Bacon-Wrapped Carrot Sticks: Because I Can

[c7_assassin]

At a recent consultation with my so-called 'doctor' I was informed that my daily diet of three helpings of fried meat washed down with a bottle of Kentucky bourbon is not in my long-term health interests. He wasn't really clear on specifics, but he did mention that it's unquestionably going to kill me before I'm thirty.

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/homer%20simpson" target="_blank"><img src="http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t310/bluefish1200/homer-simpson.jpg" border="0" alt="Homer Simpson Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>
Skin isn't supposed to be this yellow? You lied to me, Homer!​

While this quack has obviously been taken in by the deliberate misinformation campaign propagated by Big Vegetable, I agreed to heed his advice, if only because I depend on him for the myriad of pills that keep me peppy, happy, mellow, sleepy, horny and hallucinate-y (sometimes all at the same time!)

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/pills" target="_blank"><img src="http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/ElectricLove97/pills.jpg" border="0" alt="pills Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>
The pink ones taste like my father's approval!​

But rather than mope, I had a startling revelation (thanks, blue pill!). Vegetables are essentially water suspended in fibre; they provide texture but no real calories. This makes them the perfect real-food delivery system.

And so, I am pleased to announce my new calling as a culinary genius and gourmet chef of a very niche cuisine: healthy things, wrapped in glorious meat and fried in fat until they're awesome. Because they can make me start eating vegetables, but they can't make me stop mocking god. 😀

<a href="http://s932.photobucket.com/albums/ad163/j_gallag/?action=view&current=Photo255.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i932.photobucket.com/albums/ad163/j_gallag/Photo255.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
Look at them. Look. At. Them.​

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I can honestly say, vegetables never tasted so good! 😀

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

Still needs dipping sauce(white gravy). You can now wash it down with the bacon milkshake. See the new thread. What's next? A defibulator as a prize in a happy meal? Your diet should save a fortune on embalming! Chicken fried in lard in an iron skillet cannot be beat. I think its time for a Waffle House run!

 

[c7_assassin]

I forgot the dipping sauce! Noooooooo!

 

[paracarl44]

Is this National Bacon Month????????????????

I just got done reading a thread about bacon milkshakes.

 

[voided9]

All I can really say right now is... I love you. You're my hero.

Also...BACON!

 

[Bugman]

You must consume a lot of those blue pills. 😛

 

[General Zod]

It seems that bacon has jumped the shark.Ever have bacon jerky?

 

[c7_assassin]

It seems that bacon has jumped the shark.Ever have bacon jerky?

Please. Bacon-wrapped celery sticks, now that would be jumping the shark. 😛

Bacon jerky, no. Bacon-wrapped jerky...now that would be interesting. 😀

 

[General Zod]

Please. Bacon-wrapped celery sticks, now that would be jumping the shark. 😛

Bacon jerky, no. Bacon-wrapped jerky...now that would be interesting. 😀

Bacon wrapped celery?

 

[Bohemianne]

^ A glimpse, in case you saved the last red pill... 😱 😀

 

[kered]

c7........this is brilliant! If you ever run for Emperor of the World you can damn sure count on my vote!


Bohemianne...............I just fell in love with you all over again.

 

[c7_assassin]

^ A glimpse, in case you saved the last red pill... 😱 😀

*comes*

 

[Bohemianne]

Bohemianne...............I just fell in love with you all over again.

Aaw! >>>>

*comes*

I see typo...LOL 😀

 

[stroker]

You contaminate Bacon with Vegetables !!! No wonder you're gonna die early . Veg is water and fibre , fibre does fuck all except pass thru you . fruit is sugar and water . Meat gives you the power . Embrace your inner carnivore . Your mission statement is in the words of Keith Richards " A doctor gave me six months to live, I went to his funeral "

 

[kered]

Oh hell, c7....I'd even vote for you twice.

 

[BlackestLily]

Perhaps try eating meat that includes words in the name that SOUND like vegetables.
Hickory bacon.
Hickory is a tree.
I used to pretend broccoli WAS a tree before I ate it.
Broccoli is a vegetable.

The six degrees of bacon.