Bone of Contention 1 - Self Descriptions

[Dave2112]

Greetings all! Over the many years I've been writing and reading fetish fiction of all kinds, there are several things I've seen that seem to creep up all the time. Be they tickling stories, bondage fiction, S&M fantasies...there are certain pitfalls many writers wind up falling into. So, I thought I'd talk about them as they hit my twisted 'lil brain.

Let's start with one that's bugged the dogsnot out of me for some time now. I've seen many otherwise good stories, or at least ones that started out good, fall victim to this little trap:

Having your main character describe herself in one forced paragraph. (Of course, it could be "him", or someone else in the story, but the bulk of instances where I've seen this happen have been in the physical description of a main female character, ie: "victim".)

Here's an example:

"Karen passed by the full-length mirror and stopped to look at herself. At 28, she was very happy with her figure, looking like she did when she was 18. She ran her fingers through the long golden hair that flowed over her smooth shoulders. She grazed her fingertips over the thin fabric of her tight dress which barely covered her 34D breasts. Her gaze dropped to her ribcage, then to her svelte waist and curvy hips. She turned to the side and liked the way her long legs looked in the sheer nylons, ending in a pair of size 6 feet encased in the new red pumps she'd bought."

OR

(Opening Paragraph)
"Cindy was a hot 20-year-old college student with firm breasts, a slim waist and long legs which everyone noticed as she climbed the stairs to her dorm."

There are variations on this, as well. When a male character first sees the heroine, his thoughts basically say the same thing as the above example. Additionally, and I've seen this in more stories than I can remember...

"Now that I've taken your shoes off, let's tickle those beautiful size 7 feet!"

Ok, first off....women do not generally stop by mirrors and take stock of all of their features out of the blue. Second...in 20+ years of play, I have never either said or heard mentioned someone's foot size during tickling. Third, this is an example of "hurried set-up", a foible of some writers who want to get the description out of the way and get to the "action".

You want your character described, of course. We write fetish, we want our readers to find the character attractive. What you DON'T have to do is write the description all at once and right off the bat.

Let the story do it. And break it up. This particular problem is a small symptom of a larger issue with many writers...not giving your reader credit to figure things out or to get into the story as it flows. There are many places in a well-crafted story where you can describe your character. Depending on the subject matter...bodies (and their parts) can be described in a subtle way as they are "exposed" or become an integral part of the action.

If you're doing a story that's more romantic in nature...flirt with your reader the way your characters are flirting. Let little bits about a character's appearance come through as the interaction between the two focuses on it.

Now...and here's where I'm gonna contradict myself...

There are, of course, certain instances where a full description IS called for. I'll cite a story of my own called "Friends Share Their Toys". The story begins with a man already having a bound submissive before him in a professional dungeon. The first paragraph takes a look at the male character and why he does what he does. It talks about how the first thing he enjoys is taking in the sight of his "victim". You can weave the description of the female character into the narrative without making it a "list". Listing is something you want to avoid. While you're describing the various facets of appearance, try writing about how each is perceived by the viewer, for example. Here's an excerpt from the story to explain what I'm talking about when describing your character in one shot, if you have to:

I enjoy this part. The overview. Taking in every feature, every bit of her form. Locking them away to memory, to be recalled on lazy days, lonely nights or during bouts of self-pleasure. It usually takes only a minute or so, but this time, I allow myself to linger, enjoying every small part of the greater sum. This time is different, and I can already feel my focus sharpening, becoming something I already know I will have to manage with a healthier dose of self-control than usual. And for good reason…

The girl is beautiful, almost stunningly so, her almond-shaped eyes centered in a face usually reserved for film or ad campaigns designed to make you purchase because the unattainable tells you to…softly rounded cheekbones accentuating her slightly upturned nose and a mouth turned just slightly down. Full lips…soft, pliable and seemingly made to work in tandem with those exotic eyes. In a remote corner of my mind I can see the lids drop over those eyes slowly as her lips part and purse to take a lover’s tongue or cock. Perfect tandem. I find myself mulling over her ethnicity…Asian, definitely, but not fully so. At least fourth or fifth generation American.

Her long hair is almost iridescent, a feat in itself considering the deep color…black, almost blue in places if the light absorbs properly and from the right angle. Not a hint of curl…silky and dangling, submitting to gravity’s every whim.

Her body is the kind that turns men into bumbling idiots and other women into vicious felines. Slightly-less-than-olive skin, unblemished in any way from her long, trim legs and slim button-toed feet to the sensuous expanse of her shoulders. And the trip between is a languid one, full of subtle curves and a tranquil mountain pass. Her hips the epitome of the feminine, curving inward at the waist to spread lightly at her tight ribcage, and rolling over delicate hipbones to flatten out into a smooth flat stomach. The navel centered there is deep, oval and inviting.

I find myself taking in the sight of her bare breasts and not caring that the act opens me as so utterly male in my attention. Small but full, the tightness of youth but the swell of a woman. Yes, she is beautiful….desirable….sexual…so very feminine…

So, that wraps up "Bone of Contention" #1. Nap time! 🙂

 

[Sir Bombers]

Wow...

Now now Dave, not everyone can have the same level of vocabulary that you exhibit in your stories. 😀

But I agree that the "listing" thing is a troubling among writers... it may not be only due to the author wanting to get to the action in a hurry, but might be due to a lack of ability to provide descriptive sentences or provide strong "set-up" scenarios, which allow readers to have visual representations from a certain character's point of view...

Unlike you Dave... 😉

 

[Sablesword]

I'm glad I'm not the only one this bothers.

WRT getting a character description by having the character look into a mirror, that's a common flaw in all sorts of stories (not just kinky p0rn). There's a tongue-in-cheek "rule" that an author gets to do this to describe a character just once - out of all the novels and other stories he writes. (And in my own first novel Agent of Cern I have the 1st person protagonist look in a mirror in the first chapter and not describe himself at all.)

Then there's what I call "description by dossier," what you called describing the character in one forced paragraph: "Linda was a 20 year old college coed, five foot-six inches tall, 115 pounds, with long blond hair, blue eyes, C-cup breasts, size 7 feet..." I keep threatening to write a story where a slave-hunter or some other similar agent reads the description of the main character from an in-story dossier. Or one where the tickle-slave, being sold from the auction block, is forced to recite her "vital statistics" for the benefit of the audience (or perhaps for a video recording that gets distributed before the actual auction).

Usually though, I try to work in a character's description just a little at a time, and I don't sweat it if I don't manage to work in a complete description. Sometimes the description gets dumped on heavily, to the point of being a dreaded forced paragraph, and sometimes the description is left very sparse. I've seen both methods work, in the hands of skillful pro authors.

 

[Dave2112]

Good points. 🙂

And Bombers...thanks for the kudos, I appreciate it. I just hope I wasn't giving the impression that you have to have a "certain level of talent" in order for this to work. You're right...not everyone has a way with analogy or useful descriptive. But I think anyone can learn a lot by avoiding listing or doing the "dossier" thing as SS explained.

And on the topic of describing your characters...here's something I've done before and I've seen many good writers take a chance on in their works. Not describing the character at all. Or briefly, just the major points...hair color and the like. I've loked back through my own works and realized that I have a buttload of stories where I let the reader fill in the blanks and psychologically "create the image" of the character according to their own desires. This can actually be a pretty powerful tool.

If I'm reading a really good piece of fetish fiction or erotica, and the character is only given a cursory physical description...I'm already building the image in my mind's eye of what she looks like. Most people do this. Think of all the novels you've read, of any genre. How many of the characters are decribed down to the shape of their teeth? Most people have a tendency to relate a character in a book with someone they know or have seen...someone they can relate to. So, regardless of how much out of your way you go to describe the character, most readers are going to insert their own image anyway.

And to be honest...if I'm reading a fetish or erotica scene, I honestly don't care what size feet she has or how big her breasts are. So, it becomes a balance you have to strike. As with all writing, you have to insert things where and IF they are needed to tell the story.