kurchatovium
Wielder of 100 Feathers
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2001
- Messages
- 130,042
- Points
- 48
Having had to goto my umpteenth business meeting today. I thought I should lay some ground rules by which all meetings should adhere too. Sadly my meetings do not follow these rules. Please feel free to add to the list.
1) Donuts. Let me say that again DONUTS. To have a meeting without donuts is cruel and unusal punishment and probably violates international law or something like that. So bring donuts, lots of them, and not those plain nobody wants to eat cause they taste like cardboard kind.
2) If possible don't say anything at a meeting but if you must speak keep it short. Do not drone on and on until everybody's bladder is about to explode. Anyone who talks longer than five minutes should be struck about the head with a large nerf bat.
3) If you are going to take credit for my work at least have the courtesy to do it at a meeting when I'm not there. Those that take credit for others work while they are there at the meeting should be struck about the head with a real bat.
4) If you are going to insult me at least have the courtesy to do it at a meeting when I'm not there. Those that insult others while they are there at the meeting should be struck about the head with an axe.
5) Meetings should only happen once a month or only every other total solar eclipse, or when somebody has brought in a bunch of donuts they wish to share. Having two or three meetings a week is just stupid. Do you think that much has changed in the past 24 hours that you need another meeting to discuss it? People who call many meetings a week should be struck about the head with a sixteen ton weight.
6) Slides, Transparicies or chalkboard talks should not be allowed. These serve only to lengthen one's talk and bore the hell out of everyone. Remember the ideal of a meeting is to communicate (and eat donuts)not to try to outnumber your audience in record time.
7) Nobody in upper management should ever attend a meeting. They don't understand anything anyway and just end up eating all the good donuts. People in upper mangement should stick to what they are good at namely sitting and drooling on themselves.
Well thats my list add to it if you wish.😀
1) Donuts. Let me say that again DONUTS. To have a meeting without donuts is cruel and unusal punishment and probably violates international law or something like that. So bring donuts, lots of them, and not those plain nobody wants to eat cause they taste like cardboard kind.
2) If possible don't say anything at a meeting but if you must speak keep it short. Do not drone on and on until everybody's bladder is about to explode. Anyone who talks longer than five minutes should be struck about the head with a large nerf bat.
3) If you are going to take credit for my work at least have the courtesy to do it at a meeting when I'm not there. Those that take credit for others work while they are there at the meeting should be struck about the head with a real bat.
4) If you are going to insult me at least have the courtesy to do it at a meeting when I'm not there. Those that insult others while they are there at the meeting should be struck about the head with an axe.
5) Meetings should only happen once a month or only every other total solar eclipse, or when somebody has brought in a bunch of donuts they wish to share. Having two or three meetings a week is just stupid. Do you think that much has changed in the past 24 hours that you need another meeting to discuss it? People who call many meetings a week should be struck about the head with a sixteen ton weight.
6) Slides, Transparicies or chalkboard talks should not be allowed. These serve only to lengthen one's talk and bore the hell out of everyone. Remember the ideal of a meeting is to communicate (and eat donuts)not to try to outnumber your audience in record time.
7) Nobody in upper management should ever attend a meeting. They don't understand anything anyway and just end up eating all the good donuts. People in upper mangement should stick to what they are good at namely sitting and drooling on themselves.
Well thats my list add to it if you wish.😀
Q
