Blunt, disrespect, where is the line?

[Leo tickles]

Yup, time for another one of these life solving questions from me. In case some of you don't know, I'm Leo, 18, from Ohio. I have money to survive, and I sit at home all day doing nothing but reading. I read books about life, feelings, the mind, etc etc. So, I was reading a few books on teaching (Goals I won't ever accomplish.), and it was talking about being you, altering you, and some other stuff about children and teaching them about "love" and all that stuff.

So, I put the book down and I was wondering something. Seeing as how I am generally labeled as "crazy", I figured my own answer would most likely be wrong, so I came here.

Most of my life I have told people what I thought, just straight up. If I think somebody is stupid, I tell them I do. If I want something, I tell people I want it. If you worked 24/7 on a project and I think it sucks, I tell them exactly that, and how to make it better.

So the question here is, when is the line crossed? The latest thing that caused this was one of my online friends coming to visit me. She was wearing this dress, which looked like it cost like a bazillion dollars. She's all like, "how do I look?" My response was "I'm an 18 year male in America, you're wearing a dress like you're going to a congress meeting." Yeah, she got offended, smacked me, and left.

Question is, the fuck did she expect out of me? That's seriously what I thought when I saw her. I mean, common, I'm 18, she's 20, and she's acting like its our wedding day.

So, when do you stop walking in order to not cross the line?

 

[Frenzy7772003]

Hey Man

Im also a 18/M from Ohio. I too am just like you man, IM straight up as can be. Thats the way I was raised. There is a line. When someones feelings or self esteem are at stake, its good to be more gentle. I even just now thought of a way you can stay 100 percent totally honest and still be nice. Like the girl with the "congress" dress...... you couldve found something about it that you liekd and pointed that out. You woulda looked like the sweetheart, we at the forum all know you are, haha and your face wouldn.t have taken the slap. Find the positive, thats a great philosophy on alot of outlooks. SO next time a homeless man asks how does he look, you should say....Well your stained teeth really make the colors of your eyes pop out more....hahahahahaha hope it somewhat helps man if not im sorry, i tried later dude

FRENZY

 

[Leo tickles]

Thanks for the reply. However, I don't pick and choose things. I look at the over all picture. Books say that without every detail a painting could not be. I say without an overall idea the details wouldn't have been thought of in the first place. And the overall picture was she was acting like it was our wedding. As for the slap to my face, I don't mind. Females will always be females. *shrug* Some could be different, most aren't go figure.

As far as the homeless person example goes, I'll tell them straight up they're worthless because they are. Get up and apply at the cafe you sit by 24/7, and then you won't be homeless. That's what I would say.


The whole feelings thing, the truth is supposed to hurt feelings, because in most scenrio's the truth isn't a sweet lie, and that's the problem. I mean, I don't want to hurt feelings, but I'm not gonna sugar coat things just so somebody can sleep at night. I got my problems, I deal with them. It's life, feelings get hurt. *shrugs*

 

[PainTrain]

As far as the homeless person example goes, I'll tell them straight up they're worthless because they are. Get up and apply at the cafe you sit by 24/7, and then you won't be homeless. That's what I would say.

You try asking for a job when you live in a box, and have had the same clothes on for the last 4 weeks, and reek of shit. See how far you get. I'm touchy when it comes to the homeless issue, so forgive me if I seem rude. Not everyone has had everything handed to them in life (not saying you have). Some people don't have the benefits of a family to support/help support them. Some people can't sit around and play on xbox live, because they don't have the luxury of even having the basics in life... You know, the things most Americans take for granted. Not all homeless people WANT to be homeless, and not all of them are drug addicts, and contrary to popular belief, some of them DO try and initiate change themselves. Unfortunately, the stigma that people get from being in that position in the first place often keeps them down.

I remember a few years ago I walked by a homeless man on the way back to my car, and he was dangerously skinny. I saw another guy walk by him, and when the homeless man asked for some spare change, the guy replied "go find work". I stood there in amazement and anger. In fact, I wanted to beat his ass. I calmed myself, and remembered the things that Jesus taught about the poor. I walked over to him; he was now sitting up against the wall on a blanket. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had pretty much given up at that point. He looked as if he wanted to die. I knelt down and told him "Never give up man... Have faith, the Lord hears you, and the Shepard never forgets his sheep." and I handed him a 50 dollar bill. He looked at me and smiled, and said "God bless you". I've never seen such a warm, caring smile in all of my life.

Don't take anything for granted.



I got a little carried away there, but as for the original topic, it's ok to be blunt. In my opinion, it's really a matter of either being polite and tasteful about your opinion, or being tasteless. I usually find that there are many different ways that you can express how you feel to someone. Just my thoughts.

 

[kis123]

Thanks for the reply. However, I don't pick and choose things. I look at the over all picture. Books say that without every detail a painting could not be. I say without an overall idea the details wouldn't have been thought of in the first place. And the overall picture was she was acting like it was our wedding. As for the slap to my face, I don't mind. Females will always be females. *shrug* Some could be different, most aren't go figure.

As far as the homeless person example goes, I'll tell them straight up they're worthless because they are. Get up and apply at the cafe you sit by 24/7, and then you won't be homeless. That's what I would say.


The whole feelings thing, the truth is supposed to hurt feelings, because in most scenrio's the truth isn't a sweet lie, and that's the problem. I mean, I don't want to hurt feelings, but I'm not gonna sugar coat things just so somebody can sleep at night. I got my problems, I deal with them. It's life, feelings get hurt. *shrugs*

The problem starts with your concept of the "truth". What you define as truth is not absolute. It is based on your perception, your opinion, and is therefore totally subjective. Based on this concept, your truth is not going to be the same as mine depending upon the issue.

If all you do is sit at home and read books, that's another problem. You need to develop some serious social skills or plan on getting slapped a lot in the future. You sound like you're in a world of your own and relatively oblivious to what's going on outside of it. Your initial post in this thread makes you appear selfish, self-centered, and totally void of compassion. I'm not surre if that's what you wanted to do, but that's how you've mananged to effect me.

I'm sure if you really tried, you could've found something positive to say to the young lady. Did she get dressed up to look nice for you? Is she a girlfriend or potential girlfriend? Well, your so-called "truth" ripped her heart out and got you a slap in the face. Unless you plan to spend the rest of your life with your books, you're going to have to approach things differently. That's just the way life is and it's not going to adjust to you and your "truth."

Yeah, sometimes you can't afford to sugar coat your honesty-someone's life might depend on it someday. But being honest does not have to equate to being blunt, curt, short, and rude to others, does it?

 

[pfromptown]

The problem is what you said to the girl was gratuitous. You didn't need to include the congress crack in your answer. You can be truthful without hurting people's feelings. Just don't give out unnecessary wisecracks. I manage it.

 

[just_incorrect]

The problem starts with your concept of the "truth". What you define as truth is not absolute. It is based on your perception, your opinion, and is therefore totally subjective. Based on this concept, your truth is not going to be the same as mine depending upon the issue.

To a certain extent I agree with KIS, but we defer on what is consider the truth. There is not such thing as the true; it’s what people want to hear. Ex. My wife said that she want me to be honest with everything I say to her. I asked if she really want me to be honest, because I knew if I did there will be more fights in the future.

She said yes, (a classic Pandora’s Box) so I did it for a week and believe me all hell broke loss. When I remind her that she wanted me to be honest the look in her eyes was “and you believed me?”

You can say want is on your mind but believe this there will be repercussions; people walks around being politically correct (depending on what power is running the country at the time) but if you say want is actually on your mind you just might get your ass kicked (the girl striking you). They call it social skill, I call it hypocrisy

People these days need to have thicker skin

 

[Leo tickles]

The problem starts with your concept of the "truth". What you define as truth is not absolute. It is based on your perception, your opinion, and is therefore totally subjective. Based on this concept, your truth is not going to be the same as mine depending upon the issue.

If all you do is sit at home and read books, that's another problem. You need to develop some serious social skills or plan on getting slapped a lot in the future. You sound like you're in a world of your own and relatively oblivious to what's going on outside of it. Your initial post in this thread makes you appear selfish, self-centered, and totally void of compassion. I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to do, but that's how you've managed to effect me.

I'm sure if you really tried, you could found something positive to say to the young lady. Did she get dressed up to look nice for you? Is she a girlfriend or potential girlfriend? Well, your so-called "truth" ripped her heart out and got you a slap in the face. Unless you plan to spend the rest of your life with your books, you're going to have to approach things differently. That's just the way life is and it's not going to adjust to you and your "truth."
Yeah, sometimes you can't afford to sugar coat your honesty-someone's life might depend on it someday. But being honest does not have to equate to being blunt, curt, short, and rude to others, does it?

First bolding- opinion.
Second- how do you know?


I'm sorry if I'm coming off as selfish and self centered, maybe that's what I am, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I don't "need" to do anything. I'm happier with my books then a typical girl could ever make me. This girl was nothing more than somebody wanting to come over and hang out, and she was taking a risk by coming here. It didn't pay off for her. I don't regret a thing. I look at it this way= It's not my fault people can't handle my truth. I didn't make her stay, I was just offering what I had, and those where my thoughts. She chose to smack me and leave, which is fine.


I wasn't really born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and I definitely don't have support, but that doesn't mean I sit outside and ask for change all day to survive. I put in time and effort to save money to survive, and I do.

Back to the self centered part.Why do I come off as self centered? Because I sit and read all day? Isn't the point of reading to gain knowledge? And isn't the point of knowing something to teach it? I'm not trying to figure life out all for myself, I'm trying to figure all that I can out, and in case one day I do turn into a typical "normal" person, I would like to become a teacher of some sort. How is that selfish? Because I'm avoiding everybody right now? Because my relatives can't understand or relate to what I'm doing?


Another point, people tell me to just work with what you know and what you have. Why? Maybe others enjoy working with Xbox's, going out on dates, etc etc, and going in a circle. Work, home, work home, work, home. Not to say I'm not going in the same pattern with my Xbox/books, I am, it's just that text to me is better than somebody could ever say.


So, before I come off as anything else to one of you, think about this. You don't know what's in my head, just like I didn't know what was inside of that girls.

 

[isabeau]

If you don't care who you hurt, then by all means be as blunt as you wish. I suppose the world could use more brutally honest people such as yourself, however there is a thing called tact. You can be tactfully honest without actually hurting someone's feelings, unless you don't care that you are hurting them. I don't think Kis meant the reading part was the self-centered issue. I also read much during the day. I think she meant the fact that you say what you will and be damned, is the self-centered part she meant. But i could be wrong..i often am..

 

[Leo tickles]

If you don't care who you hurt, then by all means be as blunt as you wish. I suppose the world could use more brutally honest people such as yourself, however there is a thing called tact. You can be tactfully honest without actually hurting someone's feelings, unless you don't care that you are hurting them. I don't think Kis meant the reading part was the self-centered issue. I also read much during the day. I think she meant the fact that you say what you will and be damned, is the self-centered part she meant. But i could be wrong..i often am..

If that is indeed what she meant, then how is that self centered? Sure, I hurt the feelings of the other person, but overall, isn't that screwing me over because they won't talk to me? :/.


As far as caring. I try to care about people, they all offer something different. One way or another though, I end up not caring unless given a good reason. For example, if I'm talking to somebody who gives me one word answers such as "maybe, sure, okay", I don't care. Why? Because while they may have issues I don't know about, they aren't exactly telling me this, and the one word answers piss me off, so I tell them to go fuck themselves.

 

[isabeau]

If that is indeed what she meant, then how is that self centered? Sure, I hurt the feelings of the other person, but overall, isn't that screwing me over because they won't talk to me? :/.


As far as caring. I try to care about people, they all offer something different. One way or another though, I end up not caring unless given a good reason. For example, if I'm talking to somebody who gives me one word answers such as "maybe, sure, okay", I don't care. Why? Because while they may have issues I don't know about, they aren't exactly telling me this, and the one word answers piss me off, so I tell them to go fuck themselves.

well as i said, i'm only guessing as to what she meant..and if they won't talk to you, i don't blame you i suppose for not caring if you hurt them..especially if they screw you over..

and i didn't say you don't care for other people. i understand about the one word answers..i've been guilty of giving those myself. but usually the other person doesn't go tell me to fuck myself..

 

[DannyMc]

Hi Leo, from what I gather your a bit of a loner. Through time there have been many a person like this . I could wonder though if they were really happy just being with themselves most of the time . I've often wondered if I took a space flight that say took two years and was by myself the whole time , honestly I just couldn't take being that much alone . For the way I deal with people I always try to be honest but I also dont want to hurt their feelings in the process . Peoples feelings are very important to me . Without people , life would seem void and empty . I try to help those that are having a hard time helping themselves either with money or food and a helpful bit of inspiration . Also if a girl went that much out of her way for me I would try to go that much out of my way for her. In life two roads can connect and were all on one of those roads .

 

[Deadsea7777]

From Pitigrilli, the Italian author, from a short story “The Fancy waistcoat”:

“Young man I must put you on guard against the clucking sincerity of those who said what they think, have not hairs in their tongues, will not use preambles or protocol even with the King and declaim “amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas”, that is, if they have something to said to somebody, they will do themselves instead of sending anybody else.
Sincerity is a fancy waistcoat with insolent and irreverent colours, that the so called “sincere” show off in the presence of those of whom they do no have anything to fear; but as soon as they could gain anything, they button up their coat over the proud waistcoat and return to be liars, hypocrites, opportunistic like any other person.”

Only you know if you fit into this description of “sincere” person. To kick that woman off certainly did not represented any risk to you, so you could afford to be, insolent and irreverent.
The question is would you be the same if she would have been your boss deciding the pay rise that would determine to which university your kids would go? Maybe yes, maybe not, simply we do not know.
However do not hesitate, life is long and rich in events, and you will have an opportunity to be irreverent and insolent with somebody that could crush you like an insect.
Then you will give yourself your personal answer to your question “Blunt, disrespect, where is the line?”.
Just for fun, either get the story or keep the fragment I give you. So when life gives you the opportunity you will know where you stand.

 

[MrPartickler]

You're definitely 18...

Consider this: It actually takes little to no effort to speak without thinking first. So it's not profound, and it's certainly not original. With all the many, many ways there are to communicate thoughts and ideas you managed to do perhaps the easiest thing imaginable. Kudos. Then someone (predictably) got hurt and you blame them?

Others have said it but I'll repeat: You can be honest and respectful too. Personally, I think you just ruined a perfectly good friendship...for nothing.

 

[Lionhart]

Where is the line?

It all pretty much boils down to the "Golden Rule" ; everyone knows what it is so I won't bother repeating it, but perhaps next time your confronted with a situation where a blunt response is an option, maybe you should do a gut check and run your respose though your own neurololgy and think how you would respond to your own response. If you find it a neccessary comment to your own standards than by all means give it a whirl, or maybe you'd decide that it's not really neccessary to say and decide to take a more positive, or alternate route. I can't tell you whether you're right or wrong because after all we can only be responsible for our own conscious choices. Hell there are to many people in the world as it is who claim to have all the right answers. I do think I would handle the issues differently, but thats just me. Different strokes for different folks. Hope you can relate..

 

[kis123]

First bolding- opinion.
Second- how do you know?


I'm sorry if I'm coming off as selfish and self centered, maybe that's what I am, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I don't "need" to do anything. I'm happier with my books then a typical girl could ever make me. This girl was nothing more than somebody wanting to come over and hang out, and she was taking a risk by coming here. It didn't pay off for her. I don't regret a thing. I look at it this way= It's not my fault people can't handle my truth. I didn't make her stay, I was just offering what I had, and those where my thoughts. She chose to smack me and leave, which is fine.


I wasn't really born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and I definitely don't have support, but that doesn't mean I sit outside and ask for change all day to survive. I put in time and effort to save money to survive, and I do.

Back to the self centered part.Why do I come off as self centered? Because I sit and read all day? Isn't the point of reading to gain knowledge? And isn't the point of knowing something to teach it? I'm not trying to figure life out all for myself, I'm trying to figure all that I can out, and in case one day I do turn into a typical "normal" person, I would like to become a teacher of some sort. How is that selfish? Because I'm avoiding everybody right now? Because my relatives can't understand or relate to what I'm doing?


Another point, people tell me to just work with what you know and what you have. Why? Maybe others enjoy working with Xbox's, going out on dates, etc etc, and going in a circle. Work, home, work home, work, home. Not to say I'm not going in the same pattern with my Xbox/books, I am, it's just that text to me is better than somebody could ever say.


So, before I come off as anything else to one of you, think about this. You don't know what's in my head, just like I didn't know what was inside of that girls.

Why would you even make a post wanting opinions, then slam those who you don't like? I told you how your attitude impressed me-you said you wanted the truth right? Or is it that you want someone to agree with you? If that's what you want, you will NOT get it from me because I don't agree with your attitude or approach.

I don't know anything about an Xbox, and I don't necessarily share your opinion about the homeless. Many of them are mentally ill and are doing the best they can with what they have. The "just get a job" approach doesn't work with people who cannot function in the "real world". Many of them don't even know that they are sick and that's why they can't function and are unable to cope. Them getting a job at the cafe where they sit and try to figure out their lives isn't going to help them in the long run.

At the age of 18, you seem to think you have all the answers. I'm here to tell you that you don't-not by a long shot! Give me a shout in 20 years and tell me if your "truth" is still the same. I guarantee you that it won't be-not at all!!

Your response to my post was definitely self-centered, self-absorbed and basically all about you. You said you wanted the truth right? Or is it only when you like what you're hearing? You seem to "unglue" when people don't agree with you-time to start dealing with the real world that really doesn't care what you or I think-especially when it doesn't fall into societal norms.

You put it out there and I responded. If you only wanted POV that made you feel good, you should have let me know in advance and I wouldn't have responded at all. If you want to know what's going on in the real world, refer to my initial post, otherwise stay where you are-you'll most likely be there by yourself.

 

[PainTrain]

At the age of 18, you seem to think you have all the answers. I'm here to tell you that you don't-not by a long shot! Give me a shout in 20 years and tell me if your "truth" is still the same. I guarantee you that it won't be-not at all!!

The truth shall set you free!! Well said, Kis.

 

[TheFactor]

I personally would love to sit around reading books and playing my X-Box all day, but I cant. I have to fall into that routine where I go to work and go home, because I can't afford anything else. I barley have the time to write. Uh... if you really want to know when you cross the line I'll tell you. It's when a girl slaps you for being rude, that's when you know. I think you not only wanted someone to agree with you, I think you wanted someone to identify with you. It's not always going to happen. I'm sorry your in such a miserable disposition where you find the written word more satisfying than a real life person, that's just so sad.

I pity you.

 

[PainTrain]

There is so much I could get into here, but I honestly don't feel like it.