SCENE: On board the Orient Express. Englishman, reading the paper, is with his butler and Welshman in the dining car. Front page shows story "WORLD BUTLER SHORTAGE – Spate of kidnappings. Police have no suspects."
E’MAN: "This is getting serious. It’s not just von Braun’s son – it’s all the trainee butlers in the world. This is no personal vendetta – there’s an evil scheme afoot – and where there’s an evil scheme, there’s an evil mastermind. And no one is more evil than Hitler…except Stalin of course. But the liberals and socialists have done a good job of trying to make everyone forget about that."
W’MAN: "But why, Englishman? Why would he want to kidnap all the world’s butlers?"
At this point a sack is thrown over the head of Butler and he is bundled off by some kidnappers – neither Englishman nor Welshman notices.
E’MAN: "Phew. For a minute there I thought you were going to ask why Hitler had chosen to reappear now, rather than at anytime during the past sixty years. Fortunately, your question I can answer. Think about it, Welshman. Who runs the world?"
W’MAN: "Politicians?"
E’MAN: "That’s right – the British aristocracy. Now – think what would happen if we didn’t have our butlers. We’d be practically helpless."
SCENE: dissolves into shots of upper class types left helpless; unable to dress themselves (cue scenes of half dressed, confused aristocrats trying to put socks on their heads etc. Person wearing massively clashing outfit; man in ball gown etc). House of Lords full of very oddly dressed peers – some naked, other wearing just their cloaks, etc.
PEER 1: "It’s very cold today"
PEER 2: "Isn’t it? I blame my butler. This morning he hadn’t laid out my suit and there was no one to dress me."
PEER 1: "Still, it’s not all bad. I’ve been looking for an excuse not to wear clothes ever since the sixties ended."
PEER 2: "Me too!"
