njjen3953
4th Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2001
- Messages
- 2,858
- Points
- 0
Nude Dummy
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Ask a Dumb Question
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No
ma'am, they're dead."
Speeding Dummy
The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Ask another Dumb Question
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
car and walks round to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Drunk Dummy
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the
curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got
to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino
asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm
sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino
said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Big Dummy
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a bar-room
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet
tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he
could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll
bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you
could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of
handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of
them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you
sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he
replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're
under arrest."
Late Dummy
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked
and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped
by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the
officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to
give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Ask a Dumb Question
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No
ma'am, they're dead."
Speeding Dummy
The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Ask another Dumb Question
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
car and walks round to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Drunk Dummy
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the
curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got
to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino
asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm
sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino
said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Big Dummy
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a bar-room
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet
tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he
could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll
bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you
could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of
handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of
them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you
sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he
replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're
under arrest."
Late Dummy
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked
and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped
by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the
officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to
give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
