Alittle Advice I need to know.

[11225]

This is only for those that already have gf/bf. Because I have one myself. (I made a blog about that before). A week since I got one, I discovered that she hates to be along, even if she's used to it. Not even for 5 minutes, because when I had to go, she wanted me to stay and talk to her longer. I also found out that she's gives me alot of online message (AIM and DA)...so I got a bad feeling that she thinks I'm ignoring her or wanting her to be lonely...which I don't want her to be. Reason why....in DA I placed a Journal that I'd be out on Christmas Day and until it's time I head back to training for a job. I even told her that I need to do something which is personal.

So it brings down to 2 questions:

1: Have you ever experience something like that, even if it's not online?

2: What can I do to convince her that I'm not trying to avoid her/ ignoring her?

 

[PurpleStyle]

1. Yes.

2. Well that's a simple question: You tell her. Get this girl on the phone and let her hear your voice. 100x better than IMing somebody.

 

[kopfhorer1]

My semi-educated guess is that this person has major issues with insecurity and/or control. It seems to me that this person's only going to complicate your life unnecessarily.

If I were you, I'd seriously consider finding another girlfriend.

 

[Violetta]

It matters very little, as you're not even there for her in the first place. You're words on a screen, and that can't keep her from being lonely and desperate. To be completely blunt, you both need to find significant others that you can actually see and talk to face to face. You know, a real relationship. 😉

 

[Frost King]

Yeah a phone call is alot better then a online message because she will feel bettter hearing your voice.

 

[11225]

My semi-educated guess is that this person has major issues with insecurity and/or control. It seems to me that this person's only going to complicate your life unnecessarily.

If I were you, I'd seriously consider finding another girlfriend.

Insecurity, huh? I never knew that.

It matters very little, as you're not even there for her in the first place. You're words on a screen, and that can't keep her from being lonely and desperate. To be completely blunt, you both need to find significant others that you can actually see and talk to face to face. You know, a real relationship. 😉

You may be right...I may still have alot to learn about girlfriend and boyfriend if that's what you mean.

Yeah a phone call is alot better then a online message because she will feel bettter hearing your voice.

Actually, I don't use phone.

 

[Violetta]

You may be right...I may still have alot to learn about girlfriend and boyfriend if that's what you mean.

That is very true, and, to speak less sardonically, romantic relationships aren't as mysterious and perplexing as many believe. Obviously, they're a common and natural part of being human, but to figure out their complexities you need to truly interact with another human. You can type that you're there for someone until your fingers are raw, but unless someone can hear and see the emotion behind those words that comes from a voice or body language, then they can interpret them anyway they want. In this case, it seems like this girl wants to see your words as empty platitudes, and there is no way that more cold, emotionless text will change her mind. Relationships are not difficult, but they require experience and effort, not a quite IM.

 

[Dave2112]

It matters very little, as you're not even there for her in the first place. You're words on a screen, and that can't keep her from being lonely and desperate. To be completely blunt, you both need to find significant others that you can actually see and talk to face to face. You know, a real relationship. 😉

You know that I totally and platonically love you, right? 😀

100% nail on the head.

 

[Budweiserbob!]

... a couple of things I'm probably missing here.

1) Is this a physical relationship (where face-to-face interaction is made) or an online/long distance relationship in which you've never made an actual meeting?

2) How is she displaying this fear of being alone? Just pestering you every five minutes or are we talking full mental/emotional break down when you stop talking to her?

 

[Celerich]

I'm completely with Bella here. I have had my share of online relationships, and quite frankly, they just don't work. Online relationships are like a romance novel. Love is said to be there, but in the end, none of it's real. You can profess to love someone all you want online, but without any way to show it, there's no meaning behind it. Given time, insecurities become mistrusts, which will lead to a painful separation. IF you want a few pointers when it comes to relationships, this is what i can tell you from my experience.

You can find happiness in the company of a soul mate, but they will not be it's source. You have to be content and happy with yourself before you can have a lasting romance.
Honesty is a must. I know it's overused, but trust me, it's overused for a reason. I don't mean honesty as in "No, i didn't take out the trash", i mean it as in "I do love you, and i want to be with you, but sometimes i need time to myself." "Time to myself" is often a problem in relationships, as it begins filling your lover's thoughts with doubt. Does he not want to see me? Am i a burden? Does he not love me?
This is possible the biggest advice i can give, as a lot of my friends don't get it yet. Love is NOT a miracle, and it is NOT something you just happen into. Love is a choice. Relationships are not romance stories. I know that this kind of understanding takes away some of the romance, but i also think it adds some. But, more importantly, once you realize that it's a choice, it's a lot easier to keep positive should anything go awry in your relationship. There isn't just one person out there for you. There's a lot. A LOT.

So, that's my five bucks worth. Hope it helps. Oh, and non of this was an attempt to shoot you down, like a villain. I'm trying to prevent you from getting yourself hurt. It sucks. Trust me.

 

[11225]

I'm completely with Bella here. I have had my share of online relationships, and quite frankly, they just don't work. Online relationships are like a romance novel. Love is said to be there, but in the end, none of it's real. You can profess to love someone all you want online, but without any way to show it, there's no meaning behind it. Given time, insecurities become mistrusts, which will lead to a painful separation. IF you want a few pointers when it comes to relationships, this is what i can tell you from my experience.

You can find happiness in the company of a soul mate, but they will not be it's source. You have to be content and happy with yourself before you can have a lasting romance.
Honesty is a must. I know it's overused, but trust me, it's overused for a reason. I don't mean honesty as in "No, i didn't take out the trash", i mean it as in "I do love you, and i want to be with you, but sometimes i need time to myself." "Time to myself" is often a problem in relationships, as it begins filling your lover's thoughts with doubt. Does he not want to see me? Am i a burden? Does he not love me?
This is possible the biggest advice i can give, as a lot of my friends don't get it yet. Love is NOT a miracle, and it is NOT something you just happen into. Love is a choice. Relationships are not romance stories. I know that this kind of understanding takes away some of the romance, but i also think it adds some. But, more importantly, once you realize that it's a choice, it's a lot easier to keep positive should anything go awry in your relationship. There isn't just one person out there for you. There's a lot. A LOT.

So, that's my five bucks worth. Hope it helps. Oh, and non of this was an attempt to shoot you down, like a villain. I'm trying to prevent you from getting yourself hurt. It sucks. Trust me.

Thanks for those advice. And bud Thanks for reminding me about that, I stupidly forgot to mention that we were able to talk through AIM using videochat. How could be so careless!? :cry

Now to answer Bud's question....

You can say that if she's away for any day....5 mins later she misses me alot...it's like her life is to talk to me. But if I had to leave...like it's time I head to be or for some reason the connection is going wrong and is starting to fail on me...once I return...I may end up getting more than 2 message on AIM or a few notes in DA. I hope I gave a good info...for as it's not easy for me to explain it properly.

 

[Celerich]

I understand your dismay. Here's the problem: She seems to be obsessive. She is doing exactly what i just said not to do. She relies on the relationship for her to be happy, instead of having the relationship add to her happiness. I don't mean to shoot any hopes you might have of it working, but i can't say that i see it doing so. I really don't think that a relationship can work when happiness depends on one another. There WILL be times you can't be there, and if she has an actual life outside of cyber-space, then she will NOT always be there. Online relationships, especially if you're in a position in which you cannot travel to meet one another in person, just don't work. This would be a lot different if you both met at a coffee shop or something similar. For now, i advise you both take a break from it, and let her know that the possibility of you both being single again does indeed remain present.

 

[11225]

I'm pretty glad you put that up, but apparently I don't think I have to tell her that. It turns out that she decided to break up with me...however we're still friend. I'll admit that I felt bad for blowing the relationship between herself and I...but you're right, it's probably best that we stay single (though I feel that if I'm gonna be single till the day I die, then oh well...I can't win on everything).

By the way...Bella, I kinda figured that you would be right, I just didn't realize it at first. ^^;