Farah Faucet trains to be a police detective

[sole seeker]

A detective sergeant was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The cop says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The cop angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The cop is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

 

[sole seeker]

Another Cop Joke

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher." I responded.

The cop said "What? ... a rectum stretcher?, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."

The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."

The ticket - - $195.00-- The look on his face - - PRICELESS

 

[TicklingDuo]

a true story from a trooper I know

A NYS trooper is sitting along the side of the highway in a busy area. Suddenly, a car goes flying past at a fairly high rate of speed. He nails it with the radar gun, hits the lights and siren and takes off.

A couple of miles up the road, still in hot persuit, he nearly rear ends the car when it hits the breaks hard while switching over to another route.

When the car finally pulls over, he's very flustered. He yanks the driver's door open without really looking and yells, "Get out of the damned car!"

A 90 year-old woman slowly steps out. "What seems to be the problem sonny?", she asks.

Still flustered, the trooper responds, "What's the problem? What's the problem?! First you're flying along blowing everyone off the road. Then you slowed to such a crawl that I nearly hit you! What's with you, lady?!"

The old woman looks at him with a very puzzled expression and replies, "But, officer, I was only obeying the speed limits. I don't like to go too fast or too slow. People get so impatient about things like that."

Now puzzled himself, the officer informs the woman that the speed limit is 55.

Anxious to explain herself, the woman replies with a flurry, "Oh no, sonny. It's not 55. It's 17. See that white sign right there? And back there, it was 81. It'll be 81 again just up ahead here too." She gives his hand a motherly pat as she continues, "I DO wish they'd make the signs all the same color. It would be so much easier. And I also wish they'd not change it so drasticly. After all, it takes a bit of time to speed up and slow down that much."

Understanding what's happened now, the trooper asks to see her licence. She hands it to him. He looks at it...at her...back at it. Shaking his head sadly, he then cuts the license in half and tosses it over his shoulder into the road.

"Why sonny, why would you do that? I can't drive without a license." the woman tearily pleads.

"Lady, you can't drive WITH a license!", the trooper responds. "Get in my car. I'll take you home and have the car towed. Your driving days are over."


Amazing!
Ann

 

[General Zod]

So what your saying Ann is that if I see a road sign saying 100 I can't drive 100 mph?