nessonite said:
It isn't always some secret code that means you (the guy) can go jump off a cliff. 🙂 Of course there are some girls who would probably say it that way to be polite.
Ness, that's very sweet of you to say, but it is a fact that when a woman tells a guy he's a "good friend" or "her buddy", that is the kiss of death if he is romantically interested! And women say that purposely in order to send the guy a signal that she isn't interested but still wants to benefit from his great personality. "Friend" is code for "No thanks!" It's akin to when a woman conveniently throws in a statement about her boyfriend such as "Yeah, my boyfriend went to the store the other day...". Then the guy is thinking "GREAT! When you see your BOYFRIEND, ask him if he can pull this knife out of my back, ok?"
HB, I have tried to give you advice but you are either ignoring it or just not believing the words I am writing. I used to be just like you are now when I was a teenager (I know you are 30). I have dated well over 200 women in my young life of 31 yrs (before my marriage) - all of my dates came between my 20th and 28th birthdays after I opened my eyes! When I was a teenager I used to write the most romaaaantic love letters and do the most romaaaantic things aaall the time right from the beginning. I always wanted to explore her deepest feelings and share my deepest thoughts and feelings. I wanted to connect with her on that level that isn't often explored. As a result, I became "friend" to many women but never had a date before my sophmore year in college -and I used to model! I couldn't figure out what the hell women wanted!
It was when I was in college that I opened my eyes and found that women don't want to shoulder the burdens of delving deep into their feelings with you all of the time when they don't even know you. When all you do is deal in romance and deep feelings and emotions right from the start, it becomes taxing for her because she wants to have some fun without having to worry about nursing your tender feelings all of the time. Romance is great. Some romantic conversation- wonderful, but give it a rest and let the girl up for air!
I'll give you a few suggestions and you can take it to heart or you can ignore it. What you are doing isn't working so maybe you should give it some consideration. Bear in mind that this advice is for the BEGINNING of a dating relationship with a woman. The deep feelings and thoughts will come on their own:
First, stop weighing women down by constantly pouring out your feelings all the time and picking their brains. At first it's sweet, but it gets burdensome real fast! Hurting someone is the LAST thing a woman EVER wants to do and if the guy asking her out seems fragile, that's what she will be forced to worry about. Women have enough to worry about in their own lives without always having to look forward to worrying about hurting some guy's sensitive feelings. So pull back on the constant romance and feelings and deep thoughts. Excess of anything becomes overbearing. You may think that you are geting an inside track by asking all of these women how to appeal to them but it makes you look clueless- unattractive- you will be the star of the support group and no woman will want to put herself in the hands of the incapable man.
You want to appeal to a new girl? Be a confident man! Make her laugh! Be a fun guy! Make it easy for her to be with you. Put no expectations on her and have your own life aside from her so she doesn't feel the pressure of being the only salvation you have in life. If she wants something more serious, you will know it, but until then, be someone that she looks forward to seeing and talking to and not someone she always feels pity for or always has to be serious with. Have the ability to handle yourself so that she feels confident that you will be able to protect her, should the need arise.
You have the tools but you are using them wrong. Life is a big enough pain in the ass. You are supposed to make that woman feel that everything will be ok, not that she has to have all of the answers. What fun is that?
Think about it. These are just a few suggestions.
