Chuck Norris

[morgandee]

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

ROFL! 😀 Good one. I was wondering where you were going with this on IM.

 

[Goodieluver]

What is with the sudden rash of chuck norris jokes? On the whitesox forum i frequent, its gotten insane there...i got no problem with it, just curious why all a sudden its flarin up


Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

At the end of "Walker, Texas Ranger," credits do not roll. Instead, it is a list of people Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked to the face that week.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. Only another fist.

Chuck Norris does not read any books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Since the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from certain death.

 

[XxMystxX]

Chuck Norris once acted all kickass, then Bruce Lee came and made him his bitch; true story.

Detailed: Chuck Norris was teaching a karate class in upper N.J. and in response to a student's question, explained that Bruce Lee had fought him many times, but lost consecutively. One of these students contacted Bruce Lee and reported Chuck Norris' statements. Bruce called Chuck (and threating to come to Jersey himself), forced him, over the phone, to admit he was lying to his entire class.

 

[Goodieluver]

Chuck Norris once acted all kickass, then Bruce Lee came and made him his bitch; true story.

Detailed: Chuck Norris was teaching a karate class in upper N.J. and in response to a student's question, explained that Bruce Lee had fought him many times, but lost consecutively. One of these students contacted Bruce Lee and reported Chuck Norris' statements. Bruce called Chuck (and threating to come to Jersey himself), forced him, over the phone, to admit he was lying to his entire class.

They did act together in "Return of the dragon" where bruce lee fought a very very hairy chested chuck norris in the remains of the roman colloseum. Pretty good fight, esp when it starts goin slow motion and how they build the whole movie on how lee cant be touched yet norris is whoopin him first half of the fight. Plus a non mustache\beard norris is scary

Dunno which fight is more entertaining to watch, Bruce vs chuck in an overall good bout or watchin kareem abdul jabbar throw kicks at bruce and bruce actually kicking kareem in the face.

 

[coloman]

I never saw all these Chuck Norris jokes before but the way he acts on Walker, Texas Ranger is ample enough reason for it. If you have seen one episode of that show you have seen them all. To start off he and his black partner are all calm and collected while they are questioning witnesses for information. Then the old retired Texas Ranger throws in his two cents worth and gets both of them all fired up. Finally they burn rubber to get to where the bad guys are, barge right in and then both of them work as a team and kick box the crap out of everybody. Every punch or kick they throw that lands is accentuated because the volume of the sound is always real high.
That show is such a crock of bullshit that it's laughable and I know if any actual Texas Ranger did that he would be looking for a new job pretty quickly.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

What is with the sudden rash of chuck norris jokes? On the whitesox forum i frequent, its gotten insane there...i got no problem with it, just curious why all a sudden its flarin up


Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

At the end of "Walker, Texas Ranger," credits do not roll. Instead, it is a list of people Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked to the face that week.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. Only another fist.

Chuck Norris does not read any books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Since the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from certain death.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

 

[Neutron]

Sigh..

Chuck Norris once acted all kickass, then Bruce Lee came and made him his bitch; true story.

Detailed: Chuck Norris was teaching a karate class in upper N.J. and in response to a student's question, explained that Bruce Lee had fought him many times, but lost consecutively. One of these students contacted Bruce Lee and reported Chuck Norris' statements. Bruce called Chuck (and threating to come to Jersey himself), forced him, over the phone, to admit he was lying to his entire class.

Not true. The alleged conversation occured two years AFTER Bruce Lee's death.

It never happened.

 

[nessonite1]

ROFL!! I love those xp

But consider...

Sakaki once beat the hell out of Vin Diesel, Andre the Giant, AND Chuck Norris.

I heard that Sakaki went back in time and single handedly won the Vietnam war with nothing more than an M-60 and a red headband.

I also heard that Sakaki then went into the Future to save mankind from the machines and then the clones.

Sakaki once gave a spinning piledriver to Yokozuna.

Sakaki actually killed a bear, ate its meat, and then resurrected it again only to kill and eat it again.

Sakaki once spoon fed Ric Flair a good ol' country ass whoopin'

Zaphod Beeblebrox actually started out with THREE heads and FIVE arms. Then he tried to grab Sakaki's ass.

Sakaki once got pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.

She thinks the Iron Man is gay

She'll eat a homeless person if you dare her.

You know it was the sight of Sakaki's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane

Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Sakaki, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Sakaki throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Sakaki decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE. So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human

To Sakaki! A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!

Sakaki's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong

She showers in grain alcohol

Sakaki named the group Sha-Na-Na! They did not want to be called that

Did I ever tell about the time Sakaki was in a production of The King and I? On opening night, Sakaki chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews

<img src="http://img481.imageshack.us/img481/6317/11357463207683cv.jpg">

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

the hollywood brother think this whole thread is rumor central. after all chuck is probably too busy selling exercise machines with his wife and then after the camera stops, he should tie her to them and tickle her for hours with no mercy

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Sakaki once got pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.

That wins. XD

 

[coloman]

I have to agree with the Hollywood Brother that Chuck would have a lot of fun tickling the daylights out of his wife after he strapped her to one of the exercise machines they are always hawking on TV. She would really have tight abs if he tickled both her feet at the same time for about twenty minutes two or three times a day.

 

[AphxA1]

Oh my lord, everytime im in the main city in wow, all you hear is chuck norris vs. vin diesel jokes.

 

[Goodieluver]

I never saw all these Chuck Norris jokes before but the way he acts on Walker, Texas Ranger is ample enough reason for it. If you have seen one episode of that show you have seen them all. To start off he and his black partner are all calm and collected while they are questioning witnesses for information. Then the old retired Texas Ranger throws in his two cents worth and gets both of them all fired up. Finally they burn rubber to get to where the bad guys are, barge right in and then both of them work as a team and kick box the crap out of everybody. Every punch or kick they throw that lands is accentuated because the volume of the sound is always real high.
That show is such a crock of bullshit that it's laughable and I know if any actual Texas Ranger did that he would be looking for a new job pretty quickly.

Here's conan o'brian makin fun of walker with his walker texas ranger lever
http://gorillamask.net/conanwalker.shtml

 

[Goodieluver]

ROFL!! I love those xp


She thinks the Iron Man is gay

TONY STARK IS NOT GAY! :no:

But then again if yer referin to some other iron man, then i recind my statement

 

[BigNorm]

who is sakaki?

 

[Cbarton]

who is sakaki?

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering that.....

 

[Goodieluver]

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering that.....

Heh im presuming some anime char, hence why my iron man\tony stark defense may be invalid cuz there may be sum other iron man

 

[BigNorm]

i really liked the chuck norris, vin diesel, and mr. t top 30 facts, they're all hilarious.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Heh im presuming some anime char, hence why my iron man\tony stark defense may be invalid cuz there may be sum other iron man

Indeed.

 

[michal1]

Chuck Norris jokes have just reached Poland. Why?

 

[MistressValerie1]

Chuck Norris is a joke IMO 😀 I kind of like Mr T, though, because he's funny and has some character (his appearance on Conan O'Brien's "Secrets" comes to mind).