milagros317
Wielder of 500 Feathers
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2002
- Messages
- 615,355
- Points
- 113
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
=====================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then t he fight started..
=====================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
=====================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=====================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started...
=====================
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
=====================
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
=====================
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream
And then the fight started....
=====================
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not
as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
=====================
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed
my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't
been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
=====================
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at
me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And that's when the fight started....
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
=====================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then t he fight started..
=====================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
=====================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=====================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started...
=====================
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
=====================
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
=====================
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream
And then the fight started....
=====================
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not
as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
=====================
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed
my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't
been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
=====================
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at
me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And that's when the fight started....
