Dunno who's into sports around here...sports OTHER than tickling, I mean...

[makemlaugh2003]

...but I find it necessary to enlighten armchair quarterbackers and would-be gamblers alike with what I know for a fact will be how the rest of this season's NFL playoffs unfold. Granted, I don't have a crystal ball or nothin', but I DO have an old tattered throw pillow kinda shaped almost like an oval, and I peered into THAT to predict the throwdowns amongs the NFL's Final Four (that, and I found, like, eighteen cents in loose change in one of the tears in the fabric). Anyhow, so you can say you saw it here first, here goes:

AFC Championship: Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco starts to generally annoy everyone with his whole, "Man, is this a great country or what? It's so great to be here! And it's really just another game" persona and doesn't play all that well, but Steelers signal-caller Ben Roethlisberger channels his inner Brett Favre and plays even worse in a game that ends up being far more lackluster than any expected. The Ravens defense says "nevermore" and the team advances to its second Super Bowl with a semi-convincing 14-11 win.

NFC Championship: Kurt Warner's desert version of the Greatest Show on Turf (The Greatest Hands in the Sand?) continues to baffle prognosticators by even having made it this far, and Eagles QB Donovan McNabb ignores the hype to brush up on those pesky overtime rules. But the Cardinals can't POSSIBLY win AGAIN and advance to their first ever Big Enchilada? Can they? CAN they? No, they can't. Philly helps reality rear its ugly head in a 35-10 beatdown.

Super Bowl 43, whatever the Hell that is in Roman numerals: Ah, the grand-high poobah of Pro Sports, the biggest Let's Overpay Guys to Play With a Ball holiday in the universe, and we get the blue-collar matchup a lifetime: Ron White versus Larry the Cabl...no, sorry, the Ravens versus the Eagles. In a long line of recent folks that "finally won the Big One," (Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, Jerome Bettis and Michael Strahan come to mind) this year's will be Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook in a contest where Joe Flacco spends the entire pre-game ceremonies saying "OMG, we're really here! We're really, REALLY here!" and pretty much the entire game saying "AHHHH! Get 'em off me!" with the Eagles defense making like an eleven-man crew of Alfred Hitchcock-style birds. In a game that truly IS for the boids, the Ravens lay a big ol' egg, and the Eagles get their first Supe ever, 26-10, with the MVP (hey, why should anything in this year's playoffs START making sense at this point?) being none other than David (yes, I REALIZE he's the kicker) Akers booting four field goals in four tries, including two from beyond fifty yards, saving Philly's offense during the times when it seems like fourteen Ray Lewises are blitzing on each down and twenty-seven Ed Reeds are in coverage. Oh, and I look for the best commercial in this year's game to be done by Coke. They're due.

Place your bets now and thank me later! :ayyy:

 

[Timewarp]

I like sports. I wish I could do something essentially repitive and be payed 10s millions dollars...and have the ability to make people kill each other just because they have a favorite side...and to have 100s of millions of wasted product, time and effort for people who'd never even heard of the word education...and oh yeah...make very bad anti drug commercials after doing a few hits myself.

Yep, sports is totally not a plauge on humanity.

 

[upper Tk]

Cause you don't even like sports

😉

 

[TyrantRaveAB]

i like all the unpopular sports. woot!

 

[upper Tk]

Philly wins if Warner has a bad day. BUT if L. Fritzgerald are on and there is a running game running Cards win.

Pitt wins.

Though the most intriguing matchup would have to be Pitt and Philly. Best stories and a intra-state superbowl. Where I live even high school hockey has a nice if not big following. Second to no one, even Indiana high school hoops and dare I say Texas high school football.

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

Pittsburgh beats Baltimore, there is no way the Ravens can go into Pittsburgh and win with the injuries they have.

The Cardinals beat the Iggles. The Cards play in a warm cozy stadium and I will take Warner over McNabb any day.

The Steelers beat the Cardinals. The Steelers have too much defense.

The Steelers should be thankful that the NFL playoff rules are garbage allowing crappy divisional leaders to win out over teams with better records. Its the only way they get by the Patriots in the playoffs.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

I agree with what most of you that are disagreeing with me are saying...

...but ya gotta admit that, the way these NFL playoffs have gone this post-season, there are really NO sure things anymore. Carolina, 12 wins, one and done in the playoffs. Ditto the defending Super Bowl champion Giants. Ditto the last team to lose a game, the 13-win Titans. Nothin' doin' in the playoffs for any of 'em. So while a lot of what I'm picking is tongue in cheek, you kinda CAN see how it could happen, ya hafta admit...

...any sports discussion anyone wants to get up, I'll contribute best I can if I have any educated input on the matter. It wouldn't have to be serious at all, just somethin' that gets people talkin'. Thanks for the responses!

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Oh!

And let's not forget the MVP-led Colts, ALSO with twelve regular-season victories and a goose egg in the playoffs. No top three seeds amongst the Final Four. Goofier'n crap. Makes me wanna already start talking about the Red Sox again, now that they've signed John Smoltz and Takahashi Saito to anchor the pitching corps. OR perhaps, should my quest to one day become Prez O' Da States come to fruition, making tickling and Olympic event. I can SO see practice sessions for, say, the 200-meter bind-and-tickle :ggrin:

 

[Camel26]

Steelers over the ravens 24-21.

Cardinals over the Eagles 35-14.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!! (Just put in Leftwich instead of Worthlessburger, and we'll be fine!!!)

 

[melanie2]

Steelers over the ravens 24-21.

Cardinals over the Eagles 35-14.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!! (Just put in Leftwich instead of Worthlessburger, and we'll be fine!!!)

hmm i bet you Camel that the Steelers lose tomorrow to Baltimore..:bouncy:

Nascar anyone? Daytona next month..yippee

 

[Camel26]

hmm i bet you Camel that the Steelers lose tomorrow to Baltimore..:bouncy:

Nascar anyone? Daytona next month..yippee

Sorry, Izz...I won't bet with you anymore...you don't make good on your bets when you LOSE!!!! 😉

 

[melanie2]

Sorry, Izz...I won't bet with you anymore...you don't make good on your bets when you LOSE!!!! 😉

oooo not true...i'll meet you anytime you venture down this way...😛

 

[makemlaugh2003]

NOW we're getting some talkin' goin'! Awesome!

First off, a tip of my cap (with a tickling feather in it, natch) to Camel26 for "Worthlessberger"...that's too cool! :bouncy: Much catchier than my personal nickname for Big Ben: "Robblesburger," which properly illustrates him as some sort of hybrid of an almost-good pro quarterback and a masked fast-food character. Interesting picks on the games, too, by the way!

I have a suggestion on how NASCAR can be made more palatable for folks like me who aren't in the loop ("Loop"...and most of the tracks are oval-shaped! Wooha! Get it?), ones who aren't quite sure which Unsers and Labontes are still actively driving, and can't figure out why ANYONE would actually go by the name "Dick Trickle." Okay, I actually have several suggestions, none of which have been responded to by the NASCAR commissioners I e-mailed nor even showed up in that Talladegha Nights movie:

1) Divide up the cars in heats of, say, eight, and have 'em just go once around the track. That's right, one lap. Three hours of pre-race hype and prognostication, followed by highlights of pit crew work of various racers so they don't feel left out (I mean, if you need a pit crew for a one-lap race, you're kinda already doing something wrong), then the flag goes down, and off they go, one time around. Horse racing makes it work, after all.
2) A little off-the-track, on-the-field diversions and levity provided by bikini-clad sign bearers (Even the TRUE bimbos could do THIS job; ya only need the one "Lap One" sign, and like anyone'll read the blasted thing if she's hot enough anyway) and rodeo clowns. NOTHING says "sports entertainment" like a rodeo clown, and this way a red-nosed, floppy-shoed Dave Coulier could once more find an actual show biz niche.
3) I realize that a one-lap race would be kinda low on crash factor, but for folks that actually are morbidly fascinated by high-speed, nine car pileups, the guys that aren't in the current 8-man race could get in their old, beat-up cars and go down to the demo derby pit on the other side of the arena, again in 8-car heats (or, well, maybe nine like the example above). Wins and decent finishes there would apply points to the driver's overall standings, and plus it'd get a few more hot bikini-wearing babes and rodeo clowns into the mix. And who here doesn't think Emmanuel Lewis would make a KILLER rodeo clown? I'd wade through eighteen rows of crazed fans to get dude's 'graph.
4) Though the beer-guzzling, crudely-cussing crowd factor will always be in effect to SOME level at any NASCAR race, perhaps a focus on the little tykes would be in order. Have "theme days" much like baseball does. Cities could sponsor their own soap box derby races the way they pretty much already do, and also have things like bumper car derbies, and local winners could compete statewide and then for a national final held right there on the field as a pre-race crowd pleaser. I mean, wouldn't you LOVE to hear some nine-year-old say, "Well, Buck, I was thinkin' we had a pretty good car out there until we grazed the wall on Turn Three on Lap Nine and got a little sideways, but the guys put some bailing wire around the crankshaft and Bobby Joe Junior used his four wads of chewed gum to hold the tranny in place, and once we got back out there and caught a backdraft from Slappy Ed up ahead of us after the caution we knew we could take him on the inside and coast to the flag. My thanks go to the Jiffy Pop/Colonel Sanders/Tuck's Medicated Pads/Fanta Orange/Thompson's Water Seal/Renuzit Carpet Fresh/My Little Pony/Smallwood action figure set/Compound W team for sponsoring the great car me and the boys had out there today"?
5) Get Bob Costas and Al Michaels in to guest as studio analysts...at SOME point. Instead credibility, man

But I digress...a LOT. :super_hap My man back in the 70's was A. J. Foyt, ol' number 14, and it hasn't been done quite the way he did it since. He was like the Carl Yastrzemski of auto racing, only Yaz wore number eight. Okay, not my greatest analogy, but I'm not as overmedicated right now as they often tend to keep me on the weekends.

 

[juggernaut]

That's a neat idea but it doesn't give all the rednecks time to finish their kegs.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Excellent point, Nerrad...

...so let's have all forty-two of 'em or however-many there are each race in a separate heat that day. Maybe a total of five or six races altogether, with corresponding demo derbies and such. AND there could be great "midway" ceremonies with the likes of Taylor Swift, Toby Keith...and even MORE rodeo clowns. Personally, I'd LOVE to see a pastle (A gang? A swarm? A parliament? Anyway, more than one) of rodeo clowns tickle the beejeebers out of Taylor Swift. THAT should get some of the crowd takin' those keg contents down to mere drops...😉

 

[Big_Dogg85]

I think it's gonna be Ravens over Steelers but late into OT - it's gonna be a thriller! I don't care who wins between the two types of birds but no doubt whoever does I'll cheer for em in the Super Bowl, even though they probably won't be a favourite to win. (maybe Arizona...)

I mean, Arizona, the supposed "kings of futility", are one win away from their first Super Bowl in what, a generation?!?!?!? Then there's Philadelphia with their three issues: 1) Andy Reid saga 2) Donovan McNabb saga (who demonstrated you can always learn something new by accident...) 3) Throngs upon throngs of fans, still on Cloud 9 from the Phillies, being Philly fans - insanely demanding!

I'm not a very big NASCAR fan but I love car racing: Rally and more importantly, Formula 1. The biggest sports event I can't wait for now: 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver!

 

[makemlaugh2003]

I just ate a big ol' meal: my own words

Hey, I never said I was no perfect guy or nothin', okay? I had to actually hop in the Wayback Machine to find the last time I successfully predicted NEITHER of the conference champions in the NFL playoffs, and you have to go all the way back to the days of Super Nintendo, Monica Lewinsky and Garth Brooks...yes, that's right, 1994, when I missed picking both the 49ers and the Chargers (I can be forgiven for the latter, I'd say). But a big man (which I am) admits when he's wrong (which I am), and a tip of my cap to anyone who got those games right in a truly wacky, unpredictable NFL playoffs. Though I DID correctly forecast that the Ravens would put up 14 points...

...I don't dare pick against the Cardinals anymore. After all, they're a ridiculously unlikely (or maybe unlikely ridiculous?) team of destiny this season and, what's more, my girlfriend's alma mater uses a similar type bird as its sports mascot. The audacity and absurdity of the Cardinals advancing to their first ever Supe will constantly mind-screw the likely heavily-favored Steelers, and the Arizona defense will constantly ruffle the feathers of Ben Roethlisberger, transforming him into, well, Ben Rufflesberger. It turns into a Mike Tyson-Buster Douglas-style heavyweight shoot-'em-up, this one does and, to cap off a truly bizarre year of pro pigskin, the Cardinals take home the VLT in SBXLIII, 34-31. Hey, a big ol' wrong guy DOES deserve a shot at redemption, does he not? 😉

 

[Camel26]

Here we go, steelers!!! Here we go!!! Pittsburgh is going to the superbowl...for the freaking win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Camel26]

Steelers over the ravens 24-21.

Cardinals over the Eagles 35-14.

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!! (Just put in Leftwich instead of Worthlessburger, and we'll be fine!!!)

Not too far off for a Camel!!!! WOOOT!!!!

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!

*explodes in torrential downpours of black and gold confetti*

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

Pittsburgh beats Baltimore, there is no way the Ravens can go into Pittsburgh and win with the injuries they have.

The Cardinals beat the Iggles. The Cards play in a warm cozy stadium and I will take Warner over McNabb any day.

The Steelers beat the Cardinals. The Steelers have too much defense.

The Steelers should be thankful that the NFL playoff rules are garbage allowing crappy divisional leaders to win out over teams with better records. Its the only way they get by the Patriots in the playoffs.

Woot! Scoreboard!

:ggrin:

 

[Cbarton]

Should be a great Superbowl. I've always liked Warner from his days at UNI (University of Northern Iowa) and our shared faith. But, even I'm not sure the greatest show on desert sand can break through the Steel Curtain. In competition with my son throughout the playoffs, I tied him by getting both games right this weekend.

Everyone's gonna talk Warner vs. Palomano (sp?) and company. I think the key is whether the Cardinal defense can contain the Steeler offense. If Hines "Who can I sneak a cheap hit in on today" Ward is healthy and able to play, I think the Steelers run away with it 42-17. If Ward is out, the Cardinal secondary gets a much easier game, making it easier to contain Ben "Everyone knows I hold on to the ball too long" Rothlisberger and company, with the Steelers eeking out a 24-21 victory.

Hey Camel, if they already have "one for the thumb,' where do they put this ring???? 😉

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Expounding upon that Olympic tickling idea of mine...

...which I will do following a brief yet sincere apology for the mind-numbing wrongheadedness of my NFL conference championship game predictions. HAD anyone placed a wager or wagers based solely on my advice, said bettor would've ended up like the farmer whose donkey ran away: he would've lost his ass.

Once more, I digress like...like...well, like a guy that digresses. Back to the topic at hand (or at feather, or at hairbrush, or whatever you prefer): I could REALLY see a truly glorious bit of Olympic fun developing from a sport that in some way even combined tickling and gymnastics (Gymnastickles?). Events therein wouldn't require any real gymnastic ability from the tickler, but WOULD involve, one could hope, a wide array of apparatus on which helpless, bound lady 'lees could be tickled senseless. They could include the Stocks, the Vertical X-Frame, the Horizontal Rack...oooooooh, the endless are possibilities! :ggrin: Anyone eager to further develop this burgeoning idea of mine may feel free to do so with inclusion of more events, suggestions of where tryouts could be held...heck, maybe even indicating whom they feel from this very forum would best MAKE such an Olympic team (and not JUST representing the U.S., either...don't forget, we have many great forum members from other nations as well :super_hap), either as a 'ler OR a 'lee. Could get interesting...