anyone have some advice?

[primetime]

this community is a caring one, so i thought i should share a problem that i have run into. i really need to hear some thoughts. so i appreciate any thoughts that you people can give.

anyway, here is my problem. i have a friend who i care about a lot. she recently went thru a divorce and it was bad. not bad, like they are fighting bad, but her heartache is devastating. i mean, really devastating. it has been going on for a few months now, but myself and another friend, in fact a lot of her friends, have been helping her deal with this situation. we tell her that it will be alright and she will find that special someone to fulfill her heart. the bastard she is divorcing from isnt worth her time or love in my opinion. it was him who brought this on and that little weasel will get his "just desserts" one day. anyway, i am usually a person who gives good advice and have helped many friends with their problems. but this one is different. she is really hurting, i mean really hurting.

this is killing me to write this, but i will continue. on Thursday 1/9/03, myself and a friend visited her and things were okay. then on Friday, i saw her at work in the morning. she was feeling really bad. she told me she wasnt doing good at all. i told her to be positive and everything will be alright. next thing i know, about a half hour later, the paramedics were called and she was taken to the hospital. later i found out that she tried to commit suicide. that absolutely blew me away. i saw her the previous night. hell, i saw her when i stepped into work. the thought of losing her is getting to me. i have never dealt with something like this before. i am always a positive person and even when i go through some devastating things, i have enough positive energy to get through it. most of my friends are like that too, so when this happened, it is a complete shock. i dont know what to say, what to do. i tell her that i love her and the thought of losing her would devastate me. i tell her to hold on, to believe in herself that everything will be alright. i told her that Jesus loves her and he is watching over her. i told her the angels in Heaven are with her and she can find peace through that love that God can give. she is getting help now, but man, this is really getting to me. i feel helpless. i never felt like that before. i can only be there for her. i wish i can take her pain away. i wish i could bear the pain for her. damn, what the hell do i say? what do i think? i have only known her a short time, but we have gotten closer the last few months. she has so much love in her heart, she has so much to live for. what can i do to help her see that? i'm glad she is getting help, but yet i feel helpless. anyone have some advice? thank you for any replies..........

 

[sarlox]

Primetime,

The best advice I can give you is be there for her EVERY second of EVERY day that you can. I recently lost a very close friend to suicide... and the one thing I would take back is I wasn't there to offer support. Keep telling her how much she means to you and to everyone else. It is kind of like that "smoking" commercial...even if your kids give you the rolling eyes and the deep sighs, keep talking to them and they hopefully will make the right decisions. Nonetheless I will keep you both in my prayers.

Jeff

 

[kurchatovium]

I agree with sarlox you and your friends should be with her constantly until she gets over this depression. I would suggest getting some professional advice as well as they might know better how to deal with the situation. Perhaps you could call a suicide help line and ask them for advice. I don't know if they do that but its worth a try. I will pray for the both of you.

 

[46and2]

I've been in similar situations with my brother trying to end his own life and a friend of mine as well, it's pretty tough to deal with. There is no one soloution to this problem....but here are a few I can reccommend: 1) If it was serious suicide attempt and not just a cry for help I would strongly suggest you urge her to get some professional help, there are alot of factors that depression involve, traumitizing situations can hit someone with a severe chemical inbalance alot harder then they would other people (we found out my brother was a paranoid schizophrenic after the suicide attempt). 2) If you know someone else who's been through a divorce maybe they can be of some consolation to her. 3) An outing with a group of friends in a non-threatening environment would most likley do her alot of good (movies, zoo, etc.) something that will help her get her mind off of herself and her problems. 4) If she shares in your faith perhaps you can convince her to go to church with you, I've found nothing puts things into perspective like some spiritual guidance. And I do have to agree w/ everyone else that she needs her friends and family now more then ever. Here's the number for the National Hopeline Network (there in the business of suicide prevention):1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). I'll make sure to say a prayer for your friend.
Take Care,

-Phil

 

[bticklishfeet]

Primetime, is there children involved? Sounds like to be that you and your other friends have been there for her. She is at a place now where she can get professional help, and he ex could be putting the blame on her and giving her negative thoughts about her self.

Try to make her see that taking her life isn't the answer, that so many people need her, and if you are serious about as wanting to be with her let her know. Tell her that you can't stand the thought of living without her. But it sounds like you've done that, don't blame your self. I know you feel like you should have saw it coming but no one can really know or feel the pain like she is going through unless you have been there. I speak from experience, I tried the same thing. I am ashamed to say, but I did the same thing. The one man that I loved, did me the same way and made me feel worthless! No children in our marriage. It is hard to lose the one and only man that you thought that the sun rised and set on him and that no other man could take his place. He could do no wrong🙁 and then one day you wake up and you are hit with reality and life isn't what it seems🙁
I will pray for your friend and also for you. I know this is killing you and I am so sorry, I will ask God to touch her heart and ease her pain, let her see that life is worth living! And that she has people that love her for her and for no other reason!
I pray that she will see that life is worth living!
Good Luck, and God bless you all!

Cookie

 

[tkrexx]

Sometimes ya just need to be reminded: "Life sucks, but it's the best game in town."

Rxx

 

[4Pawz]

Wow primetime, I am so sorry. Your friend has taken a hard hit in life, and there are no easy answers or "fix-its" to such things. First, like sarlox said, try to spend as much time with her as you can (invite her over to dinner, go out shopping, whatever), listen to her- a lot of times they need to talk to someone, talk about whatever, it doesn't matter too much, but eventually, she needs to talk to someone about what she is going through. If she made a suicide attempt, I would suggest professional help. Sometimes a Counselor or psychologist can do more for them than us as friends can, but still be there for her.

Suicide is not something to be taken lightly, even if it was to get attention. The person has obvious problems, whether they are just trying to get attention or actually want to end their life.

Divorce is not an easy thing to go through. My best friend went through one, but unfortunately she does have kids, and is not in a custody battle to get them. The best way to view a divorce, in my opinion of course, is as a new beginning. Yes now and then you will have something come up regarding it, but this is a chance to start over.

I feel terrible for your situation and I hope things work out. Unfortunately there are no easy fixes to such issues. All I can say without typing 6 pages of stuff is be with her, talk with her, have her do little projects with you (find out something she is good at and ask her to give you a hand on such a project). Have some fun, go to a movie, dinner whatever. I wish you all the luck and hope she is able to work through her problems and feelings. If you need any more help, you know where we are, or I am just an e-mail away. take care

Pawz

 

[MistressMia]

Primetime,
I'm sorry that you're going through this and feel as you do. You may Feel helpless but whether you realize it or not you are being positively HELPFUL.

I was in your friends shoes about a decade ago for the exact same reason I suspect and I know that she is feeling numb except for the overwhelming feeling of despare. When she realizes that she is surrounded by loving and supportive friends such as you, she will start to re-surface. Give her time. Give yourself credit.

Try to talk about the future and realistic goals and maybe one day it will "click" and she will realize that a happy and fulfilling life is possible afterall.

You're doing fine and she'll be well soon.

Up until this post only a handful of people ever knew what I just admitted about myself and I'm here to tell you that it only made me a stronger, better and more positive person. Do me a favor and keep this discrete. Everyone else that just read this...oh hell...where did I leave that dang de-neuralizer!😛

Tickle Hugz from Mia 🙂

 

[BettyBoop2002]

Primtime you are doing all the right things, just give her some time. Let her get some help, and be there for her when she needs you.
She is blessed to have such a friend as yourself!
She will be fine, I will say a prayer for her and your too.

 

[primetime]

first of all, i want to thank each and every one of you who responded with your kind words, prayers and thoughts. this is a completly new experience for me and i need someone to talk to about it.

tonight, myself and another friend spent time over my friend's place, and had dinner, watched a movie (ever see "Panic Room"?? very interesting movie...) and had a general good time. as we were sitting on the couch, my friend started to break down into tears. she asked for a friend that has been friends with her for years to come over. i am telling you right now, i never felt so damn helpless in my life. again, i have no idea what to say. then again, i shouldnt expect myself to have the answer to everything. all i could do is comfort her, tell her i care and how much her life means to not only me, but everyone she has contact with. her other friend came over and pretty much talked to her, so he and his wife will be watching her. so she is in good company tonight, so she will be safe.

man, this is wild. i never went through this before, and i want to see my friend get better. i know she will, it is just a matter of time. she is seeing a therapist, so that is a step in the right direction. again, i thank all of you for your thoughts and warm wishes. i will give updates when i can about this situation. thanks for being there for me. i truly appreciate it......

 

[TicklingDuo]

Wow! I just saw this. She and everyone of you involved will be in my prayers.

There was a time in my own life when I considered ending it all. At the time, I was dealing with past abuse issues and was a real basket case. I couldnt see there ever being an end to the pain I was feeling. A friend and I were up at a park we used to go to a lot. The spot where I like to hang out is a triangular peak that looks out on the respective sides over a waterfall, ravine and lake. I found myself standing at the edge looking over the ravine trying to decide if I could jump out far enough to miss trees that would have broken my fall. I wanted to do it right and not end up in traction and drugged up in some psych ward. Once I realized what I was thinking, I got the hell off of there and called my therapist to talk to her.

Often that act of attempting something in an environment where help will be immediately sought is a cry for help. When we can't bring ourselves to admit that we need something more and go find it, our psyche seems to find ways of letting others know. Most who contemplate or attempt suicide are screaming in pain in a way that can't be misunderstood or ignored. Often, as in my case, they don't see any other way to end their pain.

I've had 2 friends who have committed suicide. One had tried over a dozen times before succeding. I still greive for them. But, I also know that I couldn't have done any more for them than I did. Sometimes, we have to realize that it's not what we didn't do, but that they were unable to take it in. The pain was so overwhelming that nothing else could fit inside...not matter how good it may be.

I encourage you to look at what you're feeling right now too. She's getting some help and will hopefully be okay. But, it will take time. Give yourself permission to see what's inside of YOU. Recognize where you're at with things and what you may need to do to work through it. If you want to talk more off of here, don't hesitate to drop me an e-mail at [email protected]

Ann

 

[TickledToDeath]

Prime....My thoughts are with you and your friend.

Sometimes words are unnecessary and at times even useless.
I am sure she is an intelligent woman so what she dosen't need to hear is textbook psychobabble.
What she needs to do is vent herself and realize that it is the weasel ex husbands' loss. His problem.
She needs to know that he and people like him are of no use to her and goodbye to useless trash.
It's friends like you, Prime, that are of value to her and others.
Someone who genuinly cares.
There IS indeed, someone for everyone. She will find the one who is RIGHT for her and be happy that that jackoff has let her off the hook and freed her from a relationship running on ice.
Usually, suisides are attempted or committed with little rational thought.
She is past that now. Next will be anger. Once that passes, she will learn and realize that she is going to be just fine and will succesfully move on with her life and be with a man who will treat her with the love, respect and honor she deserves and was lucky to be ridden of that human paperweight who hurt her so.

I am here if either of you need me, Prime.
Just be there for her. Your presence will me of greater value than any words you want or wish to say.
Take her mind off of it in fact. Do things with her that is fun and that she loves to do.
That will be much better medicine than anything.

Sincerely,
TTD

 

[arion30]

they only thing you can really do for her prime, is be there for her when she wants you to, and when you think she needs you to. I know its hard on you watching this and feeling so helpless, but remember that its even tougher on her. Not much else you can do.