svegau
TMF Poster
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2004
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This is a prelude to a series of stories I will be writing revolving around a main character of my own creation. The series is supposed to be Footfetish/comedy/ecchi.
In this story, you will be given a VERY BROAD intro to the main character and "Its" personality. The pace of this story is purposely slow, future stories will (hopefully) be laugh riots! Any advice, comments, suggestions, and complaints will be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!
Enjoy.
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---The place, Anonistan. The time, 7:00PM. A dictator known to his people as “Lord Zoma” is hoarding most of the country’s wealth and resources. His palace is a shining monument of opulence, while just outside the gates the rest of the country is made up of slums, ghettos, and shanty towns. Those who live adjacent to the gates must struggle to pull water from their drying wells while the golden fountains just inside the gates are always flowing with crystal clear water. Sanctions have been enacted by the W.A. (World Alliance) against the dictator for his cruelty. But these seem to hurt the citizens more than the dictator, for they are the ones who’s businesses become hampered by them. At a loss for a quick solution and unable to declare war (which would only hurt the citizens even more), the W.A.’s hands are effectively tied. At this time a small figure cloaked in a black robe approaches the tall palace gates of the palace under the cover of darkness. Its approach is quick and steady. When it finally reached the gates it lifted what could only be described as a disproportionately enormous foot and clutched the bars between it’s tremendous toes, then the mysterious figure proceeded to “stroll” up the bars of the palace gates without so much as a pause or hesitation! When the figure reached the top it tilted upward to a standing position then tilted forward and began to “stroll” down the other side!
---When the figure reached the bottom it be returned to its original upright position and continued through the grand garden. The atmosphere here stood in stark contrast to that outside the gates. The figure took a moment to survey its surroundings. It could see lush greenery, fertile soil, tall fruit bearing trees, and finely paved walkways. It let out a small huff, leaped up into one of the tall trees, snaps off a branch with a ripe piece of fruit, and lands effortlessly on the ground. It consumes the fruit as it brazenly walks down the paved path. No guards can be found patrolling the dark palace grounds in the biting cold of the night, no doubt due to a sense of complacency created by the tall and seemingly impassable wall the cloaked figure “passed” just moments ago. Our figure strolls the grounds completely unimpeded by any barriers or defenses. It finds an entrance and enters. The security is almost as lax inside as it is on the outside. There are guards, but they are hardly on alert. They are playing cards, showing off their muscles, and bantering about everything and nothing. One especially loud one can be heard:
[Guard1]: Ain’t this job grand! We can eat and drink and do what ever we want and get PAID for it! Ha ha ha!
[Guard2]: Shouldn’t we be on patrol or at our posts? I mean, what if someone tries to break in?
[All]: WAHA HA HA HA HA!!!
[Guard3]: Heh! Let me guess, your new around here!?
[Guard2]: Well…yeah.
[Guard1]: Let me fill you in on a little something kid! You see that wall?
[Guard2]: Yeah! It’s kind of hard to miss…
[Guard1]: NOTHING! And I mean NOTHING gets past it. I was like you once, I used to freeze my butt off every night during the evening shift while those who knew better were inside sipping coffee and banging maids! Relax, there hasn’t been a successful attempt made yet!
[Guard2]: Well, if you say so. You are my C.O.
[Guard1]: Yes! I say so! Welcome to the best and most boring job in all the land! Ha Ha! Come, have a drink with me! Someone pass the jug!
---The cloaked figure is already sitting next to the senior guard, it passes him the jug as requested.
[Guard1]: Ha ha, thanks pal! Can you believe this guy…!!!…Hey! Who are you?!
---All turn and stare at the miniscule cloaked form. It strikes the senior guard with the tip of its rather small index finger, knocking him clear across the room. The other guards look on with shock and awe. The senior guard was a large and burly man, yet he was sent flying so easily?! The small hand once again emerged from the cloak and beckoned the remaining guards to try their luck. Another guard reluctantly responds, charging forward with his spear. Confident that he would impale the small figure, he nearly soiled himself when the figure stopped the point of the spear with the palm of its hand. Pushing forward against the point it sent this guard flying back directly on top of the senior guard.
---Three of the other guards all rushed in with swords drawn. The figure calmly draws the branch it snapped off of the tree from outside and parries the first strike, then the second and the third!
[guard]: How is that possible? It’s just a twig!
---With the same thin branch, it swings hard and breaks the guard’s swords! And with a sweeping kick from its big foot, it sends the next three guards crashing in a heap on top of the aforementioned senior guard.
[Guard2]: Wait! You still have me to tangle with.
---The last guard draws his sword. The cloaked figure just watches him. The guard circles it. His hands steady and his eyes burning with determination. This one hasn’t been in that lax guard station long enough to forget his training! Expertly handling his sword, he lunges forward, feints an overhead swing and comes from the side. The cloaked figure drops the branch, moves toward the last guard and grabs his arm with its left hand, stopping him in mid swing. In the same movement, the figure strikes hard at the guard’s sternum with the palm of its right hand. The guard stopped dead in his tracks. A full second goes by before the back of the guard’s armor is blown out! The force of that palm blast appears to have traveled right though him. The shockwave continues on and creates a dent in the wall behind him. The last guard slumps over and hit’s the ground, alive but obviously in no condition to continue fighting.
The figure listens intently for the sounds of an alarm being raised, but hears in the distance.
[???]: Hey did you hear that loud thud!?
[??]: Ah it’s probably those guards out by the wall partying to hard! Ignore ‘em, they’ll pass out drunk soon enough!
---The cloaked figure bows to his defeated adversary and continues its trek into the lavish halls of the dictators palace and ultimately to the dictator himself. All about, the security is so lax that extreme stealthy maneuvers are completely unnecessary. No doubt most of the guards here probably haven’t used their swords in many years. Some did not even bother to carry one. They probably lay rusting in the guard’s barracks.
---While making its way though the halls and corridors of the palace, the cloaked figure DID pass other guards. However, they were either intoxicated, sleeping, reading dirty magazines, or doing something other than what they were being paid to do.
---After a short while and some very minor skirmishes, the clocked figure found himself in the very bowels of the palace. Visible bored, the figure strolled seemingly aimlessly until the subtle scent of food could be detected. It followed the aroma until it finally found it’s way to a large kitchen. The chefs there were busy preparing a lavish dinner. Shrimp, lobster, cracked crab, steaks, the finest wines and cheeses, and pieces of fruit almost too beautiful to eat. This spread could only be for one person! The cloaked figure, using the most effort it’s had to all night, snuck into the kitchen and under the embroidered cloth of one of the serving trolleys. From here, the servants would just wheel it to the dictator, instead of it having to look for him.
---A short time later the trolley was wheel into the dictators personal chambers. Peeking out from under the expensive cloth, it could see that these chambers were even more opulent than the rest of the palace. These chambers were adorned with the finest silk drapes, the most complex tapestries, the most beautiful paintings, and the most brilliant jewels. There was gold EVERYWHERE. It was as if these chambers housed King Midas himself! The trolley stopped moving in front of what appeared to be a giant golden bed. A large and fat man rolled to the side and sat down.
[Servant]: Your dinner, Lord Zoma.
---The large man, a dead ringer for a lite “Jaba the hut”, looked at the three overflowing trolleys and replied,
[Lord Zoma]: Such a scant amount!?
[Servant]: Well, your personal doctor said you need to go on a diet…
[Lord Zoma]: Oh right. It’s hard being such a stud! Ha ha ha
---As he laughed, his many layers of fat jiggled and vibrated, inspiring a cringe from the servants.
[Lord Zoma]: Don’t you think so?
[Servant1]: Oh yes Lord Zoma!
[servant2]: …er…of course my lord…
[Lord Zoma]: You hesitated. Do you not think that I am handsome.
[Servant2]: …er…yes…I mean no! …uh….Please forgive my great Lord Zoma!
[Lord Zoma]: Ah yes. I am feeling generous today. So it will be lenient, you are banished!
[Servant2]: …as you command…
---The servant left with his head lowered. Though he just lost his job, he knew that he got off quite easy. These was another servant not unlike himself that is in the dungeon right now for commenting that he did not like Lord Zoma’s haircut five years ago! The remaining two servants left, leaving Lord Zoma to savor his dinner. Before he began he made a proclamation.
[Lord Zoma]: I shall like to work up an appetite first!
---He rose out of bed and waddled his way down a short hall to a large door with golden highlights. This was the entrance to his private harem chamber. Here he kept the most attractive women in the country for his personal enjoyment…but not necessarily theirs. He waddled inside and closed the door behind him.
[Lord Zoma]: Ladies! Ready for a good time! Ready or not here I come!
---The cloaked figure emerged from under the serving trolley. Surveying the room, it looked for a good ambush point. Within seconds it had chosen one, the grand tapestry next to the door. It provided more than enough cover for his tiny frame. No sooner than when it lowered its foot to the ground could it hear foot steps on the other side. It quickly retreats back under the serving trolley, expecting one of the ladies to enter, when it turns out to be the Zoma himself! He yelled in a loud obnoxious voice…
[Lord Zoma]: What a terrific lay! Your welcome baby!!! I worked up quite an appetite! Ha ha ha!
---The figures eyes pop wide open…he couldn’t have been gone for more that two minutes! And that includes the time coming and going! Apparently he isn’t just quick to punish…
---Visibly frustrated, yet slightly amused, it waited for Lord Zoma to finish his meal, for it would be his last as a dictator. Scarfing down the meal in big handfuls, the figure seemingly wouldn’t have long to wait. Zoma finished his large meal.
[Lord Zoma]: (BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRP!!!) Sigh (POOOOOOOOOOT!!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!) Ah! That was good!
---Lord Zoma was not quite satisfied, but of course he was on a diet… The figure, which is now seated next to Zoma, taps him on the shoulder and offers him a napkin.
[Lord Zoma]: Thank you.
---Zoma takes the napkin, wipes his mouth, picks his ears, and blows his nose. He then offers it back to the cloaked figure, oblivious to the fact that there is a stranger right next to him! The figure quickly discards the thoroughly soiled napkin and prepares to surprise him as he did with the senior wall guard not long ago. In fact, Zoma gets up and begins to walk around, still oblivious to the threat the cloaked figure presents. He then walk into his gold laden bathroom and proceeds to take an absurdly loud dump! He thunders, plops and splashes up a real storm in there. He emerges utterly exhausted. The stench causes the small cloaked figure to wretch and heave, still in plain sight. Zoma yawns and prepared to settle into bed, while the small cloaked figure is growing increasing annoyed. Lord Zoma is about to fall asleep when he feels a pressure on his stomach. He open his eyes and sees the figure standing on top of his ample gut and impatiently tapping its foot. In fact it takes him several minutes to finally realize that he has never seen the person.
[Lord Zoma]: Who are you!
---For the first time we here the cloaked figure speak, but only in a low menacing whisper.
[Cloaked Figure]: It’s over. You are coming with me.
[Lord Zoma]: You’re from the outside aren’t you?! How did you get in here?!
[Cloaked Figure]: That is of little importance right now. Your reign of oppression ends tonight, I’ve been hired to arrest you…
[Lord Zoma]: We’ll see about that!
---Lord Zoma reached over to press the dusty alarm button. However…he can’t quite reach it! The figure gives a sigh, jumps over to the tyrant’s nightstand and nudges the button closer with its big toe. Zoma presses the button…
[Lord Zoma]: Ha! This is the end for you! Ha Ha Ha!!!
---There is a long period of silence…
[Lord Zoma]: …
[Cloaked Figure]: …
[Lord Zoma]: …Any…minute…now…
---The cloaked figure is once again impatiently tapping its foot. Lord Zoma twittle his thumbs, chuckling nervously. Three minutes goes by until the sound of someone approaching can be heard from outside.
[Lord Zoma]: Ha! This is the end for you! Ha Ha Ha!!!
---The cloaked figure gets into a combat stance, preparing to face an onslaught of armed guards when an obnoxious, nagging, and extremely nasal voice can be heard…
[???]: Monty!!! Did you hit that alarm by accident again?! Can’t you be your gross and disgusting self without bothering everyone else!
[Lord Zoma]: You!!! That the GREAT LORD ZOMA! Where are my elite guards?!
[???]: What’s so great about YOU! And what elite guards?! They’re all almost as fat and ineffective as you are!
[Lord Zoma]: Just leave and get my guards woman! I’m facing a ruthless mercenary in here! I’m about to be arrested!
[???]: Oh really?! I want a front seat view of this!
[Cloaked Figure]: ?…
[Lord Zoma]: My wife is so irritating…
---The person with the nasal voice comes through the doors. A heavy set full figured woman comes through the door. She had a condescending sneer on her face, but her feet were immaculate and IMMENSE! She stomped into the room to see her “good-for-nothing” dictator husband get his just desserts.
[Wife]: I hope they hang ya from the tallest tree in the world!
---The sour dictator then turned to his would be captor and said…
[Lord Zoma]: Go ahead and take me away from this sasquatch! You’d be going me a favor!…huh?!
---The small cloaked figure, which had been so serious and collected all this time, was not slumped over staring at the wife’s feet and drooling profusely! It had an obscenely long tongue which drooped out of its mouth and touched the floor. It panted much like a dog and it was so hot under the collar that steam was rising out from under its hood!
[Lord Zoma]: What’s wrong with you! You like that sort of thing?
[Wife]: Maybe HE knows beauty when he sees it! Unlike some fat ugly lout I happen to know.
[Lord Zoma]: Quiet you! Well now…I see you like feet…Right?
[Cloaked Figure]: (Still staring) YEAH YEAH YEAH (YUM! SMACK! PANT!…)
[Lord Zoma]: (slowly reaching into his nightstand) …I like a man, er…thing…that knows what it likes…
[Wife]: What are YOU up to!
[Lord Zoma]: SHH! (pulling out a golden revolver) It reminds me of myself back in my youthful days. Just remembering makes be swell with pride deep down…
[Wife]: You couldn’t “swell deep down” if you swallowed a pound of Viagra!
[Lord Zoma]: GRR!!! (raising the revolver to the figure’s head) I believe be can be friends (pulling back the hammer) BEST FRIENDS! (Caressing the trigger with his index finger) Here friend…I have a present for you! WRAPPED IN A COPPER JACKET!!!
---Zoma closes his eyes and pulls the trigger! The figure, with its mysterious gaze totally affixed to the wife’s ponderous pieds, moved its arm so fast it seemed to disappear! The hammer fell and…(THUNK!) No bang?
[Lord Zoma]: What the…(he opens his eyes)…WHAT THE!!!
---The figure had tucked its finger in front of the hammer! This kept it from impacting with the primer of the cartridge behind the barrel! The gun never went off…
[Wife]: He…She…IT…was right there?!?! How could you possible mess it up?! Even a monkey could have finished it off!
[Lord Zoma]: Guards! Guards! Guards!
The guards finally arrive.
[Lord Zoma]: Get her out of here and take care of this little freak!
---One of the guards comes from behind and grabs Zoma’s wife by her are. She raises her foot and strikes the guard in the groin with her heel!
[Wife]: I can let myself out!
---She leaves. Lord Zoma orders the remaining guards to cover his escape. They all rush the tiny figure and are all dealt within minutes. While the cloaked figure was fighting the guards, Lord Zoma was waddling away as fast as he could. He ran to the harem chambers announcing that they were to accompany him to his citadel. A fortified “Panic Tower” within the grounds of his palace. Activating a hidden lever, he and his harem fled through a secret passageway. The cloaked figure defeated the guards using a minimal amount of force and began to pursue the dictator. Zoma and his harem ran through the secret tunnel which lead to a large vault door. This was the door that connected the palace to his citadel. As he approached he could hear the cloaked figure approaching. He stood by the vault door in anticipation of the encounter. As soon as the figure was visible, he began to laugh loudly…
[Lord Zoma]: HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! You’re to late mercenary! When I close this door, nothing can get at me! You just try! HA HA HA!!!
---The cloaked figure then began to move at inhuman speed. Indeed he would have been on top of the dictator in mere seconds. The panic stricken Zoma grabs the hand of the woman closest to him, pulls her inside, and rushes to close the door on the approaching figure. The cloaked figure could have made it, but mysteriously slows down as he approached. Apparently choosing to let the tyrant go. One of the women in the harem turns to the figure and asks…
[Harem1]: I over heard that you were supposed to arrest Lord Zoma. Why did you stop? You could have caught him…
[Cloaked Figure]: He is in a far worse place that I could ever put him. What a waste, they were such a beautiful pair and I didn’t even get a chance to taste them…
[Harem2]: He had enough supplies to last him years in there. Not to mention ever amenity a person could ever want. How could he possibly be in a bad place?!
[Cloaked Figure]: You will see soon enough. Putting that aside… (It eyes the veritable feast of bare foot harem girls before it) ITADAKIMAS!!!
---The cloaked figures tongue lashes out and lavishes each pair of lovely feet with a flurry of laps, licks, and strokes. Some laughed, some squealed, and some began to touch themselves as the long tongue worked it’s way through the crowd. There wasn’t a dry sole left among them by the time it was finished. Meanwhile, on the other side of the huge vault door…
[Lord Zoma]: Now you’ll never get me! HA HA HA!!!
[Wife]: MONTY!!! Who are you talking to?!
[Lord Zoma]: WHAT!!! (Realizing that he grabbed his wife when he escaped) OH NO!!!
[Wife]: You’re PATHETIC!!! Ruler of whole country but you can’t even fight off some pint-sized foot-crazed weirdo!!!
[Lord Zoma]: Someone let me out of here!!!
[Wife]: That’s right! Run away! That’s all you ever do! It’s a wonder that you’re so darn fat!!! Well, You’re gonna get plenty of exercise now!
[Lord Zoma]: What?!
[Wife]: If I’m going to be stuck in here with you, the least you can do is satisfy me! We haven’t done it in months, and the last time we did it, lets just say I’ve had sneezes that lasted longer!
[Lord Zoma]: I AM THE GREAT LORD ZOMA!!! I SHALL NOT BEND TO YOUR WILL OR ANYONE ELSE’S FOR ANY REAS…
---Before he could finish his statement, she very harshly grabs him by the balls in a vice like grip. Twisting and wrenching them. She begins to drag him by the privates into the bowels of he citadel…
[Wife]: Oh shut up Monty! This is all your fault and your going to make up for it!
[Lord Zoma]: (In a high-pitched squeaky voice) CURSE YOU! YOU LITTLE FREAK! MONTY ZOMA’S REVENGE SHALL BE ETERNAL!!!
[Wife]: So you CAN do something for more that 1 minute, besides eating! (Give another twist!)
[Lord Zoma]: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!
---Lord Zoma is never seen in public again. However his “revenge” lives on…
---On a private plane flying to parts unknown…
[Cloaked Figure]: (on a hand radio) This is Ashikage. Mission accomplished!
(POOT! RIP! PLOP!)
[Unknown]: Yes grand master Ashikage. Well done!
(KER-SPLASH! RUMBLE! FART!)
[Ashikage]: T-Thank…ugn…you!
(POP! SPLASH! FART! RIP! FART! POOT! PLOP!)
[Unknown]: There is a lot of background noise. Where are you.
[Ashikage]: In the lavatory…
[Unknown]: …I see. We…er…await your arrival master.
---Similar fates befell all outsiders who visited Anonistan soon after its liberation and after the W.A. lifted it’s sanctions. As a result, Kaopectate is their chief pharmaceutical import and is given in place of flowers when visitors arrive in via airports or ocean cruises…
In this story, you will be given a VERY BROAD intro to the main character and "Its" personality. The pace of this story is purposely slow, future stories will (hopefully) be laugh riots! Any advice, comments, suggestions, and complaints will be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!
Enjoy.
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DEPOSED DICTATOR
INTRODUCTION STORY
---The place, Anonistan. The time, 7:00PM. A dictator known to his people as “Lord Zoma” is hoarding most of the country’s wealth and resources. His palace is a shining monument of opulence, while just outside the gates the rest of the country is made up of slums, ghettos, and shanty towns. Those who live adjacent to the gates must struggle to pull water from their drying wells while the golden fountains just inside the gates are always flowing with crystal clear water. Sanctions have been enacted by the W.A. (World Alliance) against the dictator for his cruelty. But these seem to hurt the citizens more than the dictator, for they are the ones who’s businesses become hampered by them. At a loss for a quick solution and unable to declare war (which would only hurt the citizens even more), the W.A.’s hands are effectively tied. At this time a small figure cloaked in a black robe approaches the tall palace gates of the palace under the cover of darkness. Its approach is quick and steady. When it finally reached the gates it lifted what could only be described as a disproportionately enormous foot and clutched the bars between it’s tremendous toes, then the mysterious figure proceeded to “stroll” up the bars of the palace gates without so much as a pause or hesitation! When the figure reached the top it tilted upward to a standing position then tilted forward and began to “stroll” down the other side!
---When the figure reached the bottom it be returned to its original upright position and continued through the grand garden. The atmosphere here stood in stark contrast to that outside the gates. The figure took a moment to survey its surroundings. It could see lush greenery, fertile soil, tall fruit bearing trees, and finely paved walkways. It let out a small huff, leaped up into one of the tall trees, snaps off a branch with a ripe piece of fruit, and lands effortlessly on the ground. It consumes the fruit as it brazenly walks down the paved path. No guards can be found patrolling the dark palace grounds in the biting cold of the night, no doubt due to a sense of complacency created by the tall and seemingly impassable wall the cloaked figure “passed” just moments ago. Our figure strolls the grounds completely unimpeded by any barriers or defenses. It finds an entrance and enters. The security is almost as lax inside as it is on the outside. There are guards, but they are hardly on alert. They are playing cards, showing off their muscles, and bantering about everything and nothing. One especially loud one can be heard:
[Guard1]: Ain’t this job grand! We can eat and drink and do what ever we want and get PAID for it! Ha ha ha!
[Guard2]: Shouldn’t we be on patrol or at our posts? I mean, what if someone tries to break in?
[All]: WAHA HA HA HA HA!!!
[Guard3]: Heh! Let me guess, your new around here!?
[Guard2]: Well…yeah.
[Guard1]: Let me fill you in on a little something kid! You see that wall?
[Guard2]: Yeah! It’s kind of hard to miss…
[Guard1]: NOTHING! And I mean NOTHING gets past it. I was like you once, I used to freeze my butt off every night during the evening shift while those who knew better were inside sipping coffee and banging maids! Relax, there hasn’t been a successful attempt made yet!
[Guard2]: Well, if you say so. You are my C.O.
[Guard1]: Yes! I say so! Welcome to the best and most boring job in all the land! Ha Ha! Come, have a drink with me! Someone pass the jug!
---The cloaked figure is already sitting next to the senior guard, it passes him the jug as requested.
[Guard1]: Ha ha, thanks pal! Can you believe this guy…!!!…Hey! Who are you?!
---All turn and stare at the miniscule cloaked form. It strikes the senior guard with the tip of its rather small index finger, knocking him clear across the room. The other guards look on with shock and awe. The senior guard was a large and burly man, yet he was sent flying so easily?! The small hand once again emerged from the cloak and beckoned the remaining guards to try their luck. Another guard reluctantly responds, charging forward with his spear. Confident that he would impale the small figure, he nearly soiled himself when the figure stopped the point of the spear with the palm of its hand. Pushing forward against the point it sent this guard flying back directly on top of the senior guard.
---Three of the other guards all rushed in with swords drawn. The figure calmly draws the branch it snapped off of the tree from outside and parries the first strike, then the second and the third!
[guard]: How is that possible? It’s just a twig!
---With the same thin branch, it swings hard and breaks the guard’s swords! And with a sweeping kick from its big foot, it sends the next three guards crashing in a heap on top of the aforementioned senior guard.
[Guard2]: Wait! You still have me to tangle with.
---The last guard draws his sword. The cloaked figure just watches him. The guard circles it. His hands steady and his eyes burning with determination. This one hasn’t been in that lax guard station long enough to forget his training! Expertly handling his sword, he lunges forward, feints an overhead swing and comes from the side. The cloaked figure drops the branch, moves toward the last guard and grabs his arm with its left hand, stopping him in mid swing. In the same movement, the figure strikes hard at the guard’s sternum with the palm of its right hand. The guard stopped dead in his tracks. A full second goes by before the back of the guard’s armor is blown out! The force of that palm blast appears to have traveled right though him. The shockwave continues on and creates a dent in the wall behind him. The last guard slumps over and hit’s the ground, alive but obviously in no condition to continue fighting.
The figure listens intently for the sounds of an alarm being raised, but hears in the distance.
[???]: Hey did you hear that loud thud!?
[??]: Ah it’s probably those guards out by the wall partying to hard! Ignore ‘em, they’ll pass out drunk soon enough!
---The cloaked figure bows to his defeated adversary and continues its trek into the lavish halls of the dictators palace and ultimately to the dictator himself. All about, the security is so lax that extreme stealthy maneuvers are completely unnecessary. No doubt most of the guards here probably haven’t used their swords in many years. Some did not even bother to carry one. They probably lay rusting in the guard’s barracks.
---While making its way though the halls and corridors of the palace, the cloaked figure DID pass other guards. However, they were either intoxicated, sleeping, reading dirty magazines, or doing something other than what they were being paid to do.
---After a short while and some very minor skirmishes, the clocked figure found himself in the very bowels of the palace. Visible bored, the figure strolled seemingly aimlessly until the subtle scent of food could be detected. It followed the aroma until it finally found it’s way to a large kitchen. The chefs there were busy preparing a lavish dinner. Shrimp, lobster, cracked crab, steaks, the finest wines and cheeses, and pieces of fruit almost too beautiful to eat. This spread could only be for one person! The cloaked figure, using the most effort it’s had to all night, snuck into the kitchen and under the embroidered cloth of one of the serving trolleys. From here, the servants would just wheel it to the dictator, instead of it having to look for him.
---A short time later the trolley was wheel into the dictators personal chambers. Peeking out from under the expensive cloth, it could see that these chambers were even more opulent than the rest of the palace. These chambers were adorned with the finest silk drapes, the most complex tapestries, the most beautiful paintings, and the most brilliant jewels. There was gold EVERYWHERE. It was as if these chambers housed King Midas himself! The trolley stopped moving in front of what appeared to be a giant golden bed. A large and fat man rolled to the side and sat down.
[Servant]: Your dinner, Lord Zoma.
---The large man, a dead ringer for a lite “Jaba the hut”, looked at the three overflowing trolleys and replied,
[Lord Zoma]: Such a scant amount!?
[Servant]: Well, your personal doctor said you need to go on a diet…
[Lord Zoma]: Oh right. It’s hard being such a stud! Ha ha ha
---As he laughed, his many layers of fat jiggled and vibrated, inspiring a cringe from the servants.
[Lord Zoma]: Don’t you think so?
[Servant1]: Oh yes Lord Zoma!
[servant2]: …er…of course my lord…
[Lord Zoma]: You hesitated. Do you not think that I am handsome.
[Servant2]: …er…yes…I mean no! …uh….Please forgive my great Lord Zoma!
[Lord Zoma]: Ah yes. I am feeling generous today. So it will be lenient, you are banished!
[Servant2]: …as you command…
---The servant left with his head lowered. Though he just lost his job, he knew that he got off quite easy. These was another servant not unlike himself that is in the dungeon right now for commenting that he did not like Lord Zoma’s haircut five years ago! The remaining two servants left, leaving Lord Zoma to savor his dinner. Before he began he made a proclamation.
[Lord Zoma]: I shall like to work up an appetite first!
---He rose out of bed and waddled his way down a short hall to a large door with golden highlights. This was the entrance to his private harem chamber. Here he kept the most attractive women in the country for his personal enjoyment…but not necessarily theirs. He waddled inside and closed the door behind him.
[Lord Zoma]: Ladies! Ready for a good time! Ready or not here I come!
---The cloaked figure emerged from under the serving trolley. Surveying the room, it looked for a good ambush point. Within seconds it had chosen one, the grand tapestry next to the door. It provided more than enough cover for his tiny frame. No sooner than when it lowered its foot to the ground could it hear foot steps on the other side. It quickly retreats back under the serving trolley, expecting one of the ladies to enter, when it turns out to be the Zoma himself! He yelled in a loud obnoxious voice…
[Lord Zoma]: What a terrific lay! Your welcome baby!!! I worked up quite an appetite! Ha ha ha!
---The figures eyes pop wide open…he couldn’t have been gone for more that two minutes! And that includes the time coming and going! Apparently he isn’t just quick to punish…
---Visibly frustrated, yet slightly amused, it waited for Lord Zoma to finish his meal, for it would be his last as a dictator. Scarfing down the meal in big handfuls, the figure seemingly wouldn’t have long to wait. Zoma finished his large meal.
[Lord Zoma]: (BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRP!!!) Sigh (POOOOOOOOOOT!!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!) Ah! That was good!
---Lord Zoma was not quite satisfied, but of course he was on a diet… The figure, which is now seated next to Zoma, taps him on the shoulder and offers him a napkin.
[Lord Zoma]: Thank you.
---Zoma takes the napkin, wipes his mouth, picks his ears, and blows his nose. He then offers it back to the cloaked figure, oblivious to the fact that there is a stranger right next to him! The figure quickly discards the thoroughly soiled napkin and prepares to surprise him as he did with the senior wall guard not long ago. In fact, Zoma gets up and begins to walk around, still oblivious to the threat the cloaked figure presents. He then walk into his gold laden bathroom and proceeds to take an absurdly loud dump! He thunders, plops and splashes up a real storm in there. He emerges utterly exhausted. The stench causes the small cloaked figure to wretch and heave, still in plain sight. Zoma yawns and prepared to settle into bed, while the small cloaked figure is growing increasing annoyed. Lord Zoma is about to fall asleep when he feels a pressure on his stomach. He open his eyes and sees the figure standing on top of his ample gut and impatiently tapping its foot. In fact it takes him several minutes to finally realize that he has never seen the person.
[Lord Zoma]: Who are you!
---For the first time we here the cloaked figure speak, but only in a low menacing whisper.
[Cloaked Figure]: It’s over. You are coming with me.
[Lord Zoma]: You’re from the outside aren’t you?! How did you get in here?!
[Cloaked Figure]: That is of little importance right now. Your reign of oppression ends tonight, I’ve been hired to arrest you…
[Lord Zoma]: We’ll see about that!
---Lord Zoma reached over to press the dusty alarm button. However…he can’t quite reach it! The figure gives a sigh, jumps over to the tyrant’s nightstand and nudges the button closer with its big toe. Zoma presses the button…
[Lord Zoma]: Ha! This is the end for you! Ha Ha Ha!!!
---There is a long period of silence…
[Lord Zoma]: …
[Cloaked Figure]: …
[Lord Zoma]: …Any…minute…now…
---The cloaked figure is once again impatiently tapping its foot. Lord Zoma twittle his thumbs, chuckling nervously. Three minutes goes by until the sound of someone approaching can be heard from outside.
[Lord Zoma]: Ha! This is the end for you! Ha Ha Ha!!!
---The cloaked figure gets into a combat stance, preparing to face an onslaught of armed guards when an obnoxious, nagging, and extremely nasal voice can be heard…
[???]: Monty!!! Did you hit that alarm by accident again?! Can’t you be your gross and disgusting self without bothering everyone else!
[Lord Zoma]: You!!! That the GREAT LORD ZOMA! Where are my elite guards?!
[???]: What’s so great about YOU! And what elite guards?! They’re all almost as fat and ineffective as you are!
[Lord Zoma]: Just leave and get my guards woman! I’m facing a ruthless mercenary in here! I’m about to be arrested!
[???]: Oh really?! I want a front seat view of this!
[Cloaked Figure]: ?…
[Lord Zoma]: My wife is so irritating…
---The person with the nasal voice comes through the doors. A heavy set full figured woman comes through the door. She had a condescending sneer on her face, but her feet were immaculate and IMMENSE! She stomped into the room to see her “good-for-nothing” dictator husband get his just desserts.
[Wife]: I hope they hang ya from the tallest tree in the world!
---The sour dictator then turned to his would be captor and said…
[Lord Zoma]: Go ahead and take me away from this sasquatch! You’d be going me a favor!…huh?!
---The small cloaked figure, which had been so serious and collected all this time, was not slumped over staring at the wife’s feet and drooling profusely! It had an obscenely long tongue which drooped out of its mouth and touched the floor. It panted much like a dog and it was so hot under the collar that steam was rising out from under its hood!
[Lord Zoma]: What’s wrong with you! You like that sort of thing?
[Wife]: Maybe HE knows beauty when he sees it! Unlike some fat ugly lout I happen to know.
[Lord Zoma]: Quiet you! Well now…I see you like feet…Right?
[Cloaked Figure]: (Still staring) YEAH YEAH YEAH (YUM! SMACK! PANT!…)
[Lord Zoma]: (slowly reaching into his nightstand) …I like a man, er…thing…that knows what it likes…
[Wife]: What are YOU up to!
[Lord Zoma]: SHH! (pulling out a golden revolver) It reminds me of myself back in my youthful days. Just remembering makes be swell with pride deep down…
[Wife]: You couldn’t “swell deep down” if you swallowed a pound of Viagra!
[Lord Zoma]: GRR!!! (raising the revolver to the figure’s head) I believe be can be friends (pulling back the hammer) BEST FRIENDS! (Caressing the trigger with his index finger) Here friend…I have a present for you! WRAPPED IN A COPPER JACKET!!!
---Zoma closes his eyes and pulls the trigger! The figure, with its mysterious gaze totally affixed to the wife’s ponderous pieds, moved its arm so fast it seemed to disappear! The hammer fell and…(THUNK!) No bang?
[Lord Zoma]: What the…(he opens his eyes)…WHAT THE!!!
---The figure had tucked its finger in front of the hammer! This kept it from impacting with the primer of the cartridge behind the barrel! The gun never went off…
[Wife]: He…She…IT…was right there?!?! How could you possible mess it up?! Even a monkey could have finished it off!
[Lord Zoma]: Guards! Guards! Guards!
The guards finally arrive.
[Lord Zoma]: Get her out of here and take care of this little freak!
---One of the guards comes from behind and grabs Zoma’s wife by her are. She raises her foot and strikes the guard in the groin with her heel!
[Wife]: I can let myself out!
---She leaves. Lord Zoma orders the remaining guards to cover his escape. They all rush the tiny figure and are all dealt within minutes. While the cloaked figure was fighting the guards, Lord Zoma was waddling away as fast as he could. He ran to the harem chambers announcing that they were to accompany him to his citadel. A fortified “Panic Tower” within the grounds of his palace. Activating a hidden lever, he and his harem fled through a secret passageway. The cloaked figure defeated the guards using a minimal amount of force and began to pursue the dictator. Zoma and his harem ran through the secret tunnel which lead to a large vault door. This was the door that connected the palace to his citadel. As he approached he could hear the cloaked figure approaching. He stood by the vault door in anticipation of the encounter. As soon as the figure was visible, he began to laugh loudly…
[Lord Zoma]: HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! You’re to late mercenary! When I close this door, nothing can get at me! You just try! HA HA HA!!!
---The cloaked figure then began to move at inhuman speed. Indeed he would have been on top of the dictator in mere seconds. The panic stricken Zoma grabs the hand of the woman closest to him, pulls her inside, and rushes to close the door on the approaching figure. The cloaked figure could have made it, but mysteriously slows down as he approached. Apparently choosing to let the tyrant go. One of the women in the harem turns to the figure and asks…
[Harem1]: I over heard that you were supposed to arrest Lord Zoma. Why did you stop? You could have caught him…
[Cloaked Figure]: He is in a far worse place that I could ever put him. What a waste, they were such a beautiful pair and I didn’t even get a chance to taste them…
[Harem2]: He had enough supplies to last him years in there. Not to mention ever amenity a person could ever want. How could he possibly be in a bad place?!
[Cloaked Figure]: You will see soon enough. Putting that aside… (It eyes the veritable feast of bare foot harem girls before it) ITADAKIMAS!!!
---The cloaked figures tongue lashes out and lavishes each pair of lovely feet with a flurry of laps, licks, and strokes. Some laughed, some squealed, and some began to touch themselves as the long tongue worked it’s way through the crowd. There wasn’t a dry sole left among them by the time it was finished. Meanwhile, on the other side of the huge vault door…
[Lord Zoma]: Now you’ll never get me! HA HA HA!!!
[Wife]: MONTY!!! Who are you talking to?!
[Lord Zoma]: WHAT!!! (Realizing that he grabbed his wife when he escaped) OH NO!!!
[Wife]: You’re PATHETIC!!! Ruler of whole country but you can’t even fight off some pint-sized foot-crazed weirdo!!!
[Lord Zoma]: Someone let me out of here!!!
[Wife]: That’s right! Run away! That’s all you ever do! It’s a wonder that you’re so darn fat!!! Well, You’re gonna get plenty of exercise now!
[Lord Zoma]: What?!
[Wife]: If I’m going to be stuck in here with you, the least you can do is satisfy me! We haven’t done it in months, and the last time we did it, lets just say I’ve had sneezes that lasted longer!
[Lord Zoma]: I AM THE GREAT LORD ZOMA!!! I SHALL NOT BEND TO YOUR WILL OR ANYONE ELSE’S FOR ANY REAS…
---Before he could finish his statement, she very harshly grabs him by the balls in a vice like grip. Twisting and wrenching them. She begins to drag him by the privates into the bowels of he citadel…
[Wife]: Oh shut up Monty! This is all your fault and your going to make up for it!
[Lord Zoma]: (In a high-pitched squeaky voice) CURSE YOU! YOU LITTLE FREAK! MONTY ZOMA’S REVENGE SHALL BE ETERNAL!!!
[Wife]: So you CAN do something for more that 1 minute, besides eating! (Give another twist!)
[Lord Zoma]: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!
---Lord Zoma is never seen in public again. However his “revenge” lives on…
---On a private plane flying to parts unknown…
[Cloaked Figure]: (on a hand radio) This is Ashikage. Mission accomplished!
(POOT! RIP! PLOP!)
[Unknown]: Yes grand master Ashikage. Well done!
(KER-SPLASH! RUMBLE! FART!)
[Ashikage]: T-Thank…ugn…you!
(POP! SPLASH! FART! RIP! FART! POOT! PLOP!)
[Unknown]: There is a lot of background noise. Where are you.
[Ashikage]: In the lavatory…
[Unknown]: …I see. We…er…await your arrival master.
---Similar fates befell all outsiders who visited Anonistan soon after its liberation and after the W.A. lifted it’s sanctions. As a result, Kaopectate is their chief pharmaceutical import and is given in place of flowers when visitors arrive in via airports or ocean cruises…
THE END
