Deathbed returns! +Leo goes to... therapy?

[Leo tickles]

Well, after about a 3 month war with my room due to bed bugs, I'm finally getting a king size mattress thrown in here again. No gothic headboard for a while, but that's okay, the king is going back on his throne. 🙂

Buuuuuut I'm also going to therapy! My lady companion has pointed out that there is something very wrong with me. Perhaps it's the mood swings or the constant hatred of every living and non living thing. I haven't gone yet, so that's normal to me. BUT I realize that I could actually almost like things if I take this treatment thing seriously and work with him.

I'm confused. :/ I've lived this way for as long as I remember, and I believe it's natural for me to be confused given that I'm about to change my entire life around. Am I doing the right thing? And according to who? What I'm doing isn't the wrong thing to begin with, so why am I changing it? To keep people in my life? Sure. The same people that I despise? *head explodes*

My first appointment is on Tuesday at 3 PM. So... fuck me and I hope it goes well.

Okay bye. 🙂

 

[Bothersome]

Two words: Water bed.

Anyways, good luck. My therapists are my good friends. I make it even more genuine by having them say, "And how does that make you feel?" occasionally. Trust me, it's a lot cheaper.

 

[Jagermeistered]

What's wrong with you? You have long hair...

You only post threads about yourself... So, I don't understand? 🙁

What's wrong?

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, I wish you Good Luck in therapy, my friend.

Therapy can work if a person wants it to. I want to make clear that I am NOT taking over your thread with a rant about myself, but.. it didnt work for my father, because he didnt listen to what ANY therapist told him, ever.

For myself, I was in regular therapy from childhood until I was 25, primarially because of self confidence issues, and being afraid of my father until I was 18. My therapist used to scream at me every week, and in family counesling, to stop being afraid, but, it took me a long time to listen. I would have been much further along had I done so earlier.

My one piece of advice: Throw everything on the table that you feel you need to iron out. Be open to change, and try to listen to what the therapist has to say. Therapists aren't God, of course, but they can help.

I hope you can make progress. I think you are basically a good guy, and I wish you all the best.

Mitch

 

[chicago]

Lawlz

 

[GQguy]

What's wrong with you? You have long hair...

You only post threads about yourself... So, I don't understand? 🙁

What's wrong?

I'm not really sure what his point is....but I agree.

 

[Leo tickles]

Thank you for the support and advice, Mitch. Hopefully he can bring some useful things to the table.

For everybody else , the only thing wrong with me, is that I hate you.

No. Just kidding. Well, not really kidding. But uh right, the whole me posting threads just about myself would be something wrong with me. I'm narcissistic. That is bad because I should be kissing asses and making the world a better place rather than living my life the way I want to.

🙂

 

[Bothersome]

Narcissists don't go to therapy. They generally believe that they are perfect in every way.

Therapy is generally for people with the opposite problem.

 

[Leo tickles]

Narcissists don't go to therapy. They generally believe that they are perfect in every way.

Therapy is generally for people with the opposite problem.

Logical enough. But, I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and narccacism aside I know there are inexcusable things I have done and to an extent do to this day that are illogical and unwarranted. I played God for so long I forgot how to enjoy the things that "I created". So now I have to understand where I am in life when I go to bed at night, not just what I am around other people or in a comfortable house with a warm bed. I have to appreciate this house, and other shit, and understand that I'm not entitled to it. Typing that alone is a problem, fuck believing it. I understand that's probably a shitty way to think, considering some 10 year old is starving to death in a sewer right now. But see, I don't give a fuck about that 10 year old, which is probably another bad thing.

I can only feel pity for myself, then anger at a situation followed by a plan to destroy whatever is causing the problem. That's not good. I'm tired, drained, and otherwise unhappy. Or, happy in misery or whatever. So, I need to fix that. Obviously, with my current way of doing things, the only obvious solution is to kill myself. See, I'm the problem here. And the only way to destroy whatever is causing it, is to destroy myself. BUT, and here's the major BUT, I know there is a good future for me. Hell, there is a great present. Work, school, my girlfriend, my Xbox, my house, my dreams, my hopes, it's all right here. And now, I want more.

But I'm going to get it the way I can feel proud of. Not that I'm not proud of how I got all of this, but there are better ways to live than disregarding everything but yourself. And I want to learn those ways. For myself, and anybody that I come in contact with.

EDIT!: I'm NOT going to kill myself. I was just trying to display an example of why I feel I need therapy. I'm perfectly unhappy being unhappy until I can get the help that I want for myself. 🙂 Hey, gotta have sarcasm here somewhere. 😀

 

[Mitchell]

YW, Leo. I'm glad my advice was helpful.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Not so. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder love to talk about themselves, and a good therapist will be able to stand listening to them. 😛
Here's a good starting point for learning about Personality Disorders:
http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

I really hope my therapist is good, then. 🙂

 

[chicago]

You and noncontickler should go bowling

 

[GQguy]

Thank you for the support and advice, Mitch. Hopefully he can bring some useful things to the table.

For everybody else , the only thing wrong with me, is that I hate you.

No. Just kidding. Well, not really kidding. But uh right, the whole me posting threads just about myself would be something wrong with me. I'm narcissistic. That is bad because I should be kissing asses and making the world a better place rather than living my life the way I want to.

🙂

Not knocking you.
I wish I could post threads about my life. But the reality is if I did I'd get FAR more shit than even you do. But I guess having people listen to you can be therapy in and of itself. I can see self esteem improving as a result. Good luck and congrats on the school, work, girl thing! And don't kiss asses.

GQ

 

[Leo tickles]

@Annie We seem more like the golfing type, no?

Thanks GQ. I always look at the feedback to threads about myself to gather what an average reaction is. Obviously in a place like this with my history here things can either go up or down. But whatever way they go, it's feedback that I take and consider and attempt to mold into something other than rage and anger, which I've done a good job of thus far.

 

[GQguy]

@Annie We seem more like the golfing type, no?

Thanks GQ. I always look at the feedback to threads about myself to gather what an average reaction is. Obviously in a place like this with my history here things can either go up or down. But whatever way they go, it's feedback that I take and consider and attempt to mold into something other than rage and anger, which I've done a good job of thus far.

Very evolved approach! One of the hardest things a person can do is to understand how people perceive them. If people had a complete grasp of this no one would be the "weird guy" "stupid girl" or what have you. For some though this intuition comes naturally. For others like you and I it is a learned skill through plenty of trial and error and deep analyzing of the results. Rage and anger is the default response of someone that doesn't know what to do with the feedback they received. Careful thought is the response of an individual passionate about being a better man.

GQ

 

[Leo tickles]

Very evolved approach! One of the hardest things a person can do is to understand how people perceive them. If people had a complete grasp of this no one would be the "weird guy" "stupid girl" or what have you. For some though this intuition comes naturally. For others like you and I it is a learned skill through plenty of trial and error and deep analyzing of the results. Rage and anger is the default response of someone that doesn't know what to do with the feedback they received. Careful though is the response of an individual passionate about being a better man.

GQ

Agreed. 🙂 Over the years it's gotten harder and harder for me to have a conversation with somebody. In the past 5 months that I've been working, I can barley figure out a bullshit answer to a question about something other than work without making fun of somebody or something. While it's pretty funny, it defeats the point of trying to have a conversation.

I said it best the other day. I feel like a functioning psychopath. Like Ted Bundy or some such. Go to work, act normal, come home, kill people, go back to work the next day like nothing happened. My version of killing people is closing down and just stewing about problems that either don't exist or that don't need to be stewed about. I don't like that anymore. My safe haven life style away from humanity has shown me that I need to be a little bit closer to them.

I mean, I drive pizza around all day, but to do that I need to have enough trust that a person on the road won't rear end me or randomly crash into me. And even after that car accident a little while ago, I do. So my whole no faith in humanity shpeel needs to go fuck itself, or I need to act on it. That means avoid driving, which means avoid working. No ordering food. No going out to GET food because that involves other people. See how my current way of doing things is self destructive?

But it's a bitch and a half to motivate a change which a part of me still doesn't believe needs to happen, which is why my therapist will (hopefully) be able to make enough sense to me with concrete pointers and steps that I need to take besides deep breaths.

So far, I've gathered that I need to change my thinking process, which I think I'm doing a good job of. But then again I'm a narcissist, so in reality I may be fucking it up.

 

[Bothersome]

*shrug* Everyone has their own ways of dealing with shit.

 

[Myriads]

You've decided that you don't like how you feel. That sole choice is more then enough to justify the work and changes you will make.

Trying a different path, when the one you are on is not happy is a healthy and good move.

Myriads

 

[Oddjob0226]

I hope it goes well. I've watched people for years here complain about your posts; personally, though, I loved them all. I'll miss crazy Leo, but I hope it goes well.

 

[locker669]

Good luck Leo.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Okay, Leo...here's my offering.

There's being narcissistic on the one extreme, there's living your life to please other people on the opposite extreme, and there's loads of middle ground between the two. Based on everything I've ever seen you post, my impression is that you need work in developing the kind of friendships in which both of you show empathy and respect and consideration to each other. The point is mutuality. Look, my first memory of you on this board was when you were self-righteously describing how you instantly dumped a woman you had started to date, because she showed some emotion and needed you to empathize. In a healthy relationship, you both have to be willing and able to do that for each other. Neither of you should demand that the other be a one-way caretaker or a one-way listener. It needs to be mutual. Developing healthy relationships based on mutual respect and empathy is the big thing you need to work on. And to get there, you need to work on self-respect: the healthy kind, not to be confused with narcissism.

Now, about therapy. I've had several therapists in my time. There are good therapists and there are bad ones. And of course they come in various schools of thought--psychodynamic, cognitive-behaviorist, et cetera ad nauseum. But getting past all those classifications, you need a therapist who listens, who empathizes, who respects you. You need to feel respected in the therapy relationship. The therapist should be a good role model for you in other relationships, because again, in those other relationships, be they friendships, romances, whatever, you have to be both giving and receiving respect and empathy.

 

[unclebill]

I`ve always seen good in you, Leo. You lack direction, which is common with young people. A little therapy, and a haircut afterwords will do you wonders.

 

[Bothersome]

I`ve always seen good in you, Leo. You lack direction, which is common with young people. A little therapy, and a haircut afterwords will do you wonders.

LOL.

You sound like my grandfather.