Converted?
Thank you so much for asking this question. Because this is not my natural kink, I have been wondering/worrying if I belong on the Forum at all. I joined the Forum following my first NEST two NESTs ago. I have finally come out of lurker mode following a recent "awakening" of sorts. I have actually been on the fringe of this community for about 9 years. I was brought into it by my best friend Bella who's been throwing tickling parties out of her home for many years now.
Bella and I met in the bdsm community and at that time, I was fairly new to the lifestyle and was experimenting with various forms of play. I knew that I loved being bound and that I did not like anything done to me that was too intense or painful. I found that I was geared toward sensations. Light sensations, like having soft furs and silks run across my body, to more intense sensations like the Violet Wand, and even mild floggings with soft hides and such. Early on, I discovered the Wartenburg Pinwheel. Ironically, it was my friend Bella that first used the wheel on me at a party. I would never have admitted it at the time, but the wheel tickled like hell, and I absolutely ADORED IT! To this day it is one of my favorite sensations, particularly when used on extra sensitive and shaved areas of my body. The thing is, it doesn't matter at all what's being done to me, the result is the same, when I get into headspace, I laugh. Regardless of how intense the sensation, if I stay in headspace, I laugh like a loon.
Now, my experiences up until now have been rather rocky. I had a phychological block to tickling. Tickling had been used against me in my childhood as a doorway to sexual abuse. I didn't trust anyone who tickled me for years and generally would not allow it. As an adult, I simply tolerated tickling from friends and lovers, but I otherwise resisted it. I could never say that I genuinely enjoyed it.
Bella brought me into her parties and I can say that as long as I was bound and put into headspace that I enjoyed the play that I experienced there, but the tickling was more or less incidental. Bella and I also shared a play partner in those early days. His style of ticking was extremely rough and agressive. He would dig his fingers very violently into my ribs and I'd be severely blackened by bruising for weeks after a visit with him. I'm afraid that I believed that that's what you all did which chilled me to tickling even further.
My attitude toward tickling began to change only recently, centering around a former boyfriend of mine. At the time, I considered our relationship to be 100% vanilla, though he knew of my lifestyle and was open toward it. He and I had a very carefree and easygoing relationship. We both shared a deep love of movies and would hole up out of the cold for hours with take out and a stack of movies. We would cuddle for hours and sooner or later I would be attacked and tickled. Eventually I would learn that I could turn the tables and attack him. Now, he was 6'3" and weighed 230 lbs and it amused me to no end to turn this hulk of a man into a giggling lump of jello. Soon, tickling had become a major factor in our relationship, occuring every time that we got together, and I genuinly enjoyed it! With him, I began to associate tickling with being protected and cared for and since it often led to sex there was that added association as well.
More recently, at Bella's latest play party, I had another tickling epiphany. I had the pleasure of playing with yet another giant hulk of a man who held me down and tickled me, only sensually this time, which I found genuinely arousing. I realized that tickling could be, for me, another form of sensation play. I find myself totally excited by this prospect and am extremely eager to jump in there and experiment with it. I have began to look back at items that I'd had used on me in the past that actually tickled me, such as the wartenburg wheel and the Hitachi (the intense vibrations tickle the hell out of me). Of course I am a single in Columbus, Ohio with no one to play with, but I am optimistic. Consider me converted.
