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Facts about men

JPie1

1st Level Green Feather
Joined
Apr 19, 2001
Messages
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What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.


JPie
 
What do you expect from creatures who shrug off a leg torn off at the knee a "flesh wound" (when there's a lady around), yet turn to sniveling crybabies on the verge of death from a slight common cold (again, when there's a lady around)? We are so misunderstood... WHOA! TITS ON TV! Gotta go...
 
47 Facts About Women


1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel
like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant,
so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes
in the closet; you "just don't understand".

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can
hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort
to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to
fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are.
That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more
physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man
*wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And
they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or
three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance
to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's
doing.
It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in
the shower.

16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain
forest.

17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment
that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds
them of how horrible things *could* be.

18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of
clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a
seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know
what she'll feel like wearing each day.

19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.

20. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea
about how she'll be in bed.

21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling.

22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's
there in the bible". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?

23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't
stick?"

24. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet.

25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for
two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they
will talk for three hours.

28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of
getting lost using a shortcut.

31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it
means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.

33. The first naked man woman see is "Ken".

35. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast-size.

36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn

37. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language
than it does in man-language.

38. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

39. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the
direction that they are heading.

40a All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with them about it.

40b All women are overweight by definition, don't agree with them about it.

41. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower shop, you
can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let
into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.

43. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good
china".

44. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid
to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys.
(which gets them in more trouble)

45. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking
a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

46. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men
arrested.

47. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims
to the contrary. You don't see womens trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
Gilbert Gottfried do you?
 
found this ages ago...

50 things we wish girls knew….



We aren’t mind readers!
We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
Smoking is the biggest turn off.
It never hurts to work out.
If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
“Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.
Giving head is never a bad idea.
We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.
You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”
“The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
You’re probably not as funny as you think.
Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week.
Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
The red light means the video camera is off.
A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.”
Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.
 
JPie1 said:
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.


The majority of guys in this community are not typical. If they were, chicken feet would be on the menu at KFC. 😛
 
No matter what the topic, men have a need to go on and on and on.(see Venray's list compared to JPie's. I wonder who they are trying to convince, us or themselves? LOL
 
What I found really funny about this thread is simple! I could only find a couple things on any of the lists, that I genuinely disagreed with! For the most part, whether we want to admit it or not, they are all pretty darn accurate! 😛
Jo
 
Why do men prefer their brides to wear white?
Because we want our dishwasher to match our stove and refrigerator.
















































(Relax...it's just a joke...)
 
JPie1 said:



How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.



JPie


As long as we understand each other.😛
 
I just love this stuff. And as Jo said... so many of them are Oh so true!

LOL
 
njjen3953 said:
No matter what the topic, men have a need to go on and on and on.(see Venray's list compared to JPie's. I wonder who they are trying to convince, us or themselves? LOL

No Jen...no convincing necessary..It's just that there is so much more to be said about women as you are definitely the more complex side of the species.....in other words..Men are easy..women are difficult...🙄



Ven
 
venray1 said:
No Jen...no convincing necessary..It's just that there is so much more to be said about women as you are definitely the more complex side of the species.....in other words..Men are easy..women are difficult...🙄

Funny... We think we're pretty easy to figure out and you guys are difficult!

😉

heheheheh
 
venray1 said:
Men are easy..women are difficult...🙄

Oh really? I swear I am considering doing my term paper for Abnormal Psychology on why men are so difficult. After one conversation on the phone, I have understood most of the women I have met in this community better than most of the men I have known for years.
 
Nah....

You just use your brains differently



Study: Men - unlike women - use only half of brain when listening
LINDSEY TANNER
Associated Press
CHICAGO ---- Score one for exasperated women: New research suggests men really do listen with just half their brains.
In a study of 10 men and 10 women, brain scans showed that men when listening mostly used the left sides of their brains, the region long associated with understanding language. Women in the study, however, used both sides.

Other studies have suggested that women "can handle listening to two conversations at once," said Dr. Joseph T. Lurito, an assistant radiology professor at Indiana University School of Medicine. "One of the reasons may be that they have more brain devoted to it."

Lurito's findings, presented Tuesday at the Radiological Society of North America's annual meeting, don't necessarily mean women are better listeners.

It could be that "it's harder for them," Lurito suggested, since they apparently need to use more of their brains than men to do the same task.

"I don't want a battle of the sexes," he said. "I just want people to realize that men and women" may process language differently.

In the study, functional magnetic resonance imaging ---- or fMRI ---- was used to measure brain activity by producing multidimensional images of blood flow to various parts of the brain.

Inside an MRI scanner, study participants wore headphones and listened to taped excerpts from John Grisham's novel "The Partner" while researchers watched blood-flow images of their brains, displayed on a nearby video screen.

Listening resulted in increased blood flow in the left temporal lobes of the men's brains. In women, both temporal lobes showed activity.

The findings tend to support previous suggestions that women's brains are "either more bilaterally dominant" or more right-side dominant in doing certain tasks than men's, said Dr. Edgar Kenton of the American Stroke Association.

Though preliminary, the study could help doctors treating stroke victims better understand how men's and women's brains differ, said Kenton, a neurologist at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia.

It suggests that in a stroke affecting the brain's left side, women might recover language ability more quickly than men, though that remains to be proven, Kenton said.
 
So have I been a good enough SAM in this thread yet...LOL...:devil:
 
Lateralization...

The process in which certain functions are located more in one hemisphere of the brain that the other.

Among the most controversial findings related to the specialization of the hemispheres of the brain is evidence that lateralization is related to gender and culture. For instance, starting during the first year of life and continuing in the preschool years, boys and girls show some hemispheric differences associated with the lower body reflexes and the processing of of auditory information. (Grattan et al., 1992; Shucard et al., 1981)

Furthermore, males clearly tend to show greater lateralization of language in the left hemishere; among females, however, language is more evenly divided between the two hemispheres (Gur et al., 1982)

Such differences may help explain why females' language development proceeds at a more rapid pace than males. 😛
 
Re: Lateralization...

njjen3953 said:
Such differences may help explain why females' language development proceeds at a more rapid pace than males. 😛


...and also why they talk too much.....🙄 :devil: 🙄 😀 😉


Ven *SAM-ing for the SBG*
 
JPie

Me thinks your thread hath been hijacked. *giggle*
 
JPie1 said:
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

and hopefully... ticklish. 😀

priceless, perfect and so so true!
 
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