Anyone else having trouble meeting people around here?

[meangry1]

No...not for all the OMG LETZ CYBOR and all that.

My issue comes up in that I know that every community has their share of mouth breathers. It's a sort of fact of life that you just have to live with. I live on the line...I try to find people to talk to and find it difficult to get in touch with them, especially when it comes to pming randomly.

My first inclination is that doing this is poor form. And to do it afterwards, after you have talked to someone for a little bit and they do not respond, then it means you are desperate.

Like...maybe it is the fact that I work a lot or maybe it's being back at school or whatever.

An example of one that actually went through and surprised me: Sammi. Like one day, out of the blue, I just decided to say "Why not?" And we talked on Yahoo a bit, kinda just shot the shit on random stuff, and all seemed pretty cool. Then, I don't see her...I PM her every so often to see if something is up...but no responses. I do not believe myself to be a meandering fan boy with a raging hard on. But is it that simple?

I guess it is a mixed bag. How can you make new friends unless you make that effort? It is not as if it magically appears out of thin air.

I dunno...I like some of the people here but am very reserved in attempting to get in contact with them, mostly because I imagine my face will just be juxtaposed with another drooling idiot.

So...with that all said and my mind semi clear...what is the best way to go upon networking on this sort of thing? Like trying to make new friends and that. Or is it difficult to just pop in and expect it to automatically happen?

Just some thoughts that have been in my mind recently.

 

[cosquillero1]

I guess that everyone has his/her own experience about it. I only have an only one friend here, i've talked with him since he joined here (almost 4 years) and we chat frequently. I've chatted with other persons here, but that was a simple chat, some days, after that, they got out. I also have other online friends, from other websites (clubs/groups, other forums) and same that here, many of them were only a couple of chats. I think that many people on internet is afraid about to chat, for different reasons, some because they're underage pretending be adults, other are guys pretending be girls and others have other reason. Is not possible to place all them in the same bag, each has his/her own motives.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Don't know dude. I PM people, sometimes I get a response, other times I don't. I've had people I've talked to, and then they just stop responding (after 1 or 2 pm's I get the message and stop). Don't know what's up, but I don't get too down about it.

It is not as if it magically appears out of thin air.

I did have this happen once, but when I do talk to her nowadays, she'll stop talking midway through an IM conversation...
(you know who you are!... 😉 )

Like...maybe it is the fact that I work a lot or maybe it's being back at school or whatever.

But yeah, all I can say keep posting as much as you can, as I imagine people will feel more comfortable talking to a regular poster than some dude who shows up outta the blue and PM's them.

Yep..

 

[Camel26]

Singling a person out, like you just did in your post, would now make others more reticent to respond to PMs because they could potentially end up the subject of a similar angsty post down the road...

Everyone has their own reasons--I've had too many creeps try to contact me in the past, therefore, I am much more conservative about who I respond to these days, even if people aren't creeps. I just don't want to take the chance of someone being cool for a while, and then have them turn creepy...again...and again...and again...

But, that's just me.

 

[Senshi1]

I was a loner on this site for a few years, but then Kimi added me into a group chat accidentally because she thought I was someone else. A year later I'm engaged to TKLVR18. Funny how things just kind of happen. 😀

 

[meangry1]

Singling a person out, like you just did in your post, would now make others more reticent to respond to PMs because they could potentially end up the subject of a similar angsty post down the road...

Everyone has their own reasons--I've had too many creeps try to contact me in the past, therefore, I am much more conservative about who I respond to these days, even if people aren't creeps. I just don't want to take the chance of someone being cool for a while, and then have them turn creepy...again...and again...and again...

But, that's just me.

I do not see the whole singling someone out part. I have no qualms with Sammi or anything, quite the contrary. That was one instance, thus why I said it. It is not exactly as if I have any ulterior motive. I am sure it has happened with other people, or whatever.

Just making discussion. I am sure that in a given group of people like us, it would be interesting to understand why we are somewhat enclosed, even to those who share something that we might view as a likewise shame.

That is just one interpretation, of course. But then again, I have not had to deal with the same sort of issues others have. I have not been stalked, or ended up with multiple creepy pms. I have not had an issue ever in my life of talking with people or getting to know them, save here. I want to better understand why we, sometimes as a group, work the way we do.

 

[Camel26]

An example of one that actually went through and surprised me: Sammi. Like one day, out of the blue, I just decided to say "Why not?" And we talked on Yahoo a bit, kinda just shot the shit on random stuff, and all seemed pretty cool. Then, I don't see her...I PM her every so often to see if something is up...but no responses. I do not believe myself to be a meandering fan boy with a raging hard on. But is it that simple?

That's singling someone out hon...hate to break it to you, but using someone's handle on here in reference to the very situation you are attempting to discuss is singling them out--you could have just as easily not used her name. Just saying...you might want to not do that in the future...it's not cool...

I'm all for opening a dialogue within the community, but there is no need to do that to Sammi, who has her own reasons, like all of us, for the choices she makes concerning who she contacts...

 

[meangry1]

That's singling someone out hon...hate to break it to you, but using someone's handle on here in reference to the very situation you are attempting to discuss is singling them out--you could have just as easily not used her name. Just saying...you might want to not do that in the future...it's not cool...

I'm all for opening a dialogue within the community, but there is no need to do that to Sammi, who has her own reasons, like all of us, for the choices she makes concerning who she contacts...

That is putting more on her than should be. As I stated, I dunno why it is that way, and I am not critiquing her for her reasoning. I dropped the name because it happened, to give it more of a feeling of something closer pertaining to this community. In any dissertation course I have taken, you have to be able to relate it to the thing you are talking about. I have talked with her, sent pm's and whatever, and have never gotten a "stay away creep!" or anything like that.

I personally do not think she would take that sort of issue with her name kind of being thrown in the post. You are also dealing with a person who obviously gets a lot of attention on PMs from the fact that she is a female and she posts a lot. If there is an archetype for this, she is most definitely it. You do not know how many people throw a HEY out there just because they want to be your friend, or because they want to get in your pants. I am not saying she weeds people out nor am I making a large statement being anti-her.

And if people think twice when I pm them and say hey...their loss. I'm making the effort and believe myself to be an alright and honest guy. I do not post a lot around here because I just can not. Even on other forums I frequent, it takes me years to even get around a thousand posts on a forum.

But I do try to make friends. And at the heart of it, that's what we are here in some way to do.

Now, I dunno. I am not trying to be argumentative, I just do not want my intentions misread. I consider Sammi to be a damn cool person and enjoy seeing her growth with her art. There are others like that...like Bandito and such...that I think are really cool people that do a lot of great things for this community just by having their presence in it. And I guess, being the kind of person I am, I'd like to say hey to those people once in a while.

 

[Violetta]

Gah. >_< I'm sorry about that, kiddo. To be honest, I rarely get on messengers. That's the reason you don't see me around much on Yahoo. It's not because I'm trying to slight ya. There's several friends I have that I just don't get around to talking to. And yes, I feel bad about it. The times we have talked were fun. I just lead a pretty active life away from the computer. It's easy to get a browser going and make a few posts. But finding the hours to have a proper conversation doesn't happen quite as often as it probably should. For that, I do feel I'm missing something at times. Again, sorry.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I think that if you feel guilty about these sorts of situations, that it means you need to go back and examine how you handle them. That you're questioning yourself already is a first step in that direction. Alot of people say 'don't second guess yourself' or 'don't think too much about it', and while they probably mean to trust your instincts, if trusting your instincts leaves you with a guilty feeling, then thats your conscience telling you that something isn't right and you need to think it through and solve it before you get into something and possibly foul it up.

 

[meangry1]

No harm no foul. I can't lie and say I myself have all the time in the world to talk with my close friends either. Guys I grew up with...I go weeks without talking to them. Between working and school...and just living...it's hard getting that in every time. Besides, it's not a statement against you or anything. :super_hap

I just wonder...being an outsider looking in on some people and their relationships here...if it seems like for whatever reason...does the lot get a bad run because there ARE so many weird guys who have no off switch as far as much of it goes. I don't get it...nor do I want the headache of people PMing asking about my feet.

But it is weird. I often times wonder...most of us keep this part of us private, right? We are all we got as far as this goes. We have the ability to be anonymous, have the ability to hide so to speak, yet sometimes that makes no difference.

Now maybe for some it is a case of escapism. That in their life, this is their outlet for this to an extreme. Thus ability to not...keep it in their pants or whatever.

I dunno...I am kinda rambling at this juncture. My brain is fried and it's going on five. :tired:

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

No harm no foul. I can't lie and say I myself have all the time in the world to talk with my close friends either. Guys I grew up with...I go weeks without talking to them. Between working and school...and just living...it's hard getting that in every time. Besides, it's not a statement against you or anything. :super_hap

I think you're worrying too much about how you're able to socialize and what limited time you have for it. Perhaps a part of you resents the fact that life isn't as easy as it used to be and that the free time isn't always there anymore. If thats the case, theres nothing wrong with lamenting that, just don't get all emo about it.

Just realize, as you already have, that life is life and don't blame yourself for what you can and cannot do with your time.

I just wonder...being an outsider looking in on some people and their relationships here...if it seems like for whatever reason...does the lot get a bad run because there ARE so many weird guys who have no off switch as far as much of it goes. I don't get it...nor do I want the headache of people PMing asking about my feet.

The "lot" is not accountable or dragged down by the actions of a few. When there are people (and there definitely are) who cannot control their impulses, any unpleasantness associated with that is all their doing. So, in that regard, the majority doesn't suffer for what some people do. Are they embarrassed by it? Certainly. Because it shows them the worst of their potential behavior and what they don't want to be.

Being put off and repulsed by obsessed fetishists, for example, is only natural, since the average person in control of themselves knows better and has more self-respect for themselves and respect for others.

But it is weird. I often times wonder...most of us keep this part of us private, right? We are all we got as far as this goes. We have the ability to be anonymous, have the ability to hide so to speak, yet sometimes that makes no difference.

You're right, it makes no difference when people are obsessed. The only thing it does is give the obsessed among you a cloak with which to hide themselves behind. That anonymity gives them more nerve and courage to act out, with less of a chance to be personally ridiculed. It works for them, but embarrasses everyone else. If you train yourself to not care what an outsider's perspective would be, as well you should, then it doesn't matter.

Now maybe for some it is a case of escapism. That in their life, this is their outlet for this to an extreme. Thus ability to not...keep it in their pants or whatever.

I dunno...I am kinda rambling at this juncture. My brain is fried and it's going on five. :tired:

I think theres a difference between a person with a fetish and a fetishist. Did you know one of the dictionary meanings of fetishist is " blind devotion"?

I think thats accurate, and that fetishists have a blind devotion to their fetish. Blind as in they don't think about anything else or how it's impacted by the indulgence. I honestly regard fetishists as almost a different class of person with a fetish. I equate a fetishist with these sickos you hear in the news how they lick the toes of little boys in the park before they run off, or how they masturbate to a sleeping woman's feet after they've broken into her house.

Those people are fetishists. They practice fetishism to it's fullest and most self-indulgent extent...to an extent that, I dare say, turns the fetish from a friendly quirk to a sinful vice that causes sin and leads further into it. This is obviously true, as it's wrong to break into someone's house, but to do it for feet is crazy. Same with little boys. You don't lick little boys or touch or interact with them inappropriately. Even if he just wanted to tickle them or whatever, he's sinning because he's done so much more than what his original obsession demanded that he do.

In the case of these fetishists, one hand does not wash the other, it leads the other astray as well. In other words, they choose to not be in control and to let their raging passions fall where they may, and that separates them from people, normal people like you and I.

People with fetishes and fetishists. Big difference in book.

 

[cosquillero1]

...I think theres a difference between a person with a fetish and a fetishist. Did you know one of the dictionary meanings of fetishist is " blind devotion"?...

I think different. That than you mentioned above is only one definition, generally a word has several definitions related with it. Fetishist also mean a person with a fetish, not necessarily obsessed with it. Some people have breast fetish, they aren't obsessed with it, but breast is a fetish for them, They're breast fetishist. Some fetishist people are obsessed with, but not everyone.

 

[Cavum]

Gah. >_< I'm sorry about that, kiddo. To be honest, I rarely get on messengers. That's the reason you don't see me around much on Yahoo. It's not because I'm trying to slight ya. There's several friends I have that I just don't get around to talking to. And yes, I feel bad about it.

Girlie! you should check your PMs! :|

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I think different. That than you mentioned above is only one definition, generally a word has several definitions related with it. .

I know. If you payed attention, I said "one of the dictionary meanings", not THE dictionary meaning. I purposely didn't use the most common definition, for the purpose of making the point with an alternate meaning.

 

[cosquillero1]

I know. If you payed attention, I said "one of the dictionary meanings", not THE dictionary meaning. I purposely didn't use the most common definition, for the purpose of making the point with an alternate meaning.

I did pay attention at all your long post and although you clearly stated that ("one of the dictionary meanings") you did use that definition constantly in all your post, so that some people can to think that this's the first meaning. I simply tried to show that not necessarily to be fetishist is to be obsessive. That depends on each.

 

[TickleKay]

This is a thread I ws actually going to start! :wooha:

Tickling, bndage, bdsm, is such a perosnalting and wepronsal fit for eah person. Everyone scrambling to try and meet their perfect soulmate in it. But do they actually exist?

Meeting, talking, and especially connecting is especially hard for a female in this community. You just don't know who to trust.

For example; couple of the people I was told never to trust [by those with self serving or jealous motives] turned out to be the ones I trust the most now and play in their circles only. So how do you know when to take a chance and when not to?

There's good people out there. There's also many creeps out there. And once you're tied, what chance do you have? You have to go by longtime reputation, which leaves the new guys out I know 🙁

Word of mouth isn't reliable any more due to so many jealousies and egos out there online- people make up lies and bash other good innocent people worse than in high school. There's no way to tell until you meet. Many of us have had some terrible experiences and we aren't anxious to repeat them. I know two girls who have been stalked by ticklers from the TMF and had restraining orders taken out.

Like you, I talk to many. I don't cyber or photo swap or do phone sex. I'm only interested in meetings, playing, exploring and having others join our inner circle. To do that I have to screen. I mean, it's great to chat to many different people. But in the long run if I'm never going to want to meet with them because of their age or looks, or they're too far away, or their attitudes or abilities are not what we seek- or if their playstyle is so far off from my own- then what's the sense of pursuing it?

When I first got into this scene I had some terrible times but I kept my mouth shut to fit in and be allowed to attend parties. Whenever I spoke up and said "Hey I'd really want to try something more intense" I was told never to say that and to be quiet and go along. I finally had enough and left tickling.

It took me a long time to try again and luckily when I did I found the exact type of people I wished to play with and had trust in. But that was luck and fate. Not everyone's that lucky.

I know every guy considers himself a Lancelot- but honestly they aren't and many simply want to play only the way they want to play. In many instances they tend to lean on you for sex too. This doesn't apply for all gents here of course. But we all live in the real world and know it does apply to some- usually the ones that say "trust me" or call themselves super tickle masters.

I say all this because it may explain why after a few PMs or some phone calls it tends to die off. Maybe it's a trust thing, maybe they just don't have an overwhelming interest in you, or maybe they feel your playstyle and theirs are too far apart. Or maybe by accident you've innocently said a line or a sentence they've heard 100 times before and it waves a red flag. Or perhaps they've just gotten busy?

Please don't take it too personal. I think the majority of people into this are going through what you are. I'm still always seeking others to meet and the PM's drop off or the emails die out too - and it really never gets any easier :umm:

As my pal always tells me- sometimes you can fight the tide and win and sometimes you have to float on the water like a cork and let fate take the helm

Kay

 

[cosquillero1]

IMO is a complex situation, doesn't exist a magic answer. Really, you can't to know if someone is honest (or not) if you don't try him/her first. The only way to meet/know someone else, is just knowing him/her, talking a lot with that person, paying attention at his/her words, ideas. If you watch something that isn't ok with you (with your interests, or with that what you're looking for), then you can decide to say "good bye", or "i'm not interested in you". But just to get out, simply because you're afraid due to old experiences, without to try to know that person, then it's not a good choice, if every time that you get a bad experience you'll get afraid and will say good bye without to try to that person, then you can lose a potentially good relationship. If you have a mature mind is guessed that you had a lot of experiences (positives and negatives) and then you have the required tools to choose the right option for you.

 

[Mercury1]

I've never been comfortable chatting with random strangers on the Web. Only with very close friends. And I especially don't like talking to people from Adult Websites, even if they WERE close friends. 😵 It's nothing personal to anyone here... It's just because I'm a paranoid person.

Do you have any idea how long it took me to even CONSIDER joining this site? And do you know how long I lurked before I made my first post? I grew up on morals that the Internet is a bad place, full of perverts and weirdos, and unfortunately I believed it. I still do, to a point. I've certainly got better at dealing with it, but for the longest time, I NEVER posted my real name, my real age, my real location, my real gender and certainly NEVER my picture.

(Vanessa, 21, Ontario Canada, female.... No picture though: haven't broken through that paranoid barrier yet 😉 ).

The point is, I wouldn't mind getting to know people from here. I can't remember her name, but a lady here was organizing a get-together in Toronto and the only reason why I didn't go was because my friend's birthday was on the same day. The only problem with me getting to know perfect strangers online and espeically from Adult Websites is that I have this stupid, cliched fear that the sweet, young, 25 year old male I chat with will end up being a 50 year old, fat, horny bastard... And quite frankly, that disturbs me. Not because he's old, fat and horny, but because he would lie so drastically to me in order for me to give him personal info so he could eventually hunt me down.

See how paranoid I am? I know most people here aren't like that... But I can't seem to break through that fear. And until I do, well, I will use the Internet with one paranoid step at a time. 😛

 

[IrishTickle1]

I've never been comfortable chatting with random strangers on the Web. Only with very close friends. And I especially don't like talking to people from Adult Websites, even if they WERE close friends. 😵 It's nothing personal to anyone here... It's just because I'm a paranoid person.

Do you have any idea how long it took me to even CONSIDER joining this site? And do you know how long I lurked before I made my first post? I grew up on morals that the Internet is a bad place, full of perverts and weirdos, and unfortunately I believed it. I still do, to a point. I've certainly got better at dealing with it, but for the longest time, I NEVER posted my real name, my real age, my real location, my real gender and certainly NEVER my picture.

(Vanessa, 21, Ontario Canada, female.... No picture though: haven't broken through that paranoid barrier yet 😉 ).

The point is, I wouldn't mind getting to know people from here. I can't remember her name, but a lady here was organizing a get-together in Toronto and the only reason why I didn't go was because my friend's birthday was on the same day. The only problem with me getting to know perfect strangers online and espeically from Adult Websites is that I have this stupid, cliched fear that the sweet, young, 25 year old male I chat with will end up being a 50 year old, fat, horny bastard... And quite frankly, that disturbs me. Not because he's old, fat and horny, but because he would lie so drastically to me in order for me to give him personal info so he could eventually hunt me down.

See how paranoid I am? I know most people here aren't like that... But I can't seem to break through that fear. And until I do, well, I will use the Internet with one paranoid step at a time. 😛

Well, in fairness, you're right to be paranoid. The internet is full of weirdos and it's a safe bet that many of the people on this site are not who they say they are. But, there's little you can do about that 😀

But every now and again, you just have to take a chance. I've made a few friends on this site and tmf simply by taking a chance and saying hello, or by them doing the same to me. Just remember that you have a layer of anonimity on the internet, so if you don't like someone, you can just ignore them 🙂

As for the OP's point of people not replying to pm's, you have to realise that there's a huge amount of guys on here and relatively few girls. And from what some of my female friends on these sites have told me, they can get many, many pm's randomly out of the blue from guys (and girls), ranging from friendly to very disturbing. If someone doesn't reply, then don't take it personally, just forget about it. No point getting worked up about it.

And there's also the point that a lot of people will send pms to people in the hopes of finding someone to tickle/be tickled by. As a result, they're fairly blunt in their messages. It's easier to just try and find friends, maybe pm people you've gotten along with in the forums, and then possibly a friendship might blossom into something more. Remember, women are people too 😀