An unfortunate accident.

[Bothersome]

So, yesterday I was made aware that the boyfriend of one of my old high school classmates died in a car accident late yesterday.

Now, I didn't know this guy at all. I didn't even know my classmate all that well, to be honest. I'd talked to her a few times every now and then, but we were acquaintances at best. She's not even 21 yet, but she's expecting a kid in a few months, and she just became a single mother.

Obviously, this isn't the first time I've dealt with death. Everyone loses people throughout their lives. This is the first time it actually affected me emotionally, though. I haven't lost any of my close family members yet, so try not to think I'm some sort of sociopath or anything. But I have heard of various deaths through social networking sites and so on. Even deaths of people I knew, such as old elementary school teachers and what-not. And while these events were sad... I was never really hit by them.

This is the first time that it actually kind of hit me in the stomach and caused me to think. It was definitely the first time I felt inclined to reach out to the loved ones of the person who'd died, even though I didn't know him.

I don't know. I'm just kind of rambling at this point, and I haven't really talked to anyone about this.

 

[Mitchell]

Bothersome,. I'm very sorry about the accident you mentioned. Losing someone that young is a tradegy.

I had a cousin who was 23 years old, who was killed in an auto accident in 1988, while she was on her way to get a haircut. When my dad called me to tell me of what happened to her, I freaked out. She well might have been the nicest person on my father's side of the family, and her life was cut tragically short. In fact, the holiday before, when I was a skinny 17 year old, she bought me a book called "How to pick up girls" that I still have somewhere.

I understand why you wanted to reach out to the loved ones of this person.

If you need to talk to someone , pm me.

 

[coldneck]

So, yesterday I was made aware that the boyfriend of one of my old high school classmates died in a car accident late yesterday.

Now, I didn't know this guy at all. I didn't even know my classmate all that well, to be honest. I'd talked to her a few times every now and then, but we were acquaintances at best. She's not even 21 yet, but she's expecting a kid in a few months, and she just became a single mother.

Obviously, this isn't the first time I've dealt with death. Everyone loses people throughout their lives. This is the first time it actually affected me emotionally, though. I haven't lost any of my close family members yet, so try not to think I'm some sort of sociopath or anything. But I have heard of various deaths through social networking sites and so on. Even deaths of people I knew, such as old elementary school teachers and what-not. And while these events were sad... I was never really hit by them.

This is the first time that it actually kind of hit me in the stomach and caused me to think. It was definitely the first time I felt inclined to reach out to the loved ones of the person who'd died, even though I didn't know him.

I don't know. I'm just kind of rambling at this point, and I haven't really talked to anyone about this.

Wow! Really emotionally touching post Bohemmianne.
I say, reach out to your friend, and let him know you're thinking of them/family.

That's really all you can do, short of taking time off of work and traveling.

If you're close ( I don't know) do whatever is comfortable.

Thank!

 

[Bothersome]

Thanks, guys.

I'm not really close to this girl, and considering the proximity of the tragedy, I decided that attempting to talk to her probably wouldn't be for the best. She has a friend that she's leaning on through all of this, and I decided to relay the message through her, instead.

And, I don't know. I think that this is just the first time that I've watched a relationship grow, and then fall apart because of a death. Most of the deaths I hear about are pretty sad... but I didn't have any context. I didn't know the relationship between the loved ones, and the deceased. This time it was different. While I didn't know the guy in question, the nature of facebook allowed me to get quite a lot of context on how their relationship grew, suffered, and finally ended.

And I guess that's just more relatable.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

All I can say is that it doesn't get any easier, dude.

The summer I turned 23 I had just gotten out of the Army, living back home with the 'rents. I was leaving the house in the early evening to go hang out with some friends when I saw an older couple I knew walking down the street. I recognized them as the parents of my old friend Jay, who lived three blocks up the street from me. Since I hadn't been around, I asked them how Jay was doing. They told me "Jay's no longer with us."

I had no idea what they meant. "Oh, he moved out?" I asked dumbly.

They smiled with compassion, and explained that Jay had been killed in a car accident just as he was about to get his degree. I was crushed. A guy my age, just getting ready to start his career. Being at the tale end of the Baby Boomer era, my high school class was about 600. So there had been a small handful of students who died for various reasons, but Jay was somebody I knew and was very close to during Jr. High School. We had parted ways in High School. I migrated toward the hippy crowd while he remained focused on scholastics.

Without ever saying anything Jay had made it clear he disapproved of my new lifestyle. The long hair. The weed. The cranking of Led Zeppelin's Misty Mountain Hop in the hallway between classes using a turntable I borrowed from a teacher. Eventually, when we'd pass each other in the hallway, I'd wave to him and he would walk right by without even looking at me, pretending I wasn't even there.

When I saw Jay's parents, my first thought was that now that I'd cut my hair and gotten my act together, perhaps we could be friends again. Of course that would now never happen.

I think that's the toughest thing about dealing with the death of somebody close. We tend to have this bucket list of things to tell that person or do with them, and suddenly all the potential good times - any chance of redemption or reconciliation - is just thrown out the window with no hope of recovery.

Sooner or later, you'll lose somebody close. When you do, it's important to grieve for a season. But in the years to follow, you'll remember that person and speak fondly of them with others that were also close to them. When I think of Jay, I focus on the memories of the good times we had, not the subsequent estrangement.

You'll do the same, I'm sure.

 

[manga_geek13]

I'm very sorry to hear this and I'll keep your friend in my thoughts. It is heartbreaking that the child will never meet their father.

I have been in an accident but never had a close one killed in one. I wish them both the best. 🙁

 

[GQguy]

Man....as everyone is telling their stories i'm getting emotional thinking about mine.

Danny. I was 21 getting ready to leave for bootcamp. My dad who was literally just on his deathbed was finally taken out of his coma. It was summer time from college and I was working at my local grocery store stocking fruit, goofing off and flirting with chics. Before work I get a call from my Uncle Dan which was cool because he's the most awesome Uncle in the world. He tells me that Danny is "gone". What!!!?? What do you mean gone Uncle Dan??????????? Man.....I lost it. I loved that kid. He was only 16....the summer before his senior year! Killed by a drunk driver after seeing his girl friend. Danny had a girl friend! That's what makes it so painful. He was growing up. He wasn't a kid anymore. He was captain of his hockey team. Had plans to go to college at Tennessee. Was getting ready for some of the best years of his life. Prom. And somewhere in there would be me getting the kid drunk. Actually a couple weeks prior he was at my house drunk as a skunk with my little brother. Sigh. Gone too soon.

 

[chicago]

Growing up we kind of feel like we're invincible. We know what death means and we understand the concept, but the idea that you can be gone in an instant no matter what your age doesn't really settle in until something like this happens.

Very harrowing indeed.