Fathers Who Walk Out

[ShiningIce]

Anyone else here think there should be more severe penalties for fathers who walk out on their offspring?

 

[Krokus]

Hm..

This is an interesting topic. My father left my mother and I when I was born...Thankfully, and you better believe I thank God everyday for this, I had a "stepdad" who took me under his wing and raised me as his son. I never call him stepdad though...always dad...because he is my father....not my genetic father, but he is something that my "Real" father is not. A man. Do I get angry at the mere thought of my "real" father, yes. I get angry because I know that he is responsible for so many of the problems my mother went through, and for leaving me....without even thinking about how I would feel. When I was 9 years old, my "Real" father came back around and tried to get me to leave my life behind, and move in with him. This was after my mother had died of course, because had she been alive, she would have made sure that he stayed away from me. He tried to use money to get me to move in with him, promised to buy me everything I wanted....but my heart was with my "step" dad (whom I consider to be my real father) and my brother back home. I still remember the day that I told him that I did not want to live with him....I was scared....I did not know how he was going to react....I told him, and about 10 minutes later, his wife came in...I remember her exact words...."Larry said that you can't have two daddy's....after he takes you back home, you won't see him ever again". I didn't care though, I was just happy that it was all over. Looking back though, it really angers me...I just don't get it...how could someone be so selfish....As for your question, I do not think that there should be any penalty that my "Real" father should have to face. My reason? I would hope that what he did to my mother and I, would be enough punishment. I hope that he never forgets what could have been, and that the guilt never leaves his heart...I would hope that that would be punishment enough. I do, however, hope that I get to see him again someday, just so I can talk to him...and maybe bring some closure and peace to both of our minds.

 

[dvnc]

Nah. I think there should be more respect given to a man who becomes a good man DESPITE the punk ass that didn't stay to raise what he started.

Mind ya, Ma raised me. It's why I'm so sensitive and delicate. Heh.

I *am* a step dad. My kid's down wit' me, and wit' callin' me that. Seems t'respect me as well as any kid does his pop. I get no better or worse than mom, all told, as I see it, and if anything, I may get better from him. I'm new and excitin', though. New, anyway, which seems excitin' at that age, from what I can tell.

Dads who don't stick around confuse me. I can dig not stayin' wit' someone after you were dumb enough to procreate wit' someone you can't tolerate. Many REALLY smart folks I know have done so. Don't know a one that regrets the baby, though.

I didn't suffer any from a lack of father, and no one I know can "tell" or thinks me immasculine. No one says I overcompensate for the absent father figure.

I figure that the penalty for walkin' out on a kid, beyond the fiscal responsiblity, is already present. When a man does so, he has t'LIVE wit' that failing.

I *do* think it's somethin' that should be shown to every woman who comes near him thereafter, though. Wish there was a stink associated, so potential lovers could walk up, sniff, and decide if they want anything t'do wit' 'em.

Why d'ya ask, Ice?

 

[ShiningIce]

I was just curious as to what everyone thought.

 

[46and2]

My father...

was abusive before taking off, ended up moving across the country so he didn't have to pay child support. I'm probably better off that he left but I can't help but wonder if that's true. Not having a dad f**cks with your life. I can say it's definitley deserving of punishment but at the same time maybe kids are better off without them if they want to leave. Jail time and fines aren't going to force a father or mother to love their children. Just my thoughts.
-Phil

 

[Deleted member 2452]

good, and emotional topic

i can't understand how a father can leave his children.
i am devoted to my children, they are what keeps me going.
any man that turns his back on his kids, and leaves them should have his manhood removed.
steve

 

[Limeoutsider]

what I don't understand is how is someone suppsot to get $ to pay child support if he's in jail?

 

[Strelnikov]

Quoting dvnc:
"Wish there was a stink associated, so potential lovers could walk up, sniff, and decide if they want anything t'do wit' 'em."

I'm old enough to remember when this was the case. Such a man was reckoned to be of no account, and decent women were advised by their friends and families to have nothing to do with them.

Dunno about punishment - though if someone did my daughter that way, I'd be tempted to introduce him to Mr. Winchester, who is Not His Friend.

Haven't heard from you in a while, friend - where have you been? Is all well with you?

Strelnikov

 

[JoBelle]

This topic is close to my heart but not for the obvious reason. I came from one of those families where Dad worked, and Mom styaed home and raised the kids. It's all good that way when it works. Lots of babies, lots of weekend get togethers. We had our share of problems like any family, but it's life as I knew it. I never understood the reality behnd single parenting even as I approached motherhood myself.

Then I "got it" one day. My best friend, whose father left before she was born, announced that she was pregnant. The next day found her finace` moving to another state just because he "didn't want to be a dad again."😕 So, I walked in where he walked out. I didn't do it to save her or to be glorious...I did it because she is my_best_friend. I was SOOO angry with Scott. I would have literally strangled the life out of him if I had laid eyes on him. He was in real danger for the hurt and fear he put into my "sister." Anyway....to make my point...(yeah, I have one, just talk alot!)

POINT:
When the baby was born, I was the labor coach. For those who don't know, that means I was the one in the delivery room getting her hand broken! 😛 Damn Lamaze classes don't mean CRAP when you're not the one pushin'! I've had em form both sides now! LOL

Since her mom had a lot of complications and was under treatment right after the birth....

I was the first person to hold that baby.
I saw the new born skin...so perfect.
I saw her eyes the first time they opened.
I changed her first diaper.
I fed her that first meal.
I held that perfect sweet angel in my chest and rocked her to sleep the first time.
I was also there when her first tooth came in, when she learned to walk, when she learned to say "Aunt Gee" (that's me) before she learned to say Daddy.
I was there on her first day of pre-school.
I was there for it all.....and I'll be there when she graduates from college and walks down the aisle and when she brings her own kid home one day.

And her father won't.

And I feel so much sadness and pity for him. And I know, in spite of what I may think at times....that he's living his own version of Hell.

So, yep....when fathers walk out, it's sad. But not always for the kiddo. And Good thing that!

Jo

 

[dvnc]

Quoting dvnc:
"Wish there was a stink associated, so potential lovers could walk up, sniff, and decide if they want anything t'do wit' 'em."

I'm old enough to remember when this was the case. Such a man was reckoned to be of no account, and decent women were advised by their friends and families to have nothing to do with them.

Dunno about punishment - though if someone did my daughter that way, I'd be tempted to introduce him to Mr. Winchester, who is Not His Friend.

Haven't heard from you in a while, friend - where have you been? Is all well with you?

Strelnikov

All's well for me in frosty Canada, sir. Diggin' the fatherhood deal, and gettin' t'see, firsthand, what good a man can do for a kid, wit' proper focus. Ain't been postin' as much of late. Other distractions. Always good t'see you post, though. Tells me there's thinkin' in a thread.

I dig Jo's reply followin' yours. I wish there was a visceral way to get slack fathers to SEE and FEEL that loss, to own the hurt that their negligence creates (yes, negligence, 'cause condoms are cheap, and smart).

Yeah, I can hear those of you out there, defensively statin', "What about her? She's responsible, too!"

If she's raisin' the kid, then she's ownin' her part. If you ain't helpin', well, then we're talkin' about you.

Just curious, huh, Ice? That's interesting...

 

[bticklishfeet]

I feel if a man is willing to play the role of a man🙄 and then later down the road finds that there is a child as a result he should stand up and be a man.! Take care of his own child! Just donating your sperm doesn't make you a Father! It takes a real man to wear that title!

So yes, sock it to the dead beat dad! Maybe next time he'll think with his bigger head🙄 and use protection🙄 but then again, I doubt it!🙄

 

[Krokus]

pfft

Well, I still say that it's 50/50 when it comes to condoms. The woman has just as much responsibility as the man to make sure protection is used. If she sees no condom, don't have sex, that simple.

 

[dvnc]

I'm with ya, there, Krokus. I'm just speakin' to our gender. Women who don't want pregancy need to protect themselves TOO, and that's a great additional topic. Spoken here, though, it can seem like you're duckin' the issue, which wasn't whether women need to do their part too, but whether men who don't should get grief for it.

Do keep in mind, though, that women can't allow a man to penetrate 'em AND have safe sex, brother. There's some very ugly childless surprises for guys that ignore such for long. Pregancy ain't the biggest surprise, where sex is concerned.

Different topics than this thread, man. While we now know you think there's additional thoughts, you've not spoken to the original statement in this thread. Care to?

dvnc

 

[RichardAuc]

Fatherhood, and the difference between fathers & hoods

Since I, like many of the previous posters on this topic, find it helpful to reveal part of the past to show why I stand where I do...

My father left the Corps in '71--physically, that is: mentally, I'm still waiting. He's spent his life drinking for as far back as I can remember, and that's a very long time. At one point, he did leave us--and returned after several hours. He has no recollection of this, which is just as well. I lived w/my parents prior to their divorce when I was 14 (the divorce was my idea), and split the remaining years of my childhood between the two resulting households. As such, he had several opportunities to be part of my life. He's taken none of them, and I've finally decided to cease contact w/him.

I can't feel sorry for him anymore, for it's pointless to feel sorry over what I can't control. For him, and all the men out there who feel that the only contributions necessary to call oneself a father are sperm & money: failure to appreciate the joys of parenthood makes one unworthy of it. We can be angry at such people, to be sure, but that serves no purpose. Rest assured, they punish themselves far more effectively than anything the law could devise.

There are legal means to ensure that men pay the financial consequences of the irresponsible creation of life, and Texas leads the nation in using them. There are no means to ensure that adults effectively parent their children, for there are limits to the powers of the law.