Dear Abby Stumpers

[njjen3953]

The following are actual letters that Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)
admitted she was at a total loss to answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-
aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid
twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen
a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be
Lebanese?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my
VCR?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure
this baby I'm carrying is even his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill
for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised
in a good Christian home turn against his own?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get
out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two- and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?
I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. Do you think she is going
through her mental pause?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he IS a doctor. What now?

 

[amk714]

If I were Dear Abby...

They could be, but nothing's wrong with being Lebanese!
Sell your VCR?
If you're not sure, I think he's not the only one who's cheating!
You wouldn't need the pill if you weren't so liberated.
Judo is a martial art that can be used against people of all faiths.
Jump overboard!
That's why he needs a psychiatrist.
Did he get you pregnant or prevent you from becoming pregnant?
Yes, that's what happens when your brain stops working and your hormones kick in!
Tell him to prescribe Viagra to himself!

 

[TickledToDeath]

Actually I take my advise from Abbey Normal! 😀 😛

TTD

 

[amk714]

Okay...

I don't get it 😕 Unless you're saying Abby's abnormal, which I totally agree with 🙂

 

[Alex Warfield]

Jen, you've Definitely posted this before. Still funny though

 

[He-Man]

Re: If I were Dear Abby...

They could be, but nothing's wrong with being Lebanese!
Sell your VCR?
If you're not sure, I think he's not the only one who's cheating!
You wouldn't need the pill if you weren't so liberated.
Judo is a martial art that can be used against people of all faiths.
Jump overboard!
That's why he needs a psychiatrist.
Did he get you pregnant or prevent you from becoming pregnant?
Yes, that's what happens when your brain stops working and your hormones kick in!
Tell him to prescribe Viagra to himself!

lmao some of those answers sound like what the lady from the adivce colum "Tell me about it" ( i think her name is Carolyn...um..something...lol )would use. I think that column is a little more entertaining than Dear Abby...just fun to see someone tell them how it really is and how stupid they're bein. lol Must be why I like the "Daily Show" on Comedy Central, too. lol

 

[He-Man]

Re: If I were Dear Abby...

Judo is a martial art that can be used against people of all faiths.

Yep, it sure is...one of the passengers who fought back on the plane that crashed in PA was a Judoka ( person who practices Judo. Akidoka practice Akido, Karateka practice...well, you get the idea. lol ) himself.

I think I would've answered " To protect himself from ignorant people like you. " People who think martial artists are violent psychos need to have their butt's kicked. lol 😀 j/k

 

[amk714]

A couple of replies here...

Alex, Jen might've posted this already, but some of us are relatively new to the TMF (like me, but look at when I registered, not the number of posts I have!)

He-Man, I've never heard of such a column, but it sounds cool and I think people who write to Dear Abby don't use common sense when they try to solve their problems. Jon Stewart's funny, but I don't watch that show. Finally, on the subject of martial arts, do you know if the stuff in the Karate Kid movies is real or BS? I think the latter, though I could be wrong, since I don't know much about this. Also, is someone who practices Kung Fu a Kung Fuka?

 

[njjen3953]

Jen, you've Definitely posted this before. Still funny though

Where???? I don't remember having ever seen it before.

You could be right though. If it is not about children and their development, these days......

My brain is mush. LOL

Jen

 

[Alex Warfield]

Heh heh, it's cool. I actually feel like a bit of an ass for having said anything now.

 

[BigJim]

I've definatley seen this before Jen, but I laughed twice as much this time round so it's cool. 😀

 

[toyou444]

Actually I take my advise from Abbey Normal! 😀 😛

TTD

Wasn't that hump on the other side?

What hump?

~ toyou

 

[TickledToDeath]

Re: Okay...

I don't get it 😕 Unless you're saying Abby's abnormal, which I totally agree with 🙂

The Abby I was refering to was from the Mel Brooks movie, "Young Frankenstein".
IF you have seen the movie and remember Marty Feldman(I-Gor)coming back from retrieving what was supposed to be the "greatest mind of all time" and came back instead with an abnormal brain.
He told (Gene Wilder)Dr. Frankenstein or as HE pronounced it...
"Fronk-en-steeeen") that it was the brain of "Abby Something, "Abby NORmal"

TTD

 

[TickledToDeath]

Wasn't that hump on the other side?

What hump?

~ toyou

Gene Wilder: I-Gor, give me a hand with the bags"

Marty Feldman🙁said in a Groucho Marx voice) "Certainly, you take the blonde, I'll take the one in the Turban"


TTD😀

 

[He-Man]

Re: A couple of replies here...

He-Man, I've never heard of such a column, but it sounds cool and I think people who write to Dear Abby don't use common sense when they try to solve their problems. Jon Stewart's funny, but I don't watch that show. Finally, on the subject of martial arts, do you know if the stuff in the Karate Kid movies is real or BS? I think the latter, though I could be wrong, since I don't know much about this. Also, is someone who practices Kung Fu a Kung Fuka?

LOL No, a Kung Fu student isn't called a Kung Fuka. Actually I think the "ka" is only added on to just a few Okinawan ( which karate originally is...it came from that small island..not Japan. ) and Japanese martial arts. You won't hear someone call a Jujutsu guy a Jujutsuka. lol

I think there's only Kendoka ( Kendo is a form of combat where you use bamboo swords. "ken" means "blade" so Kendo is "way of the blade". cool, huh? lol ) Aikidoka, Judoka , and Karateka.

And yes, the techniques in the Karate Kid movies --while not being called by their real names-- are real. And some are a bit flashier than in real life. For example, the "crane kick" used in the first movie is actually a combo of one type crane stance and a jumping front kick. However, none of us put our arms out at the sides when performing this technique. Too risky...if your opponent gets on the inside of the technique, then you better be able to bring your arms in fast or you're gonna get whacked in the face. lol

Hell, I would've gone in like I was gonna attack little Daniel-san and then ducked down to sweep his other foot out from under him when it came down. lol

However, even though Ralph Macchio used the techniques in the movies, he actually wasn't ( and probably still isn't. lol) a karate kid in real life.

 

[amk714]

More replies...

You're not an ass, Alex, you're a human being! An ass being an animal, of course.

TTD, I've never seen that movie. I'm not into the horror genre much, even if it is a comedy.

Thanks for answering my question, He-Man. Now I have more respect for the Karate Kid movies, although it still bothers me whenever Pat Morita talks in that ah-so manner, since he speaks perfect English in real life.

Well, for once, I'm serious! 🙂

 

[BigJim]

Re: More replies...

although it still bothers me whenever Pat Morita talks in that ah-so manner, since he speaks perfect English in real life.

With a broad American accent, no less!

 

[amk714]

If Mr. Miyagi were English...

"Daniel, old boy, would you mind terribly waxing on, then off? I do believe your technique is wanting!"