Alone in College

[Antarion]

You guys are my go-to whining board, I can't help it, you give good advice.

I'm sitting here on my computer, in my dormroom. I have no clue what to do, my car's battery died and I havn't met anyone in my two weeks here to jump it. I have no real friends here and I don't know what I should do.

 

[Myriads]

Well if the goal is to get your car started again, the first question is do you have jumper cables?

If yes, then it's time to get to know your dorm mates. Knock on some doors and ask if any of them have a car and would be willing to jump start you. You'll meet folks, and probably get your car going.

If no, then you can still knock on doors and ask if anyone has cables and a would jump your car. Or you can call a local service station that provides road service and for under $50 they will probably come out and jump you.

Myriads

 

[Antarion]

Yeah dude, I don't know anyone around here. I have no cables, and I'm broke. I'm in a bit of an SOL situation.

 

[Mitchell]

Myriads gives good advice. I went through a situation like yours, but not as a freshman.

I was forced to take off what would have been my senior year,.. due to financial reasons. When I returned to college, everyone I knew had graduated. The first couple of days were.. difficult.. as I felt like a fish out of water.

My grandmother told me to get out of my dorm room, and just walk around campus. I went to the campus Rathskeller, and saw a coffee house, and someone singing. That someone.. would turn out to be my now friend of 21 years, Barney. When he came off stage, I complimented him on his singing, and we found out we lived just across the hall from each other in the same dorm. We hung out virtually every day the rest of the year.

Being new at college can be difficult.. but.. there are so many social options there.. many people in the dorms, things going on around campus.. that one is only alone if they want to be.

I hope you can find some good people to hang out with, and help you with the situation with your car.

 

[Antarion]

Myriads gives good advice. I went through a situation like yours, but not as a freshman.

I was forced to take off what would have been my senior year,.. due to financial reasons. When I returned to college, everyone I knew had graduated. The first couple of days were.. difficult.. as I felt like a fish out of water.

My grandmother told me to get out of my dorm room, and just walk around campus. I went to the campus Rathskeller, and saw a coffee house, and someone singing. That someone.. would turn out to be my now friend of 21 years, Barney. When he came off stage, I complimented him on his singing, and we found out we lived just across the hall from each other in the same dorm. We hung out virtually every day the rest of the year.

Being new at college can be difficult.. but.. there are so many social options there.. many people in the dorms, things going on around campus.. that one is only alone if they want to be.

I hope you can find some good people to hang out with, and help you with the situation with your car.

Dude, are you me?

Except, I had to go a year early.

 

[Franky]

Well, getting a jump is rather quite easy really, all you have to do is ask even if they are strangers. But, I would be concerned about you getting the jump and drive somewhere, turn off the car without buying a battery, then trying to get another jump to get back.

Anyways, if you have any hobbies or interests see if there are any clubs that pertain to them and attend. And don't forget to say "hi" and introduce yourself in social settings. Oh, and if there are no clubs for certain activities like TCGs or foreign movies, sometimes others may meet up in common spaces to hangout together.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Why are you so alone? What are you studying? I believe in individualism, but not isolationism. There are many great people out there who would love to help you.

 

[Bugman]

You guys are my go-to whining board, I can't help it, you give good advice.

I'm sitting here on my computer, in my dormroom. I have no clue what to do, my car's battery died and I havn't met anyone in my two weeks here to jump it. I have no real friends here and I don't know what I should do.

I don't see whining here. You are on a rough road right now, and seeking advice. Nothing wrong with that, and with using the forum as a sounding board. Can't really add to the advice posted here, but I hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[Mitchell]

No, I'm not you,. Antarion. I was merely trying to help. Tell you what.. I wont say anything more..

 

[Antarion]

No, I'm not you,. Antarion. I was merely trying to help. Tell you what.. I wont say anything more..

That is not what I meant.

I meant your post was so relateable, I thought you were me.

Sorry bro, I did not mean what it sounded like.

 

[Antarion]

Why are you so alone? What are you studying? I believe in individualism, but not isolationism. There are many great people out there who would love to help you.

I'm studying pharmacy, but I'm in a college that is most certainly not for upper-level sciences. My mom didn't want me going to the college I wanted to go to because it was so far away. She said she would miss me too much. It took a combined year of me and my dad arguing with her to even let me go to college.

 

[Mitchell]

I understand now, and I'm sorry I misunderstood you. I'm glad you took my post in the supportive spirit that it was meant to be.

 

[Antarion]

I understand now, and I'm sorry I misunderstood you. I'm glad you took my post in the supportive spirit that it was meant to be.

Yeah, thanks dude. Again, sorry! Didn't mean to sound like I was rejecting your support.

 

[Mitchell]

It s okay.

 

[kopfhorer]

I'm studying pharmacy, but I'm in a college that is most certainly not for upper-level sciences. My mom didn't want me going to the college I wanted to go to because it was so far away. She said she would miss me too much. It took a combined year of me and my dad arguing with her to even let me go to college.

That sucks like a bucket of leeches. I hate to diss anyone's folks, but it sounds like your mom is interfering where she has no right or reason to do so. At least your dad stuck up for you.

Just my two cents' worth.

 

[Mitchell]

Pharmacy is a good field. I used to have a friend who was at my school, and then transferred to pharmacy school. Good Luck with it.

Sorry about your mom not letting you go to the college you wanted to.

When I started college, it was the year before my parents seperated, and we lived in CT. I applied to schools on Long Island, in Boston, and in DC. I got rejected by the one in DC, but accepted to all the schools on LI,..and one or two in Boston.

My father wanted me to go to Boston because it is such a great college town. My mom had no opinion on the matter. I knew my parents might divorce, so I was leaning toward Long Island, in case family matters arose that needed my attention. As it turned out I got accepted to all three schools I applied to on Long Island. Adelphi, (which was the one I ended up going to), Hofstra, and CW Post.

I chose Adelphi, because it just felt right. In the end, I had the best of both worlds, a college life with a good social life on the weekdays, and to be able to come home on the weekends, to have a quiet place to do work, get my laundry done, and catch up on sleep. I don't regret my decision for a minute. Had things with my parents been more stable, I would have gone to Boston. As it turned out, Long Island was the right decision for me.

 

[Antarion]

That sucks like a bucket of leeches. I hate to diss anyone's folks, but it sounds like your mom is interfering where she has no right or reason to do so. At least your dad stuck up for you.

Just my two cents' worth.

Yeah, I'm the last kid she has. I was even going to go to stanford to study for actual medicine, but she wouldn't have it.

I love my mom to death, but she allowed her 'Missing me" emotions to change what was best for me.

And to nitpick my dad, he doesn't want me to be a doctor because it would take up too much of my time. He'll only help me through college if it's a 9-5 job that'll earn me upwards of 100k.


Like I said, go-to whining board. I'm really glad you guys are being so awesome about this.

 

[Bothersome]

I don't really see it as whining. Everyone needs help every now and then.

It's a shame about your folks. My mom was really supportive when I moved across the country. But then, she still has my sister to deal with, too. Anyways, I hope you get your situation sorted out. I don't really known much about the college experience, so all I can really suggest is to mingle and make friends. Get friendly with your roommate or your hall... mate... people...college... jargon.

 

[Antarion]

Just writing in for an update here.

I always used to cook when I was back at home, it helped me clear my mind and give me something easy to do because I was just following directions. Yesterday I went to Walmart and dropped 150$ on gear for cooking. Each floor has it's own mini-kitchen, and ours is never used besides the microwave. I made the only recipe I knew from memory, my homemade sweet and sour chicken. I made eight chicken breasts worth and the whole floor came to try some. It turned into a mini floor party because I had also bought a few liters of coke. I met TONS of people. (As an extra bonus, they all said that I made the best Chinese food they've ever tasted, including professional Chinese restaurants. 😀) Though I don't think they're "Go out on the town" Friends, they're acquaintances, and that's enough for me.

Thanks all of you. Chalk this one up as a happy ending.

 

[Bugman]

Just writing in for an update here.

I always used to cook when I was back at home, it helped me clear my mind and give me something easy to do because I was just following directions. Yesterday I went to Walmart and dropped 150$ on gear for cooking. Each floor has it's own mini-kitchen, and ours is never used besides the microwave. I made the only recipe I knew from memory, my homemade sweet and sour chicken. I made eight chicken breasts worth and the whole floor came to try some. It turned into a mini floor party because I had also bought a few liters of coke. I met TONS of people. (As an extra bonus, they all said that I made the best Chinese food they've ever tasted, including professional Chinese restaurants. 😀) Though I don't think they're "Go out on the town" Friends, they're acquaintances, and that's enough for me.

Thanks all of you. Chalk this one up as a happy ending.

Bravo sir, glad things are looking up for you! 😀

 

[Dandy Jack]

Try the usual things Look for chicks hit on them

Look for parties go to them

Look for sporting events go to them

Don't just sit in the Dorm...

You are in College meet new people, explore

This is a time to try new things

Talk to people,

College can be a very cool time in your life but you must

break out of your shell... Go to a party each week and call me at the end of the semester!

You will be just fine!

Dandy Jack!

 

[Antarion]

Try the usual things Look for chicks hit on them

Look for parties go to them

Look for sporting events go to them

Don't just sit in the Dorm...

You are in College meet new people, explore

This is a time to try new things

Talk to people,

College can be a very cool time in your life but you must

break out of your shell... Go to a party each week and call me at the end of the semester!

You will be just fine!

Dandy Jack!

I'd love to go to parties, chief. I never get invited. I don't even find out about them until the day after when my friends tell me how awesome/sucky it was.

The friends who tell me are all girls who have boyfriends, so I can't bring myself to invite myself.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Oh yeah, I've been through some of this. Allow me to offer a suggestion. If you're not getting what you need in terms of social life in the dorm, then see what you can find in the way of activities around campus, or around town, that will bring you into contact with people who share common interests. But be patient about making friends that way, because even there, it won't happen instantly, and it won't happen when you're trying to make it happen. Point is, get involved in some pursuits that genuinely interest you, and that will in the long run enrich your social life as well. The dorm has too much in-crowd/out-crowd; you're sometimes in a better position to make real friends when you venture outside of the dorm.

Now, about your parents: In the long run, it's going to be necessary to let them know, not necessarily by saying it in so many words, but by action, that you are their fellow adult and that you'll make your own choices. And a mother who would interfere with your choice of college to protect herself from missing you is, in the long run, a mother from whom you need some healthy distance. The key isn't to be hostile to them, merely to make sure you have a strong sense of your own identity and your own legitimacy so that it comes naturally to require everybody, your parents included, to respect it. Your mother sounds like a combination of neediness and controllingness, and that puts you at risk of ending up married to someone with a similar combo--if you're anything like me, that is.