Falling Short.. And.. The End Of The Road?.

[Mitchell]

So.. I went in to take the "Proctored Final" with Jay today. It was on an Aflac computer, and how does everyone think I did?

As I've stated before.. I needed a 70 to pass. I got.. a 68.. and then took it two more times, and got a 63, and finally, a 56, when my brain was fried.

Jay was very sympathetic.. This other guy, Tim.. was sympathetic too, but.. the words.. "The End of The Road". crossed his lips.

Simply put.. I'm just sick. I killed myself.. and what did it get me? They made reference to how long it took me to pass the practice final,. and also wondered how I would handle the conditions of the state exam.

Ed's "Proctored Final" isn't until the second week in December. There was reference to me coming back to the office in between now and then for another.. or other proctored finals.. but.. for now.. it sits,. because of the holiday.

For all his bastard ways, my father was very sympathetic. What have I gotten from work that I wanted, even when I killed myself. Market America? Other direct marketing companies? The business Idea I thought the MA president could help us with? Aflac?

I'm going to keep trying unless, and until, they do tell me its the end of the road. Studying,. practice etc..

I saw Maria on my way home, and she was just wonderful.

I'm not going to study tonight.. I'll continue tomorrow. I'm also not going to the family party on Thursday. I think my father understands why.

Tim and Jay are convinced I do know the information. I've taken the damn practice final so many times, that its almost repetitive. They think I freeze under test conditions.

I hope any comments will be supportive.

When I wasn't trying.. I probably deserved what I got. This.., I don't get it.

"God helps those who helps themselves".

Fine.. I've been busting my freaking ass. Even my hard assed father knows this.

Help me, "God". After all you took from me. (My mom). Not to mention the business heartbreak... if I don't get this.. I'll have a hard time ever believing again.

 

[C.A.B.]

Take a break and regroup, Mitch. Things will make more sense after you get away from it for a while.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, C.A.B. I plan to. I'm going to go back to work tomorrow with more practice.

 

[GQguy]

Just as Cab said.....regroup!

I failed my last flight of pilot training. One of the jet's systems was broken and I pushed through, the evaluator ended up failing me. I regrouped.....had faith in myself....flew the next day and killed it. Even telling the new hard ass evaluator "no need to look in the manual, I'm correct" at certain times in the flight when he was iffy on something I did. Confidence man. Parents flew in the next day and pinned on my wings. The fact that it wasn't easy made it that much sweeter. You are on that last flight of mine....you know the info....Git er dun!!

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks.

Yes, I do know the info, but.. I just freeze when I'm taking the test. There were also other versions or variations of questions on today's [proctored final, that I hadn't seen on the practice final. Bottom line.. I took the damn practice final so many times.. that I got grades in the 60s just from memory.

The way I see it..

The team who fought so hard all season.. was almost eliminated in Game Six of the World Series.. and came through on a hit in the bottom of the ninth, to survive and send it to Game Seven. . It's now the ninth inning, Game Seven.. and its' up to Mitch to either win the game.. or the team fails. Does it really matter that the team had a "Great run", if they lose? Isnt winning the whole thing?

 

[milagros317]

It takes a while to recover after your brain is fried. Take a break and then go back and nail it. 😀

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, mils. That's what I'm going to do.

 

[rdhd]

Maybe because you have the thought in the back of your mind, "what if I fail?" You need to get it in your mind "what will I do when I pass?" Get rid of the defeatist thoughts - and in the mean time, yes, take a bit of a break and clear your mind.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, rd. I see your point.
'
I am taking a break, until tomorrow morning. I cant do much more than that. I would have loved to have taken off all of Thanksgiving weekend, and gotten back to it next Monday.

The problem is this: While the next "In class proctored final" with Ed, the review course instructor, is not until Dec 10.... they are clearly reaching a point where they cant wait anymore. When I suggested to them that I keep coming back from next Monday on.. until the next in class proctored test, to try the proctored tests with Jay,, their reaction was "What is the point in that". They can log in and see how hard I've worked. Both Jay and this guy Tim said they know I've busted it,. If they see "Mitch didn't log in for six days.. because he's taking a break, thinking the next in class proctored final isn't til Dec 10" I will then be fucked. Ed told me last Thursday at the all day review class.. "I don't want to see you back here again". Meaning.. either.. pass the proctored final before.. or.. be damn ready to know I will pass it when Ed returns.

I'm going back to work tomorrow. Chances are.. nothing will happen until next Monday, because of the holiday.

Whenever they do want me to go, I will need to be ready.