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Best Date Ever?

jxavier

jxavier

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Nov 15, 2010
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Hello friends,

I'm a pretty young dude who doesn't understand a lot of things about life and society and myself. There's the disclaimer.

That being said, it has been a very very long time since I've been on a date. Like... a REAL one, with an almost/complete stranger, where you take her out and you ask her things and she asks you things and you both laugh and you present the best parts of yourself and all that. Well, I have a date tonight with a beautiful girl (SHORT beautiful girl). And I'm nervous.

I feel like this past year or two I've been absent from the social scene of the world recovering from a DUI, a heroin addiction, and a number of other things that sorta kill the romantic, libidinous buzz. I've been slightly hedonistic when it comes to women, as I have had quite a few of those good ol' fuck buddies this whole time, and I think that has spoiled me like... sexually.

But I want to be part of the world again! I want to step out of those dark bedrooms filled with cigarette smoke that she said we could only smoke inside tonight (they say it every night), I want to dress up and look pretty and hold doors open for girls and pay for meals. I mean... not like a lot, women are totally capable of doing those things, I just want to do it at least once or twice. But are those even still the rules anymore? Haven't we, in the 21st century, destroyed all conventional interactions with our post-modernism and our drugs (but mainly drugs)?

I guess I'm very nervous for tonight... I want her to have a good time, I just get nervous when I know that I'm gonna be with just ONE person for a long time, and that a lot of the activity and fun and overall perspective of the night is going to be based on how I interact with her.

Any thoughts on this? Ladies? Men? Romantic Dogs?
 
First thought, stay the fuck away from the heroine. Seriously hun, it's god awful for the human body and will ruin YOU and your LIFE! It's better to eat ICE CREAM all day than to take that shit into your body! Second off, if by "fuck buddies" you mean you've slept with women who want cash in return (aka prostitutes) then I think you need to examine your life in general as well as your state of mind. Using women for sex is not a nice thing to do at all.

Please don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying your a bad person or that you've hiried hookers. What I'm saying is you may (or may not) need to get your life on track again (if you haven't already). What I mean by "on track" is get a decent apartment (NOT ONE where the walls smell like SMOKE [YUCK]), start wearing decent clothes and grooming yourself, get a decent job, and get everything else in your life that needs to be in order IN ORDER BEFORE you start dating again.

If your life is in order though, then yes, I would definitely recommend setting foot into a solid, stable, relationship (personally I can see how a nice romantic relationship would do you some good). Just remember ANY RELATIONSHIP is built around ONE SOLID PRINCIPLE: TRUST...and that takes a bit to build. Be patient, see some people, and live a good life (and keep the HELL away from narcotics).
 
Breathe. Relax. And flow.

Confidence is a woman's heroin. 21st century didn't change that.
 
I'm sorry Rox, but none of that is really all that relevant or helpful to me right now, except for the trust thing. I don't need someone to preach to me about drugs, I have seen how horrible it is. I am clean and I have seriously spent countless time thinking about addiction and what I've learned from it. I really really don't need that talk right now, I've had it a billion times with myself and with my trusted friends who went through the same thing. I would have asked for that if I wanted to talk about it.

Secondly... yeah, thanks for the whole prostitute thing. Once again, not really my dilemma. I have never paid for sex, nor had sex with a stranger, nor have I even ever had a once night stand. These girls are friends, good friends who are just as bored and lonely and horny as I am. It's kind of odd that you just assumed that I live in a horrible ratty apartment with no job, a taste for hookers, no sense of personal hygiene and no sense of fashion. I have a very steady, good-paying job. I volunteer for numerous non-profits. I live in a wonderful studio apartment in a nice neighborhood and it doesn't smell like smoke (I was saying the girls apartments are the ones we smoke in, I see now how that was a little ambiguous). And I look damn good nowadays (compared to the past).

All that being said.... my life is on track. I didn't ask for advice on how to make that happen, I'm doing a (decently) fine job at it. I could still use A LOT of work, but that's neither here nor there.

I was asking advice on dating. That was it. It has been an insanely long time since I've been on a real date and I have a little anxiety about tonight. And despite me being able to be a clean, do-goodn' man, I would still like advice on actually interacting with people in this setting. Because here, I am an alien.
 
Romantic dogs? Well... hi.

Anyway, when it comes to dating, there's plenty of cliches, be yourself, be confident, be relaxed, etc, and I think while there is some wisdom there, the advice is not that practical.

First of all, I would say have some conversation topics prepared, what do you do, what's it like, where you from, hobbies, interests, etc. Awkward silence is not good, so just try to keep the conversation flowing. Listen to what she says and ask follow up questions. Make a few witty remarks or puns or jokes if you can. Try to make her laugh. Don't mention your DUI or drugs or tickling fetish or anything near those lines. Also I wouldn't brag about having fuck buddies.

Aside from that, dress nicely, compliment her jewelry/clothes/etc, don't check your phone (too much) while you're with her and generally try to be the perfect gentleman. Smile a lot. Tickle her a bit if the situation allows it. Tickling was originally a courtship a thing after all.
 
I think its commendable that you sought help for yourself and got clean. I hope your date went well and i wish you all the best.
-Airi
 
Your tagline thing says, "Victim of Circumstances." Let's just say that I was a victim of a circumstance too. If that answers your question.
 
jxavier said:
Your tagline thing says, "Victim of Circumstances." Let's just say that I was a victim of a circumstance too. If that answers your question.
Click to expand...

Ohhhh that's the worst, nothing sucks more than having a situation go bad due to actions outside your control
 
Yeah, but it sure teaches you a good lesson every time it does.
 
Assuming of course that the circumstances you are a victim of isn't death :stickout
 
You don't know that you don't learn something from dying! Have you ever done it?
 
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