Family Support System-Isnt It Supposed To Go Both Ways?

[Mitchell]

I wanted to post this in the main forum to get advice, not to complain, but more so to ascertain.

My question is: If one is a support system to their family,. and listens to all their venting, problems, etc, isnt is reasonable to expect the same in return?

Everyone who has seen my threads is aware of how I've discussed my family situation over the years, but that isnt the exact point of my post.

Here is the situation. I have two aunts, my mom's sisters, as I think I've posted before, the artist, and the astrologer.

Through the years, the artist always used to bend the ears of me, my mom, and my grandmother. When I lived in the same town as my grandmother before she died, my grandmother always used to tell me. "Every night at 6, my phone rings, and Renee starts with her problems".

Renee is the artist, and, after my grandmother died, her going on about her problems continued to my mom, even when my mom had terminal cancer. Now, she goes on to me, about her marriage, etc.

My view is that I dont have a problem being a support system. This is the problem, however..

My other aunt, the astrologer, is constantly mooching money off people. This is how she lives. She has mooched thousands off my grandmother, me, my mom, even guys.

It's incredibly frustrating. Her favorite line is.. (Whoever) helps me. Its like, help yourself. Since my mom;s final illness and death, she has mooched money off me that I know she will never pay back.

When I expressed my frustration about this to the artist today, her reply to me was "I cant listen to this. I have too many of my own problems". This, from a woman, who complains to me about her husband, constantly.

As I said before, I know I have.. and do, vent about my relatives. Right now my dad is going through extreme frustration selling his company. Know what I told him the other day. "Dad, if you need to talk to someone, call me anytime". Whatever my issues with him, this is a man who helped me change my life, and wbo I woke up at 6am on the morning my mom died. He appreciated my support, but, its only right I support him.

So, my question is, do I have a right to feel pissed that my aunt the artist is refusing to listen to my frustrations about the other aunt, and her mooching? I feel resentful because she has no problem calling me to tell me about her anger toward her husband, but now is shutting me up about an important problem in my life.

Thoughts?

Mitch

 

[kis123]

Here's another question......why would you even be bothered with her at all?

I have five sisters; one lives in Atlanta GA and NEVER has anything to do with the family at all. The rest of them I get to deal with. Now I'm the "crazy one" , but when they get in trouble, who do you think they call? Me, the crazy one of course!

I moved to the west side of my city because east siders treat it as if I moved to Mexico! I don't have to deal with most of the drama and chaos because they won't come to my home even though it's 20 minutes over a friggin' bridge!

You're going to have to pick your battles Mitch; decide if you want to deal with them and if you don't.....then just don't deal with the drama and manipulation. You're a different man now...act like it and walk in it. They'll eventually write you off.....but why do you care?? That's unless you do.

 

[Jagermeistered]

I would call it narcissism...

The observation and experience that you have literate, shows that it is quite extreme. There is no real "outside" cure, and it has to come from within. If she is independent, there is no help for her. She seeks dependency from others, and that is what feeds her narcissism. Being a astrologist made me chuckle, and from what you have posted - she is pro-geocentric.

The artist, samething, but I can not critique her...

 

[Mitchell]

kis, thanks for your analysis. Here's the thing.

My mom had a lot of problems with both sisters through the years, primarally because they expected her to clean up their messes.

In spite of that, while they had short periods when they didnt talk, they were never officially estranged.

Before my mom died, she asked me not to be estranged from them if at all possible.

I think, in spite of her selfishness, the artist does want me to move forward and have a good life. She's happy I'm talking to my dad, and that I talk to his wife.

The astrologer. We used to be close, but as years have gone on, all she wants tr do is mooch.

I'd prefer not to be estranged. The way things are going, its more likely I'm going to write off the asrrologer. I'm really sick of her antics.

Thanks, jager, as I said to kis, I think its more likely a break will happen from the astrologer, than from the artist.

Mitch

 

[Jagermeistered]

Here's another question......why would you even be bothered with her at all?

I have five sisters; one lives in Atlanta GA and NEVER has anything to do with the family at all. The rest of them I get to deal with. Now I'm the "crazy one" , but when they get in trouble, who do you think they call? Me, the crazy one of course!

I moved to the west side of my city because east siders treat it as if I moved to Mexico! I don't have to deal with most of the drama and chaos because they won't come to my home even though it's 20 minutes over a friggin' bridge!

You're going to have to pick your battles Mitch; decide if you want to deal with them and if you don't.....then just don't deal with the drama and manipulation. You're a different man now...act like it and walk in it. They'll eventually write you off.....but why do you care?? That's unless you do.

Human "craziness" creates "magnetism."

It is what seperates you from the barnyard. I despise being what my great friend, Cecil, calls the "great unwashed." He is very in attuned to his philosophies(that differentiate from mine), but we are respectful to each other's difference, and I see him as the older brother that I admire(I have no siblings). And, the communication we can share is completely open and honest.