Did you meet anyone from the community yet?

[BigJim]

As we all know there's been no team gathering here in the UK yet, but have any of you lot had any private sucess? Have you gotten to meet anyone else from the UKTF yet? Was it just for a chat and a drink or did you have some tickle play too?

Leave names out if you want to preserve the privacy of others, but it'd be nice to hear that some of us have been seeing a bit of each other in the flesh.

 

[dvnc]

Aw, I'm hurt...

Okay, so it WAS a long damned time ago. Was ONE event there. Even with a great deal of effort, I couldn't get a dozen people to show. Two women, five or six other men, and me.

One of the men was from Germany, even.

One of the women later moved stateside. You don't miss her. Faith.

Point is, it's not EASY to get English folk to come out. The BDSM community has been goin' there a long time. This community hasn't. We ain't fashionable, yet. Wait...

If you're not gonna wait, there's ways to have such an event. The first, and most important way, is having a munch. Having a LOT of them. Get a couple of mates into this to collaborate, and you're WAY farther than most.

Jim, ya got the drive, brother. Jonathan can help ya organize a scene. Beautifully, he can. Ya just gotta get both genders into one play place. There ARE places in England that house such activity. Where d'you find 'em? Through folks into BDSM. We're the "silly folk" of that community, though none of 'em will get into stocks under our fingers unless they've not a ticklish bone to 'em. Their "dungeons" will hire out the space, though, for a price. Get enough folks to kick down, and you're laughin'.

Much can be done, but first, you gotta meet, play in less ideal places, like flats in the afternoon on a Saturday, and get to know one another. Form a core group. People join groups, follow groups, believe things exist because they can see a group. Gotta have the group start first.

There was a group of you, once, that believed. Hard taking that next step, but it's overdue, kiddies. Meet. Meet several times. Get into the same physical space at the same time, prove you can behave by common social rules, that you know the rules of play, that you can play together...

... and be surprised by the friends ya find.

Seriously. The folks I miss most from California are gatherings folk. Vanilla friends faded already, 'fore I left, and family's always about on holidays. Places are places. Gatherings, though, are something that stick wit' ya, if ya keep at 'em enough. Good times and good people.

An old guy ramblin...

dvnc

 

[BigJim]

Eeeek! I forgot that one Dave. Before my time though, so I do forgive myself. 😛

I believe what you say about the core group. It sounds true.

I've personally got a hell of a lot of equipment and "implements", so only space is necessary. I guess a hotel suite would be cheaper than a dungeoun room?


Munches: Here's the nub; people won't go to them. In America it seems people don't even think twice about driving 300 miles to see relatives or friends, but here in the UK going 50 miles to meet some community members is too much hassle. 🙁 If play was DEFINATELY on the agenda, then a veritable downpour of guys would turn out, but not unless.

And as for getting both sexes into one place...

The paucity of female interest in gatherings is stark. There has been some sucess had by people meeting one on one so I hear, but I don't think anyone's managed anything more yet.

And here is a very important difference we have from the US scene; we don't have the life experience. At 26 I'm probably one of the oldest out there in the UK gang. So what we effectively are are a bunch of young 20's and some older teens, running round with the disorganisation and nonchalance typical of our age. In America there's a substantial proportion of the gathering community who are 40+, and they are inherently better organised and more driven; less given to flights of fancy and more likely to do something concrete. Probably also makes the ladies less confident and more reticent too. This is I feel, the biggest problem we have.

Dave have you seen Jon around lately? I havn't seen or heard from him for what must be over a year now.

 

[dvnc]

Yeah, it's definitely ages ago, in internet time. 😉 Hadda jab ya one, though. Would've been too slack to ignore!

I get a ping from Jon every now and again. Got one fairly recently, so the lad's kickin' still. Just hands-full I guess.

One of the ladies I know, out there, is my age, and I'm older than you. Another couple of them are between us. There's more, but women are more sensible than men. They're the ones for whom munches are oft most suited. Women tend to be brighter about wanting a known safe location. Someplace brightly-lit, but clandestine enough that their friends won't find them.

You may wish to find out which of your crew would attend a munch in their area, and satellite them. Travel to their locale and meet 'em somewhere viable.

Bein' a host is a lot more effort than most folks believe. You'd be amazed how much time, energy and money was expended in making my events go so well for so long. Mostly it's time and effort, thankfully, unless you have hotel events. They're more expensive. Hotels there don't seem to think twice about 'em though.

Personally, sir, it's a matter of time. You've more than enough out there, as an event needn't be much more than a 'lee enjoying the company of a few 'lers. The more of each, the better the event. Just gotta start 'em. Once they start, they take a life of their own. Requires only your presence to keep 'em going!

Try pingin' the various folks about meetin' for tea or a pint somewhere. Curry in a neutral location. Get a few that don't know one another to meet. Grow a core group. Rule England. Invite my wife and I out for a visit and regale us wit' stories of fine events.

You get the idea. 😉

dvnc

 

[BigJim]

Hail Mary, full of grace...

 

[footman25]

Hey Jim

Hey Jim - I am older than you! - hope that makes you feel better ya sod lol.

Sorry aint been in touch much - too much going on in my life! I've seen the UKTF lately too - god no wonder u r demoralised mate!Anyway we will get there!.
With regard to meeting peeps - I am just about to meet someone from USA I hope! - will let u know how it goes!

I am also well up for co-organising gatherings in the UK but only if it is equal with men and women (yeah i know easier said than done)lol

Best Regards,

Footman.

 

[BigJim]

Re: Hey Jim

Hey Jim - I am older than you! - hope that makes you feel better ya sod lol.

Marginally. 😉

Sorry aint been in touch much - too much going on in my life! I've seen the UKTF lately too - god no wonder u r demoralised mate!Anyway we will get there!.

I'm sure we will, I feel a bit better about things now after having a chat with DVNC. I've just seriously wondered in the past if it'd be better to ask Myriads to port the leading dozen or so threads over to the TMF and tell the server company to shut the UKTF account down.

With regard to meeting peeps - I am just about to meet someone from USA I hope! - will let u know how it goes!

May the Force be with you. 😉

I am also well up for co-organising gatherings in the UK but only if it is equal with men and women (yeah i know easier said than done)lol

In an ideal tickling world that would be the case, but even in America it rarely, if ever, happens that way. It's quite usual for men to outnumber ladies at gatherings by anywhere from 3-1 to 6-1.

Now given that, there's two very important thing a gathering host has to bear in mind.

One is to remember that the goils like to top as well. Now I've noticed that a large number of the UKTF blokes like to be lee as well as ler, so that's good. It means there'll be no unfair ganging up with people not able to play the way they want to.

The second is that ladies may find this a very intimidating atmosphere to walk into, like they're being ganged up on. Bearing in mind that gatherings are supposed to be great fun for everyone, this is the last thing we want to happen, and means we need strong-willed event staff. I imagine I'll be DM'ing the first few events we hold, possibly with help from Jonmath who's done NEST before so he knows what he's doing. A DM (Dungeon Master) is like the doorman I suppose. They're responsible for making sure everyone gets a copy of the rules and that they adhere to them during the event. Ideally there'll be one guy and one gal DM. They're also responsible for making sure everyone's welfare is looked after during the play and that there's no safety problems. As it happens, I'm a qualified first-aider, so that'll come in handy. You hope it never has to, but it's there if it does. Safety also includes having to make sure no-one'll get injured during tickleplay. Any forms of bondage involved have to be completely safe and if the lee thrashes, it's important they can't hurt themselves (as happened at one gathering where a lee nearly knocked herself unconscious on a headboard and ended up with concussion). Sometimes things will happen and you can't prevent them, but it's important we do all we can to stop everything we can help.