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a load of funny jokes

AphxA1

TMF Master
Joined
Sep 10, 2002
Messages
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Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. (That's pretty sad)

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front counter.

4. Only in America.......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. (Like the diet coke will really make a difference?)

5. Only in America.......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Greek meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. (funny)

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering (LIKE the blind will drive to the bank!)

EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline READING!
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do a "Practice"? And some are not very good at it.

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Good point!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? (Sounds like George Carlin material).

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 🙂
 
I laughed just about as hard as I do when I'm tickled!!! Good ones!! I love number 2 and 10!! HILARIOUS!!
 
i got those from my cousin. I dont know where she gets this stuff lol
 
Nice Post. Very Witty. In A Similar Vein To Your Drive Up Atm Item, Our Postoffice Has A Sign On The Front Door As Follows " Only Pets Allowed Inside Are Seeing Eye Dogs!! I Guess The Dog Can Also Read The P. O. Box #'s Too! Why Would A Blind Person Get Non-braile, Non-junk Mail?
 
Only in America....can a person break into your house, stab himself on a knife you accidently left on the floor, and sue your for damages.

lol, I always have to add that one.
 
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