Anyone like REALLY BAD B-Movies?

[CheshireCatNY]

You know the types. Those low budget direct to video releases that are just so bad you can't help but love them for whatever reason, especially the "serious" ones that make you laugh your ass off. I work in a video store and this is one of my areas of expertise, the best worst movies ever made.

Three of my favorites are "An American Vampire Story" which sounds cool but is REALLY BAD. Its like Weekend and Bernies meets Dracula about this guy who gets his parents beach house for the weekend and vampires move in. It also has Carmen Elektra and a very creepy Adam West as a surfing vampire hunter named the Big Kahuna!

Then theres "Ankle Biters".....vampire midgets....pretty self explanitory..the tagline is "Don't look down..." LOL!!! The last is a skinemax scifi-horror T&A show called "The Killer Eye" that is easily the funniest thing I've ever seen. Horrible acting and a paper-mache eye creature that likes to "play" with women......I was in stitches...

I'm also a huge fan of Ed Wood, the worst film maker in history. If ya don't believe me try seeing "Plan 9 From Outer Space" or "Glen or Glenda?" sometime... 😀

 

[SheDevil1]

Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.


Oh yeah, and I liked that movie Killer Klowns from Outer Space. that was funny stuff. 😛

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Killer Klowns from Outer Space is superb. Not in terms of quality, but it is so funny. The music fits that so well, as bad as it is at times. 😛

And Plan 9 from Outer Space is beyond belief. The description on the DVD alone is hilarious. XD

 

[SheDevil1]

We were up at "the top of the world" and we saw this shooting star and we decided to go look for it. But instead of finding the shooting star we saw this... this circus tent. And that's when we went inside, and that is when we saw those people in those... those pink, cotton candy cocoons. Dave, it was not a circus tent. It was something else.

What? What?

It was a space ship. And there was these things, these killer clowns, and they shot popcorn at us! We barely got away!

 

[michal1]

I love B-Movies. For me "bad movie = good fun". I highly recomend "Evil Dead 2" (is that a b-movie?), "Braindead" (lawnmower vs. zombies...yum!), early Jackie Chan movies and "The Way of the Dragon" (Chuck Norris gets his a** kicked...yippee!)...

 

[Killerk]

I have this B-movie called "Guyver - Dark Hero" which is loosely based off the Guyver manga series in Japan.

Except it was made in the US and ended up looking like a darker version of Power Rangers. With blood! And people getting stabbed.

Ok, so technically it wasn't a REALLY BAD B-movie, it was actually a very good B-Movie, despite having no budget, horrible acting, costumes which looked like they were Power Rangers rejects (the wirework and martial arts fight scenes were good however). I actually quite enjoyed it!

Getting back on topic to really BAD B-movies, there was this 70s horror movie, in which a naked space vampire wrecks havoc all over London. And yes, it's a female space vampire, obviously! I can't even remember the name of the film, does anyone know?

 

[BigNorm]

yeah, hehe, killer klowns spawned my hatred for clowns, i love it though, my favorite part is where the cop gets creamed by the acid pie, i'm sure she-devil agrees with me there.

sci-fi channels has hundreds of crappy movies that star just a handful of actors over and over, so their fun to make fun of like Mystery Science Theater 3000. MST3K is still my most favorite show/movie today. it still has me in stitches.

Speaking of B-movies, wasn't Napoleon Dynamite supposed to be a cheap B-movie?

it cost $400,000 to make, yet scooped in over $45 million in box office alone?

i was just curious about that.

 

[ElectricEye721]

Big Ed Wood fan to be sure but believe me there are far worse movie makers then Ed. Go to Blockbuster and rent out 90% of the B horror movies with "strong sexual situations" on the back description. Its so obvious that these directors are just out for a quick buck, at least Ed Wood (until alcohol took hold of him) tried to make the greatest movies in the world....didnt say he suceeded just said he tried!

 

[Dussicar]

I cannot believe that this damned thread went through eight posts and nobody mentioned the all-time greatest crap-fest of all time:

STARCRASH.

That's right. If you're looking for a pure, unadulterated, lunatic cinima experience, then you just HAVE to rent this. Do you know how certain movies go direct to video? Well, this one went direct to discontinuation!
It has everything. Drama, action, David Hasselhoff, suspense, and the crappiest special effects you are ever damn well likely to see.
It's one of those movies you'll really hate untill you watch it with about thirty hits of your favourite controlled substance.
Sadly, the only actor who looks like they could make something of themselves after this movie, is the robot...This includes David Hasselhoff.

 

[Dussicar]

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot "Dead-alive" and "Demonic toys." These two movies blow so badly, that I scarcely remember them.

 

[BigNorm]

omg, they had an original sci-fi channel movie callet Puppetmaster vs. Demonic Toys and i just had to roll my eyes and moan.

 

[MistressValerie1]

I recall two notables from televison, but I'm not sure of the names. One may have been called "Night of the Creeps"; it took place in a sorority house which became infested by hilarious fish-like things that crawled on land and attacked people. The other was about a cat who witnessed many gruesome/funny events during his travels; it featured a few poignant moments which were almost out of place in such a silly movie 🙂

 

[CheshireCatNY]

The Evil Dead series is like the Holy Grail of B-Movies. Dead Alive is pretty much the British counterpart only instead of a chainsaw hand the main hero has a lawnmower strapped to his chest.

I remember the Guyver movies. Not a bad attempt at a live action version of the comic and of course anything with Mark Hamil is usually B-Movie gold.

OMG!!! I ALMOST FORGOT!!! The ALL TIME funniest Jackie Chan movie ever is an obscure release called "City Hunter" based off of the manga/anime of the same name. This movie runs on cartoon physics, right down to someone pulling a giant hammer out from behind their back. The best scene is where Chan crashes into a Street Fighter 2 arcade game, gets electrocuted and then begins transforming randomly into characters from the game!!! Try to imagine Jackie Chan as CHUN-LI!!!!

 

[SheDevil1]

Sounds like I need to get this movie and a nice blunt. 😛

 

[CheshireCatNY]

AAAAAAW YEAH!!! B-Movies were made for this. Whattaya use? Dutchie? Garcia? White Owls? LOL

 

[His Divine Shadow]

OMG!!! I ALMOST FORGOT!!! The ALL TIME funniest Jackie Chan movie ever is an obscure release called "City Hunter" based off of the manga/anime of the same name. This movie runs on cartoon physics, right down to someone pulling a giant hammer out from behind their back. The best scene is where Chan crashes into a Street Fighter 2 arcade game, gets electrocuted and then begins transforming randomly into characters from the game!!! Try to imagine Jackie Chan as CHUN-LI!!!!

City Hunter, eh? I saw the anime movie and it was good, now it seems I must also see this. Sounds like a fun experience. 😛

 

[alchemy1]

OMG!!! I ALMOST FORGOT!!! The ALL TIME funniest Jackie Chan movie ever is an obscure release called "City Hunter" based off of the manga/anime of the same name. This movie runs on cartoon physics, right down to someone pulling a giant hammer out from behind their back. The best scene is where Chan crashes into a Street Fighter 2 arcade game, gets electrocuted and then begins transforming randomly into characters from the game!!! Try to imagine Jackie Chan as CHUN-LI!!!!

Dude! I was gonna say that movie too. I just watched it the other day! To me the best scene is where the guy accidentally steps on the bread that Jackie Chan was trying to eat and it actually makes a messy, liquidy "squish" (????!!!!). Oh my god that's a terrible, bad, hilarious movie.

Lets see..I would also have to nominate:

Space Mutiny - This particular piece of cheese was a thrilliing space opera adventure in some dirty warehouse cut together with scenes from Battlestar Galactica. See the muscle-bound, dumb as a rock hero run...and that's basically all he does...see the thrilling low-speed zamboni machine chase...witness the dance of the future complete with hoola hoops (!?!?)

The Wild World of Batwoman - Gogo dancing vampires, scenery chewing mad scientists, and lurking mexican wrestlers lowlight this painful collection of images that in someones twisted and sadistic mind thought made a movie. This film hurts.

Cave Dwellers - Oh no! It's eveyone's favorite Conan wannabe Miles O'keef verses the evil effeminate Cher-wig guy. Who will win possession of the magical rear-view mirror? Will the mighty Ator's hang-gliding skills triumph, or will evil effeminate Cher-wig guy's brilliant powers of deduction and totally unessessary speeches triumph?

Manos: The Hands of Fate - This film stars no one and goes no where. You can actually smell how bad this movie is. Take one painfully boring midwestern family, slowly strand them with a wretched, twitchy little succubus named torgo, kill a puppy or two, mix in one Frank Zappa looking "master" and sprinkle with his gaggle of not-quite-so-frozen wives and you have...Manos..the Hands of Fate... The sheer wretchedness of this movie will infest your soul.

 

[alchemy1]

here's a few more

Here's a few more for the list...

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - Martians need Santa Claus. Martians get Santa Claus. Bad Martian not like Santa Claus. Bad Martian fall down go boom. Santa Claus make Martians happy. Uh...that about covers it. You know, as if the movie itself was not loathsome enough, the basic premise of it seems to defy all reason and sanity: Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians. I think the initial idea for this yuletide lemon came about something like this: It's the 1950s...what two things do children love the most. Santa Claus and spacemen. But wait a minute...what if we combine the two... Also, not to be outdone, this 8mm calamity offers up one of the single most retched theme songs ever to worm it's way on to the silver screen..."Hooray for Santy Claus." About halfway through this movie (if you haven't already chewed your own arm off) you come to the realization that someone actually MADE this...on purpose...you then hate the human race.

Godzilla V.S. King Ghidorah (1991, dubbed) - You know, I'm a HUGE Godzilla fan, but THIS movie...this movie...ugh...have you ever spent an entire movie cringing? The plot is incomprehensible, the acting is silly, the premise is ridiculous, and the dialogue/script was excruciating. The plot goes something like this (just try to follow along): Aliens arrive and mess with Godzilla's cells, aliens turn out to be humans from the future (futurians), futurians go back in time to get rid of Godzilla, dinosaur Godzilla dukes it out with the American navy in the south Pacific, futurians prevent Godzilla from being born, futurians create own monster in the past so they can control it in the future, futurians go forward in time to present, futurians use monster they created in the past to stomp Japan, Godzilla appears again (?!) chews on a submarine and stomps the crap out of futurian's monster, Godzilla stomps the crap out of Japan, rogue futurians go forward in time to reserect their monster and turn it into a cyborg, they then send it back in time to fight Godzilla, Godzilla is thrown into the sea. Everybody get that? Good. Oh, and who could forget the imortal line "Take THAT you dinosaur!"...one of the lowlights of the movie.

More to come...

 

[Goodieluver]

Jesus Christ Vampire hunter, A movie from Troma, who also brought you the toxic avenger and tromahigh, whats scary and rockin is that it was made in 2001 i believe but they used their old special effects like stop motion and such, jesus christ has to fight a bunch of athiestic villians, including lesbian vampires, he teams up with a masked wrestler. Just the dialogue and fight scenes are rediculious

Jesus-lemonade?
mohawked priest-will there be enough?
Jesus-Oh, there will be plenty.

also Puma Man, but donald plesance is in it which makes it great

another one is future war with a van damme lookalike and heavy empty cardboard boxes and dinosaurs used as trackers by androids from different planets.

heh, seems many of us are using MST3K for b movie ideas..LOL

Final movie is Bubba Ho Tep, staring bruce campbell as elvis in a retirement home, this movie is def unique.....elvis at age whatever, a black jfk and a mummy who sucks souls outta yer arse.
"You nasty thing from beyond the dead, no matter what you think or do, good things will never come to you. And if evil is your black design, you can bet the goodness of the Light Ones...... will kick your bad behind"?

 

[Jade-Pegasus1]

The Evil Dead series is like the Holy Grail of B-Movies. Dead Alive is pretty much the British counterpart only instead of a chainsaw hand the main hero has a lawnmower strapped to his chest.

I remember the Guyver movies. Not a bad attempt at a live action version of the comic and of course anything with Mark Hamil is usually B-Movie gold.

OMG!!! I ALMOST FORGOT!!! The ALL TIME funniest Jackie Chan movie ever is an obscure release called "City Hunter" based off of the manga/anime of the same name. This movie runs on cartoon physics, right down to someone pulling a giant hammer out from behind their back. The best scene is where Chan crashes into a Street Fighter 2 arcade game, gets electrocuted and then begins transforming randomly into characters from the game!!! Try to imagine Jackie Chan as CHUN-LI!!!!

lol, Chun Li is awesome. I have never heard of this movie before. I'll have to check it out. I've always liked those Jackie Chan movies.

If you wanna talk about bad B-movies, I think Left Behind pretty much takes the cake. I think that is like the worst movie EVER. Period. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but I do remember that the acting is absolutely horrendous. Worst acting I've ever seen in my entire life. I think its so bad its humourous. I actually want to see it again now, just to see how bad it is, lol.

I know Battlefield Earth isn't a B movie, but its so bad I think that there's probably a lot of B movies out there that are better than it. I've never even heard of anybody who likes this movie. This has to be one of the worst movies ever made.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

HDS liked Battlefield Earth. But then, I like just about anything. 😛

 

[Jade-Pegasus1]

HDS liked Battlefield Earth. But then, I like just about anything. 😛

Heh, you're the first person I've ever heard say they liked Battlefield Earth.