KittenToes
TMF Regular
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2005
- Messages
- 284
- Points
- 18
This thread is intended as advice for ladies who are planning to attend a gathering, from another lady who’s attended a fair few herself.
I haven’t specified single ladies, or mentioned one specific event, because a lot of issues and concerns are common to both partnered and unpartnered women, and occur at all sorts of alternative events.
I’m drawing on my own experiences at over one hundred fetish events, as well as what other women have mentioned to me over the years, as some of the situations I’ve encountered may not be typical.
For the purposes of this forum, I’ll use tickling as an example activity.
So! You’ve decided to finally bite the bullet and attend a large fetish event. Maybe you’ve had some private play, or attended munches, or small house parties. But you’ve never been to a large scale one.
What is the thing you are most likely to be worried about?
The most common concern, hands down, is as follows: That, as soon as you walk in and mention your Ler, Lee, or Switch status, is that you’ll find yourself buried in a heap of desperate men attempting to engage in said fetishistic activity with you without as much as a “Nice to meet you”.
This won’t happen. Period. As nervous as you may feel about attending, the fellows will be just as nervous, if not more so.
Second concern, is that the event will be a total sausage fest. I won’t lie, the gals are generally in the minority. However, at a bigger event, the total numbers are such that the disparity isn’t going to make anyone uncomfortable.
Now we’ve got the two main worries out of the way, let’s move on. What YOU want to get out of the event, and the best approach to facilitate it, what you don’t want to have happen, and the best way to avoid it.
Maybe you want to get some play in. Or maybe you just want to watch, or meet other people into the same things as you. Whatever you want to do is fine, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You may encounter the odd fellow who says “If you don’t want to play, then why are you here”? He’s just disappointed you aren’t playing with HIM. Never play with someone just because you feel sorry for him or feel that it’s expected of you. After all, when it comes down to it you’re there for your own fun, not someone else’s pleasure. The thought is as stupid as going to a bar and being expected to kiss all the men there.
As with any group of people, there will be some folks you’ll get along with, some you might want to get to know a LOT better, and some you won’t like. That’s life.
It’s likely that you will be asked at some point if you’d like to play. If you are just there to chat, observe, or are part of a couple and don’t play openly, or if you just don’t want to play with the person who’s asking you, say so directly. If you KNOW you don’t want to play with someone, just tell them. Don’t say “I’ll think about it” or “Maybe later”. Guys aren’t great at reading signals in a vanilla situation, and in fetish situations, it’s even worse. The Demanding Child who lives below every man’s belt is shouting at them that “YOU’RE FINALLY SURROUNDED BY WOMEN WHO ARE HERE BECAUSE THEY LIKE WHAT YOU LIKE! DON’T MISS A CHANCE!” So their normal, rational, mind is even more clouded than usual. Be polite, but BE DIRECT, and things will go far more easily for you. Any guy would rather be disappointed straightaway than waste time waiting for something that will never happen. Guys are used to rejection and a little more of it won’t kill them.
And while this is a far rarer occurrence, it may happen that you want to play with someone and they say no. I know that “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” but cut them the same slack you’d expect for yourself. There may be a specific circumstance behind the refusal, so don’t take it personally.
For your own safety and that of the people who might be playing with you, if you are contemplating some action, please don’t drink. It clouds your judgment. You may well wind up in a situation that wouldn’t have happened if you’ve been sober.
Basically, all the normal rules you learned from your Mom apply here, too. Just because it’s tickling rather than sex doesn’t mean it’s a different world. It’s still humans (well, men really) that you’re dealing with.
About the Monitors: They are there to help you, but they can’t be everywhere. If it’s just a matter of a personality conflict as opposed to actual bad behavior from someone, try to sort it out before asking for intervention. Again, that’s life- you won’t get along with everyone. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people- just not your favorite folks.
However, if someone really is bugging you, don’t be shy about asking for help. Uninvited touch and verbal harassment after being asked to stop are big no-nos. Don’t just tell another attendee about it and hope a monitor hears about it. Tell one of them yourself, ASAP! The sooner they are alerted to an issue, the sooner it can be dealt with. And remember, you’re helping other people as well as yourself.
If you are a Lee and decide to do a group scene in public, please be clear before starting about who is allowed to touch you and who isn’t. It is very difficult for a Monitor to tell who is “ok” to be involved, especially if your main Ler(s) aren’t sure. If people you don’t want get involved but you want the scene to continue, say “Yellow” and get your breath back so you can specify who needs to go and who can stay.
And if you decide to do a scene in private with someone, in your room, or theirs, you’re on your own. Be sure you trust someone before being alone with them. If something you don’t want to happen occurs and no one sees it, the event organizers can’t help you.
Isn’t that what Mom would say?
Above all have fun, but be sensible. That’s all it takes to keep you safe and happy!
I haven’t specified single ladies, or mentioned one specific event, because a lot of issues and concerns are common to both partnered and unpartnered women, and occur at all sorts of alternative events.
I’m drawing on my own experiences at over one hundred fetish events, as well as what other women have mentioned to me over the years, as some of the situations I’ve encountered may not be typical.
For the purposes of this forum, I’ll use tickling as an example activity.
So! You’ve decided to finally bite the bullet and attend a large fetish event. Maybe you’ve had some private play, or attended munches, or small house parties. But you’ve never been to a large scale one.
What is the thing you are most likely to be worried about?
The most common concern, hands down, is as follows: That, as soon as you walk in and mention your Ler, Lee, or Switch status, is that you’ll find yourself buried in a heap of desperate men attempting to engage in said fetishistic activity with you without as much as a “Nice to meet you”.
This won’t happen. Period. As nervous as you may feel about attending, the fellows will be just as nervous, if not more so.
Second concern, is that the event will be a total sausage fest. I won’t lie, the gals are generally in the minority. However, at a bigger event, the total numbers are such that the disparity isn’t going to make anyone uncomfortable.
Now we’ve got the two main worries out of the way, let’s move on. What YOU want to get out of the event, and the best approach to facilitate it, what you don’t want to have happen, and the best way to avoid it.
Maybe you want to get some play in. Or maybe you just want to watch, or meet other people into the same things as you. Whatever you want to do is fine, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You may encounter the odd fellow who says “If you don’t want to play, then why are you here”? He’s just disappointed you aren’t playing with HIM. Never play with someone just because you feel sorry for him or feel that it’s expected of you. After all, when it comes down to it you’re there for your own fun, not someone else’s pleasure. The thought is as stupid as going to a bar and being expected to kiss all the men there.
As with any group of people, there will be some folks you’ll get along with, some you might want to get to know a LOT better, and some you won’t like. That’s life.
It’s likely that you will be asked at some point if you’d like to play. If you are just there to chat, observe, or are part of a couple and don’t play openly, or if you just don’t want to play with the person who’s asking you, say so directly. If you KNOW you don’t want to play with someone, just tell them. Don’t say “I’ll think about it” or “Maybe later”. Guys aren’t great at reading signals in a vanilla situation, and in fetish situations, it’s even worse. The Demanding Child who lives below every man’s belt is shouting at them that “YOU’RE FINALLY SURROUNDED BY WOMEN WHO ARE HERE BECAUSE THEY LIKE WHAT YOU LIKE! DON’T MISS A CHANCE!” So their normal, rational, mind is even more clouded than usual. Be polite, but BE DIRECT, and things will go far more easily for you. Any guy would rather be disappointed straightaway than waste time waiting for something that will never happen. Guys are used to rejection and a little more of it won’t kill them.
And while this is a far rarer occurrence, it may happen that you want to play with someone and they say no. I know that “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” but cut them the same slack you’d expect for yourself. There may be a specific circumstance behind the refusal, so don’t take it personally.
For your own safety and that of the people who might be playing with you, if you are contemplating some action, please don’t drink. It clouds your judgment. You may well wind up in a situation that wouldn’t have happened if you’ve been sober.
Basically, all the normal rules you learned from your Mom apply here, too. Just because it’s tickling rather than sex doesn’t mean it’s a different world. It’s still humans (well, men really) that you’re dealing with.
About the Monitors: They are there to help you, but they can’t be everywhere. If it’s just a matter of a personality conflict as opposed to actual bad behavior from someone, try to sort it out before asking for intervention. Again, that’s life- you won’t get along with everyone. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people- just not your favorite folks.
However, if someone really is bugging you, don’t be shy about asking for help. Uninvited touch and verbal harassment after being asked to stop are big no-nos. Don’t just tell another attendee about it and hope a monitor hears about it. Tell one of them yourself, ASAP! The sooner they are alerted to an issue, the sooner it can be dealt with. And remember, you’re helping other people as well as yourself.
If you are a Lee and decide to do a group scene in public, please be clear before starting about who is allowed to touch you and who isn’t. It is very difficult for a Monitor to tell who is “ok” to be involved, especially if your main Ler(s) aren’t sure. If people you don’t want get involved but you want the scene to continue, say “Yellow” and get your breath back so you can specify who needs to go and who can stay.
And if you decide to do a scene in private with someone, in your room, or theirs, you’re on your own. Be sure you trust someone before being alone with them. If something you don’t want to happen occurs and no one sees it, the event organizers can’t help you.
Isn’t that what Mom would say?
Above all have fun, but be sensible. That’s all it takes to keep you safe and happy!
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