Fetishists who are uncomfortable with "real sex"

[CheshireCatNY]

As impossible as it is to figure out the mind of the average fetishist, this is something that's always interested me. (This isn't directed at anyone I know in particular as I've known plenty of people like this.)

I've always been curious about fetishists who can only get turned on by their chosen fetish EXCLUSIVELY to the point where more common sexual stimuli does absolutely nothing for them. Years ago I knew a guy who said he actually preferred pleasuring himself while worshiping a woman's feet as opposed to even the possibility of actually having sex with her or even seeing her naked for that matter. Now you could joke and say he was probably hung like a titmouse but I'm pretty sure it goes a lot deeper than that....I've even gotten one or two comments with some of my art of people saying "If she wasn't topless, this pic would be perfect..." meaning that the sight of the girls bare chest was enough to actually turn them off. I guess I don't actually have a real "question" in mind with all this, more of just generating a discussion......so.....

....discuss....

 

[morgandee]

one time, someone made a claim that a fetishist was scared or intimidated by real sex, which was real unusual, but i think he was only saying that because a girl wouldn't put out for him but would instead only let him engage in nonpenetrating fetishist activity and he got some kind of self-esteem issue from it, and i consider him a dork to this day. yeah, you know who you are

some people may feel guilty about associating whatever they're fond of with sex or sexualization, especially something that could be related to little children, and it projects some kind of shadow of doubt

so they're really quick to rebuke statements that tickling is indeed sexual, so they can feel more free to post pictures of kaitlin fron ninja turtles "getting it" or whatnot without feeling like a terrible pedobear--not that i'm saying anything about anybody here!

it's very easy to assume that there's a whole guilt issue of associating it with sexual activity, and it's not too farfetched a theory, either

i'm not just making guesses at what goes on; i'm actually consolidating information collected from many encounters and talks that have consistent correlations TRY SAYING THAT THREE TIMES FAST

there might be a semblance of purity when it comes to tickling, and sex may seem like a taintful subject to introduce, and there's that whole archetypal womanly pure spirit thing that seems artistic to some people i suppose

on the other hand, sex may not be a fearful subject, but just a void subject that the fetishist is plainly indifferent to--but since they're apathetic to the topic, that just means it doesn't particularly affect nor bother them, so they're irrelevant to the question

 

[chilled_bones]

I think I might be a less extreme version of this. For me, tickling doesn't replace sex, but it's more appealing than just making out with a girl.

I'm a college student, and it really seems like people have been trained on how to make out... to the point where you know exactly how a girl is going to behave before she even makes a move.

Since most girls probably don't rehearse what they're going to do if they get tickled on a date in the same way they plan how to make out, the reaction feels more raw and spontaneous.

But yeah, sex is still good. I definitely think about tickling first though, since having sex with say... 3 different girls on the campus in the span of a week would probably piss them all off, but you can tickle as many girls as you want and there's no issue.

 

[Slaver123]

I don't know how most people arrive at their fetishism. For reasons I don't wanna get into now, I've slowly come to admit in recent years that I'm just not all that into intercourse. Like I'm all foreplay or something...

This goes back over ten years at least, I can be totally satisfied dancing around the other bases for a few hours, and especially indulging a deep-seated fetish, and I don't need the "home run"...

I can admit this cause I've finally found there are other men who feel this way too...

 

[Slaver123]

BTW... they PLAN how they're gonna make out??? Haven't they ever heard of spontaneity???? Then again, theirs is the generation of "play dates" and constant structured recreation...in my childhood, play was play, there was no adult structure imposed on it...

 

[tklmaestro]

As for myself , I don't feel my fetishes make me uncomfortable with "real" sex , its just the opposite , they help me in sex and provide a trigger mechanism for introducing it through foot foreplay and climaxing during prolonged intercourse by the same method. Feet play a huge role in my daily life and also in my sex drive at night. I feel it doesn't threaten my "real" sex but instead is an extention of it and completes who I am.

 

[skull108]

hmm well everybody has his / her own prefrence and i won't mind , it does sound odd dough cous for me tickling is a turn aswel as fun , so if sex would come to the point i woulden't mind it.

 

[chicag0]

That is so astonishing and sad to me, I can't even think of a proper response.

 

[tklmaestro]

That is so astonishing and sad to me, I can't even think of a proper response.

I know why this thread is astonishing but why does it sadden you ?
Everyone is happy being the way they are. All is OK.

 

[moondog83uk1]

Actually, a certain number of people here have had major issues with their fetishes. Over the years there have been a number of posts by members requesting help in "curing" their fetishes because they bring them nothing but heartache or sadness or depression. Partners sometimes do not share the fetish and it can make a person feel very inadequate, or make them feel like they're not right, or a freak. It is sometimes very hard.

I think about tickling and feet whenever I start to feel naughty. It's the first thing that comes to mind, usually. When I see a girl I like when I'm out, I first look down at the feet. So it's the first thing I think about, but I also do not need it to get turned on and have sex - I enjoy the more "normal" aspects too. But I do worry about my fetishes taking over. My love of feet and tickling is stronger than it was when I was 18 (I'm 26 now), I want to indulge them more often than I did and I worry that sooner or later it'll push out the more "normal" turn-ons.

I always balance on a fine line between enjoying my own fetishes and making sure my girlfriend knows I find her sexy from top to toe, and not just the feet. Obviously she doesn't share the fetishes so it is important to make sure that both of us are happy and fulfilled, which we are. I fear very little in this world but I do fear that one day my love of my fetishes will shift again and I'll lose my enjoyment of the "normal" things. It'll basically ruin my life.

But right now I'm happy, and have been for a long time 🙂 It's just kinda like smoking. I'm never going to quit but I am forever mindful that the cancer may be waiting around any corner...

 

[chilled_bones]

BTW... they PLAN how they're gonna make out??? Haven't they ever heard of spontaneity???? Then again, theirs is the generation of "play dates" and constant structured recreation...in my childhood, play was play, there was no adult structure imposed on it...

Yeah. It's actually pretty funny to think that people "research" how to make their love interest(s) happy. If only they knew how easy it was... lol.

I'll admit that I find it kind of hard (pun intended?) to believe that a person could be entirely neutral towards, or even repulsed by, something as sensual as sex.

If anything, I'd think that the more you tickle someone, the more you'd want to have sex with them. (Tickling is, by nature, an endearing social action with humans after all.)

 

[chicag0]

That is so astonishing and sad to me, I can't even think of a proper response.

It saddens me because a person that is wishing to have any kind of lasting relationship is going to have to deal with the fact that sex repulses them or that they get more satisfaction from tickling than sex. And dealing with said issues isn't going to be easy. Most people over the age of 17 will agree that sex is a big part of a relationship, not the only part, but it's important and unless your relationship is with God alone, you're going to have trouble finding someone willing to forgo sex for tickle games.

 

[tklmaestro]

It saddens me because a person that is wishing to have any kind of lasting relationship is going to have to deal with the fact that sex repulses them or that they get more satisfaction from tickling than sex. And dealing with said issues isn't going to be easy. Most people over the age of 17 will agree that sex is a big part of a relationship, not the only part, but it's important and unless your relationship is with God alone, you're going to have trouble finding someone willing to forgo sex for tickle games.

I can see your point from the stance where a fetish can overide any "real" sexual desires where someone only craves their fetish and does not satisfy their partners needs. Yes ,that can be a problem. Although, I love sex, so to me and many like me, fetishes only add to us and take away nothing.

 

[chicag0]

I can see your point from the stance where a fetish can overide any "real" sexual desires where someone only craves their fetish and does not satisfy their partners needs. Yes ,that can be a problem. Although, I love sex, so to me and many like me, fetishes only add to us and take away nothing.

Ok, well to clarify, I was referring to people that are repulsed by sex and prefer to just engage in tickling versus also having sex. I wasn't referring to fetishists of all kind. I like being tickled, but I would be very frustrated if the fun began and ended with just that.

 

[Zipddoo]

I can see your point from the stance where a fetish can overide any "real" sexual desires where someone only craves their fetish and does not satisfy their partners needs. Yes ,that can be a problem. Although, I love sex, so to me and many like me, fetishes only add to us and take away nothing.

:cry

I understand the dictionary definition of fetish, but really isn't everything? If it is romance with candles, lighting, and wine, couldn't that be a type of fetish the same way tickling or bondage is. I personally think we all have our "Fantasies/Fetishes". If this is the only gratification you get, then I think it would be a very lonely way to live. Variety is certainly out the window and variety is the spice of life. As much as I enjoy tickling, it is not sex, it can be as simple as a fun form of play or vengeance, or as erotic as another form of foreplay. I also agree that it is selfish and very narrow minded, but this person may end up suffering more than their partner. I couldn't imagine going through life, chained to the thought of doing it missionaly style, with the lights out, and only between 10:00 and 10:15 PM.

 

[tklmaestro]

Very good point, zipddoo

 

[MistressValerie1]

This article on "Sexual Aversion Disorder" might be of interest: http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/sexual-aversion-disorder

 

[morgandee]

they made a disorder for it? psychology is making new leaps and bounds to make people less adaptable to the environment and life

 

[Darth Vegeta]

If it gets that far you have a problem i'm afraid
Some people might not like me saying it. After all i'm an evil fascist but it's not healthy. I have a ticklefetish (duh) and one for feet. It's a turn-on but if it's allconsuming and a normal sexdrive/desire to have intercourse normally is overshadowed by one or more fetishes... you have a problem in my book.
To me fetishes are in itself not a problem but like the natural love for certain female 'assets' they are a way of nature to get us into 'action'. If you turn things around, something is amiss in my eyes. And it'll probably be problematic to have a healthy relationship usually.

To me my kinks are like an adult rp. They spice things up, allow easier seduction (of myself) or get me 'worked up'. But it shouldn't end there. A kink to me is part of foreplay, part of the 'road' to take to other steps.

 

[Budweiserbob!]

Funnily enough, when I were a wee lad... I was kinda like those people. You know, turned off by the idea of sex and preferring to tickle. This was when I was about 16 years old, well after the point that I realised my "fetish", so I started to feel even more "different"/feel like even more of an "outcast".

BUT

That's when I found myself in my first relationship, with my wife-to-be. As our relationship strengthened and our feelings became more intimate, this perception began to change and I then desired to have sex instead of just tickling. And then... one thing led to another... and... yeah. 😉

So my belief is that, until these people experience a "real" relationship with someone they feel physically and emotionally attracted to, they'll always feel like that. 18 years ago I would have felt how they feel now but nowadays I would be more willing for sex than just tickle foreplay.

Then again, to each their own I guess. ^^

 

[kopfhorer1]

My foot-fetishism is by no means my only means of sexual expression. It's been an enhancement to sex that I have with another person or myself. I fully expected to be rejected by my girlfriends for having it, but just the opposite occurred, they were all down with it (crosses fingers that my next girlfriend will also be down with it!).

In any case, this has been a very interesting discussion so far!

 

[Duke Diablo]

Well, if they don't care for real sex, that probably means they built their sexuality over their fetish, letting it be the only thing interesting to them, taking it as a replacement of sex, which is often considered 'dirty' by the society, a flawed point of view. Thus, when some of your normal functions and instincts (here being the one for reproduction) is being replaced with something else, you do have a problem.

 

[master_d_68]

I used to suffer from that problem. I love a girl's breasts, legs etc. but it used to be incredibly difficult for me to perform without the tickling stimuli, felt like being in hell sometimes. Yet, I discovered something as simple as a quick tickle of a sole, or a toesuck into toe nibble will spark it enough to ensure my female partners have a good time. And some of them, if it's light, actually like having their soles stroked.

 

[Slaver123]

I think "Annie Hall" is freaked out by my post...

just skimmed the "Sexual Aversion Disorder" article; it's a possibility, I may have some form of it. It's one thing to be bored with missionary vanilla intercourse, or to have unimaginative or dispassionate partners; it's another to be repulsed by normal mating...

In the case of an early ex of mine, she had a specific fetish that turned me off... I was squeamish about her fetish... and nothing else would work for her.

What I was getting at was more along the lines of, you can achieve immense satisfaction for extended periods of time by other means. Stephen King put it best in the last "Dark Tower" book, a story is more than its ending just as sex is more than the squirt at the end (paraphrasing, don't have the book in front of me)
Sex is much more...or should be.....it should be more than flesh, more than bodies, it should be transcendent (and it should certainly last longer than Al Bundy's 2 minutes)

"Innovative, bordering on avant-garde" (to misquote the TV show "Torchwood")

 

[chicag0]

I think "Annie Hall" is freaked out by my post...

I actually haven't read any other post in this thread save for the first one and those that replied to my own, "Slaver". At any rate, I'm not easily freaked out.