it thoroughly. I have noticed that when playing with another couple, however, a lot of the watchfulness goes away creating a more comfortable environment.

I trust my husband implicitly, but I would have to say that there has only been one occasion where I have left the room while he was "down", being tickled by another female, (whether part of a couple or not). That occasion was with LeeAllure, partly because I wanted to deprive him of any fictional "safety net" he might feel he had due to my presense, and in large part because I also trust HER implicitly.

Thanks for responding! I very much appreciate your perspective.


Tracy

 

[-Hari-]

ah cool, I've got some strong opinions on this but i'l save and call in on tuesday. Any excuse ey 😉

 

[Myriads]

While I don't have a wife/significant other, the question made me think about something that I delt with in my days of going to B&D and S&M gatherings.

As a Dominate I'd often form friendships with women in the local communities that attended these events. Sometimes we would play on our own time outside events, and sometimes we would build our friendships on the phone (all this was pre-internet days) also outside the events.

I found as a Dom I'd often end up having propritory feelings about these submissives at meets. That they should play with ME, not others. That my connection to them outside the gatherings, the friendships that I'd built with them somehow created a kind of agreement about who got to do stuff to them. It annoyed me to see others playing with them.

Utterly off the mark thinking, and inappropriate. But as a young Dom, it was something that I had to spend a lot of time working out so I could let go of it. It took me a long time to see that my basic Dominate aspects were feeding this idea back into the rest of me. I was projecting my desire of control farther then it should have gone, given the nature of the relationships. I think in any form of intimate power exchange play, where there is also outside relationship building factors about, this sort of thing can happen.

I have no doubt that I damaged a few good potential friendships by being overly possesive before I caught onto what I was doing. But I cut myself slack, I was young, and learning. Often until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like to have it happen to you. All I can say is that one needs to keep an eye on what one os feeling, and keep checking it against reality to avoid issues.

Anyhow, just thought that it would be of value to note that there is an aspect to the OP question that holds for other types of relationships also.

Myriads

 

[Raya]

ah cool, I've got some strong opinions on this but i'l save and call in on tuesday. Any excuse ey 😉

Use any excuse you want, Hari. We love to hear from you! I look forward to hearing your opinions.. ;-)

I found as a Dom I'd often end up having propritory feelings about these submissives at meets. That they should play with ME, not others. That my connection to them outside the gatherings, the friendships that I'd built with them somehow created a kind of agreement about who got to do stuff to them. It annoyed me to see others playing with them.

..........Anyhow, just thought that it would be of value to note that there is an aspect to the OP question that holds for other types of relationships also.

Myriads

I know that many others on the forum also enjoy the BDSM lifestyle and they may find this input helpful. I was (as part of a couple) looking at this primarily from a "in a committed relationship" angle, but you've helped me to see that this is not necessarily the case.

Even for those who are not into the dom/sub thing, this could apply. Becoming possessive or experiencing jealousy if someone else plays with someone you've played with.. or who has played with you..

One could even tie that in with the original slant.. If one of those parties is in a committed relationship, how does it or has it affected things in that relationship.

Thanks to those who've responded so far. I really appreciate the input! And understand that it may not be an easy topic to talk about..

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Good topic, Tracy!

For Drew and I, it's much easier to play with other couples. The same reasons that you note apply. If someone is in a committed relationship, we tend to assume that they'll be behaving themselves.

While this is true more often than not, it's still not 100%. We've experienced a couple of people over the years who don't seem to be bothered by crossing boundaries and turning things sexual even though we've said that it would be unacceptable. This has occurred with the significant other right there watching. Obviously, we no longer play with those people.

However, that being said, we still like to hang/play with other couples unless it's someone who we really know and trust. We trust one another completely and have never had any issues with one another in that regard. But, if we don't know someone well or haven't played with them, we aren't taking any chances on what their intentions would be once they got us tied down. There are very few people that we would leave the other alone with...or who we'd want to be left alone with.

 

[tickleshotel]

Being a single female with not a S/O or a boyfriend who hasn't attended gatherings or experienced tickling with me in a group setting , I am speaking for myself here and my point of view.
When I have had occasions to share tickling with a couple whether they were engaged,married the tickling has always been playful nature and with both the wife,husband present and the boundaries,limitations are clear and respected. First, not only because I have a good friendship with one or both of the couple but also because I am the kind of person that does not want to make anyone uncomfortable in any way,shape or form and that goes for the one being tickled or the other partner observing or participating in some way. Being tickled is playful for me and I do get aroused,but I have self restraint and after the play has ended and the after -care that is given according to their wishes,then I go off privately on my own and that is nobody's business but my own .
Thinking further, for myself when I am involved intimately with someone special I care about and love and engage in tickling, my partner will need to be comfortable tickling me privately one on one or public ,seeing me being tickled by other guys with certain boundaries,limits and he should not be jealous because there isn't anything for him to be jealous of in my opinion , he has alot more of me for him exclusively that I don't share with everyone ,and I do enjoy tickling other guys and don't overstep limits .

 

[venray]

So far there a some really good responses here. I know that early on Tracy and I had a few moments of "concern" but those quickly passed as we attended more functions where play took place. We became comfortable with the way in which each one of us played and in the way we chose those to play with, so it was easy to adjust. We will discuss this more tonight, but please continue to share your thoughts...

 

[dvnc]

It's a great topic. I can't count the number of people that have mailed to join my events, and then asked about one aspect of this or another.

It's so varied, too.

I'm comfortable with tickling as non-sexual. The tired old analogy I use, and will drag out again, is that tickling is like kissing. It depends how it's applied. Mom don't get the kiss that my lover gets. Neither do babies. Nor friends, and I do kiss friends. Irritates the hell outta Phillip... another topic, though.

It's the headspace, for me, that makes the difference. That's been true for me since before I found our community, though. Running my gatherings for so many years has made it an easy divide for me.

It ain't that way for everyone, though. Toughest part is remembering where your behavior affects theirs, and their situation.

 

[-Hari-]

right, i tried phoning in but in conclusion i suck 😛
first the mic wasnt set up right and then i blanked out, its waaay to early,. and im knackered so, *sips my tea* heres what i was trying to say but my british mumble got the better of me.

Inbetween relationships ive had a couple of sessions and i basically it was awkward, i didnt feel comfortable, i felt like i was sharing a sexual time with pretty much a stranger and i spent near the whole time thinkin about what i was doing and no time mentally being there to enjoy it. so for me to play with someone who im not in a relationship hasnt yet worked out for me.

slightly more on topic i havent ever had anyone else tickle mygirlfriend, i simple wouldnt like it, shes submissive and lets me tickle her because its me not because she likes it, altho she does enjoy it to an extent but not the same way we do, and now that im in a relationship i wouldnt feel right playign with anyone else either, probably because every successful tickling moment ive had has been in a sexual time with close one, so my mindset is adapted to that. usre i suggest it alot on the forum and in chat etc but if it ever boiled down to it, ide not play with anyone from here while in a relationship, if i wind up single again, which is always possible(kinda hope not tho) im sure i could give it a shot again, but ide probably approach the situation alot differently.

on the subject of non sexual tickling from friends.. i have lots of friends that know about me, the guys dont say anything about it, but the girls play on it, cause i tend to flirt anyway, im comfortable using the tickling aspect of my life in my flirting and this i dont have an issue with, girlfriend or not, as it is just abit of fun and completely different to being tied down etc,

due to my lack of expeience with gatherings and sharing ticklign with other people involving my girlfriend i havemnt much more to add, i cant say how i have felt abotu it cause i havent done it, but based on what i have done,, i can imagine what it may be like

something else ide add is if i was in a relationship with a girl off here.. i think ide have a different outlook on it, as i would know they would fully understand tickling liek i do, and maybe then, sessioning with others ina non sexual setting could be looked at, but with someone out of the loop i just think it would be very odd and awkward t even suggest let alone do...

its early and some of that may have made no sense 😀 but i hope it did...i dunno, get what you will from it 😉

im going to work now. 😛 i doubt il be back on until thursday evening chatroomwise as il be with the lady, but il post from my phone 😀

much love ladies and gents

P.S i aint ringing the radio anymore... sorry crystal 😉

 

[Snail Shell]

I've really, REALLY got to trust a person before tickling play becomes sexual.

Snail Shell