For folks who have trouble keeping things on topic:

[BrightEyes1082]

I'm sure many of you have seen how a fellow TMF'ers plea
for support from the community has dissolved into nothing
more than off-topic belittling, arguing, and mayhem. I have
a couple of things to say, and so I'm posting a new thread
about it. Because, hey, my opinions about the derailers are
not appropriate for that thread.

I have been through a messy divorce myself and even though I don`t know knot, my opinion should be of value. There`s been some very good advice given here. No one has "judged him" as you say. If knot wanted to keep this private then he should have simply pm`ed his friends. I really resent you and others telling me what should and shouldn`t be posted. You`re dead wrong.

For more information on staying on topic, see this link:
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=131568
And I really resent you always crying "clique" anytime you
think one of your fellow martyrs are being ganged up on.
I could post numerous examples of you getting all bent out
of shape about whatever, and then calling people who are
close-knit friends, many of whom have met in person, but
not all, but the clique thing is a whole other topic. (and what
did we just learn about that? New thread!)

I've been through a nasty divorce myself, and it was just
finalized less than three weeks ago. That doesn't make me
an expert on other people's lives. And even if it did, my point
here is that this thread was not seeking people's opinions! It
was seeking support! How can you say you're sick of me telling
you what you can and can't post, and you're sitting there telling
me that someone has no business posting his personal business
here, unless they want to tolerate you spouting off?

No, what we’ve got here are too many ensigns on the thread steering committee.

Are you suggesting that dvnc was out of line for offering some conjecture & analysis with his message of support? Sometimes offering sound advice, sharing similar experiences, and constructive criticism coincide with a support system. As the moderator suggested, a diversity of thought does not an off topic post make.

And I support you Knot …

I'm suggesting that criticism here is inappropriate. Unless you see
where the OP said "need advice," his decision was made, and he
didn't ask for the general public's opinion, regardless of how much
you or anyone else thinks he did.

 

[..Glamorous..]

I agree with everything you have said.

 

[SantaFeSwitch]

Yes, I agree. The guy was asking for support folks. If he wanted second-guessing and criticism he could have gotten that from his wife.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

ILY so hard right now Amanda

 

[Mister Scruff]

and he
didn't ask for the general public's opinion, regardless of how much
you or anyone else thinks he did.

That's the problem with posting contentious and/ or evocative stuff on an open forum, though; you might not ask for opinions, but be sure you're going to get them.

I for one don't think there are "cliques" here. What I do think is that some people seem to forget sometimes that this is a public forum rather than a sounding board or a circle-jerk composed of their group of friends. People have the exact same misconception about the internet in general; they think that only their friends or people they know are going to see the stuff they post, so they post whatever the fuck. That rarely ends well because not everyone who can't say anything nice will say nothing, and when you're dealing with something as emotionally charged as the potential break-up of a family then tempers are going to get frayed.

The answer is for people to either exercise circumspection when they're deciding what they post in public forums, or to be prepared to deal with responses they might not have wanted. I fall firmly into the latter category. The way I see it people are free to say whatever they like about anything I post, and if I'm not expecting them to censor themselves then why should I?

 

[RobAce]

I posted a suggestion in the suggestions sub-forum that we should make the Celebrations Subforum into a Celebration and Support sub-forum.
That way if it is under the main heading of General Discussion, it can and probably will be discussed...if it is in the Celebration & Support (if they so deem it) then it is understood in that area there is no discussion.

I understand where you are coming from Mondy, but there general rule is that this main area is "This forum is specifically here for discussion of any matters or topics that are NOT tickling related."

It says discussion. Straying off topic to me (not putting words into Myriad's intent on that rule) is that if someone posts about "Support for my broken tricycle" people should not post "Hey, here is a great recipe for homemade lasagna" or post silly pictures and fellow posters start flirting which each other. Asking "How did your tricycle break, or hey I can help fix it, or even why don't you just fix the tricycle" in my opinion is not going off topic.

In fact would not asking people not post their opinions in a thread in itself be a violation of that rule? Its more off topic than putting in your opinion (unwanted or otherwise) into a thread?

Go check out this thread...and discuss it, I do not want to stray your thread off-topic but thought perhaps we can all as adults come to a reasonable conclusion.
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?p=2289755#post2289755

I personally think we are all making too much out of this issue.

Rob

 

[Cif]

That's the problem with posting contentious and/ or evocative stuff on an open forum, though; you might not ask for opinions, but be sure you're going to get them.

I for one don't think there are "cliques" here. What I do think is that some people seem to forget sometimes that this is a public forum rather than a sounding board or a circle-jerk composed of their group of friends.

This is the most valid thing posted in this thread. It is human nature to act in the way that people do in that thread and hundreds of other threads across the internet forum society.

 

[TonyInMyThroat]

ILY so hard right now Rob

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

I agree with Amanda. Stay on topic.
Most of the people who derailed in Knot's post don't even know him .. and I found that really sad. 🙁

 

[Cif]

I agree with Amanda. Stay on topic.
Most of the people who derailed in Knot's post don't even know him .. and I found that really sad. 🙁

This is a community, not a clique, which I think was part of the original post. If you don't want to opinion and deliberation of people you do not know, do not make your life a public spectacle. It could have been offered purely to those who are your 'friends' or who 'know you.'

Discussing something around the subject is staying on topic, as much as just peppery somebody with what they want to hear. However, there are tough realities to being part of a faceless community and everybody has opinions. You're going to have to hear them.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

This is a community, not a clique, which I think was part of the original post. If you don't want to opinion and deliberation of people you do not know, do not make your life a public spectacle. It could have been offered purely to those who are your 'friends' or who 'know you.'

Discussing something around the subject is staying on topic, as much as just peppery somebody with what they want to hear. However, there are tough realities to being part of a faceless community and everybody has opinions. You're going to have to hear them.

Fabulous.

 

[Cif]

Fabulous.

Articulate and fulfilling response, cheers!

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

ILY so hard right now Rob

Very cute. 🙄

It's a simple question of the one's ability to follow the instructions laid out in the OP. Someone posts an issue, states he's made his choice, and asks for support and support only. For me, it's easy to draw a parallel between that and Myriad's weekly picture challenge threads. Those rules are simple. Post a picture of the chosen topic, and don't post a reply if you're not posting a picture. Plain and simple. People don't seem to struggle (too much) following those rules. People don't go on tangents about this picture or that picture or how a picture could have been made better. No, it's just an opportunity for people in the community to share with one another. Why should Knot's thread have been any different? Myr is the Tzar, I get that, but people shouldn't be listening to him just because he can ban them. They should be listening out of respect for what the OP is looking for, regardless of that person's ability to retaliate mod-style.

And I think it's very sad that people are saying that if he just wanted a cheerleading section he should have kept it private. This is a community, and we all make it up. There is no reason we shouldn't be able to come to one another for emotional support. I also find it VERY ironic that those SAME people are the ones who boo-hoo about cliques all the time. So let me see if I get this. There are cliques! Damn them all to hell! But whatever you do, ONLY talk to your friends. Don't try to include the community or potentially make new friends, unless you're prepared for the backlash that's inevitably going to come because people don't know how to JUST BE NICE.

Perhaps too much was expected out of some of the folks around here. Knot asked me if he should post that thread, and I said, "Yeah, totally. When Goth posted his thread about Sae, people were awesome. When I posted a thread back in March about something that happened to me, people were totally supportive. Sure you might get an asshole or two who have a snarky comment, but the overwhelming majority will be amazing. Trust me." I guess I assumed that for one day, or at least one thread, people could hold their tongues if they didn't have anything nice to say, or at least frame it in a supportive way. That was my mistake.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I posted a suggestion in the suggestions sub-forum that we should make the Celebrations Subforum into a Celebration and Support sub-forum.
That way if it is under the main heading of General Discussion, it can and probably will be discussed...if it is in the Celebration & Support (if they so deem it) then it is understood in that area there is no discussion.

I understand where you are coming from Mondy, but there general rule is that this main area is "This forum is specifically here for discussion of any matters or topics that are NOT tickling related."

It says discussion. Straying off topic to me (not putting words into Myriad's intent on that rule) is that if someone posts about "Support for my broken tricycle" people should not post "Hey, here is a great recipe for homemade lasagna" or post silly pictures and fellow posters start flirting which each other. Asking "How did your tricycle break, or hey I can help fix it, or even why don't you just fix the tricycle" in my opinion is not going off topic.

In fact would not asking people not post their opinions in a thread in itself be a violation of that rule? Its more off topic than putting in your opinion (unwanted or otherwise) into a thread?

Go check out this thread...and discuss it, I do not want to stray your thread off-topic but thought perhaps we can all as adults come to a reasonable conclusion.
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?p=2289755#post2289755

I personally think we are all making too much out of this issue.

Rob

Deciding to end a marriage is a hell of a lot different than a busted
bike. If you're going to compare, at least do it fairly. I agree with
you regarding the support forum. Not a bad idea. If you read the
thread Knot posted, you'll see the total derailment, where people
are picking apart one another's posts. That's unacceptable, and
uncalled for, regardless of how you want to twist around the GR.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Discussing something around the subject is staying on topic, as much as just peppery somebody with what they want to hear. However, there are tough realities to being part of a faceless community and everybody has opinions. You're going to have to hear them.

I understand this and I've been a big "preacher" before in threads about "ugh. it's a community, stfu people are going to say what they want."

I felt Jeff's thread on a more personal level and my irritation had stemmed from what had seemed like a budding flame war between two people partaking in that thread. That's where my frustration spawned and I shifted over with the other folks who were rooting for keeping it to what the OP desired. I've also been shunned out of a thread or two in the beginning because there was an age stamp on it (30's+, I believe). So that is also why I tend to hover between "sides".

I think though that the type of discussion that was built off of this thread wasn't really necessary and could have been moved to a new thread. I'm not saying that the discussion was utter ass and completely irrelevant, I don't think this is a matter of relevancy. It's that for at least THAT thread and the nature that it was, we should have just did our best to quell our "Epical Opinions" and/or moved the general discussion to a different thread.

We had another user not too long ago make a thread seeking support and that's exactly what we gave him. He also later came back and asked for advice and we did the same for that member as well. -- We seem to have a habit of picking and choosing which threads we feel fall into the "Support and no discussion" and "Support and discuss" areas. It also seems like we do the same thing with "THIS IS GENERAL DISCUSSION!!11"

Aside all that, I think Rob's idea for a "Support Area" is a good idea and one we should all lend an opinion towards.

Some areas are a little emotional for the folks posting them and instead of barreling into them because we all want to shout the loudest and because we all feel our opinion is Gospel, we should look at what the person is coming to US as a community for and go from there.

 

[Cif]

Deciding to end a marriage is a hell of a lot different than a busted
bike. If you're going to compare, at least do it fairly. I agree with
you regarding the support forum. Not a bad idea. If you read the
thread Knot posted, you'll see the total derailment, where people
are picking apart one another's posts. That's unacceptable, and
uncalled for, regardless of how you want to twist around the GR.

You can't start moderating everything and telling people what they can and cannot say and where they can or cannot say it, before it becomes a tyrannous system of control. I've said it before, its a PUBLIC forum, don't post if you don't want opinions. Its what our nature is made up of.

 

[TonyInMyThroat]

It's a simple question of the one's ability to follow the instructions laid out in the OP. Someone posts an issue, states he's made his choice, and asks for support and support only. For me, it's easy to draw a parallel between that and Myriad's weekly picture challenge threads. Those rules are simple. Post a picture of the chosen topic, and don't post a reply if you're not posting a picture. Plain and simple. People don't seem to struggle (too much) following those rules. People don't go on tangents about this picture or that picture or how a picture could have been made better. No, it's just an opportunity for people in the community to share with one another. Why should Knot's thread have been any different? Myr is the Tzar, I get that, but people shouldn't be listening to him just because he can ban them. They should be listening out of respect for what the OP is looking for, regardless of that person's ability to retaliate mod-style.

And I think it's very sad that people are saying that if he just wanted a cheerleading section he should have kept it private. This is a community, and we all make it up. There is no reason we shouldn't be able to come to one another for emotional support. I also find it VERY ironic that those SAME people are the ones who boo-hoo about cliques all the time. So let me see if I get this. There are cliques! Damn them all to hell! But whatever you do, ONLY talk to your friends. Don't try to include the community or potentially make new friends, unless you're prepared for the backlash that's inevitably going to come because people don't know how to JUST BE NICE.

Perhaps too much was expected out of some of the folks around here. Knot asked me if he should post that thread, and I said, "Yeah, totally. When Goth posted his thread about Sae, people were awesome. When I posted a thread back in March about something that happened to me, people were totally supportive. Sure you might get an asshole or two who have a snarky comment, but the overwhelming majority will be amazing. Trust me." I guess I assumed that for one day, or at least one thread, people could hold their tongues if they didn't have anything nice to say, or at least frame it in a supportive way. That was my mistake.

^ This ... NOT!

INGREDIENTS
1 (16 ounce) package lasagna noodles
1/2 pound ground pork
1/2 pound lean ground beef
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 cup minced onion
1/8 teaspoon white sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 pound small curd cottage cheese
3 eggs
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 pound shredded mozzarella cheese

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add noodles and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain and set aside.
2. Place pork and beef in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Stir in tomato sauce, crushed tomatoes, parsley, garlic, oregano, onion, sugar, basil and salt. Simmer over medium-low heat for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. In a large bowl, combine cottage cheese, eggs, Parmesan cheese, parsley, salt and pepper.
4. In a 9x13 inch baking dish, place 2 layers of noodles on the bottom of dish; layer 1/2 of the cheese mixture, 1/2 of the mozzarella cheese and 1/2 of the sauce; repeat layers.
5. Cover with aluminum foil and bake in preheated oven for 30 to 40 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 5 to 10 minutes; let stand for 10 minutes before cutting; serve.

^ This

Now you have something to complian about ...

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I understand this and I've been a big "preacher" before in threads about "ugh. it's a community, stfu people are going to say what they want."

I felt Jeff's thread on a more personal level and my irritation had stemmed from what had seemed like a budding flame war between two people partaking in that thread. That's where my frustration spawned and I shifted over with the other folks who were rooting for keeping it to what the OP desired. I've also been shunned out of a thread or two in the beginning because there was an age stamp on it (30's+, I believe). So that is also why I tend to hover between "sides".

I think though that the type of discussion that was built off of this thread wasn't really necessary and could have been moved to a new thread. I'm not saying that the discussion was utter ass and completely irrelevant, I don't think this is a matter of relevancy. It's that for at least THAT thread and the nature that it was, we should have just did our best to quell our "Epical Opinions" and/or moved the general discussion to a different thread.

We had another user not too long ago make a thread seeking support and that's exactly what we gave him. He also later came back and asked for advice and we did the same for that member as well. -- We seem to have a habit of picking and choosing which threads we feel fall into the "Support and no discussion" and "Support and discuss" areas. It also seems like we do the same thing with "THIS IS GENERAL DISCUSSION!!11"

Aside all that, I think Rob's idea for a "Support Area" is a good idea and one we should all lend an opinion towards.

Some areas are a little emotional for the folks posting them and instead of barreling into them because we all want to shout the loudest and because we all feel our opinion is Gospel, we should look at what the person is coming to US as a community for and go from there.

Very well said, heart.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Deciding to end a marriage is a hell of a lot different than a busted
bike. If you're going to compare, at least do it fairly. I agree with
you regarding the support forum. Not a bad idea. If you read the
thread Knot posted, you'll see the total derailment, where people
are picking apart one another's posts. That's unacceptable, and
uncalled for, regardless of how you want to twist around the GR.

You can't start moderating everything and telling people what they can and cannot say and where they can or cannot say it, before it becomes a tyrannous system of control. I've said it before, its a PUBLIC forum, don't post if you don't want opinions. Its what our nature is made up of.

LTSRLR: See, wait a second. -- This is what I was trying to explain in my last post about seeing what the OP is saying. Of course this is underlying, but Amanda has gone through a really shitty marriage and a rough divorce. So a topic like Jeff's may or may not bring up shit on her end and cause her to project that in a post.

Things people post here, whether in threads or posts stir up different things in each person reading them. That's why if the topic had been respected in of itself, I don't think things would be as "bent" as they are now.

 

[Cif]

LTSRLR: See, wait a second. -- This is what I was trying to explain in my last post about seeing what the OP is saying. Of course this is underlying, but Amanda has gone through a really shitty marriage and a rough divorce. So a topic like Jeff's may or may not bring up shit on her end and cause her to project that in a post.

Things people post here, whether in threads or posts stir up different things in each person reading them. That's why if the topic had been respected in of itself, I don't think things would be as "bent" as they are now.

Thats fair enough. I've given my opinion now, and I think this thread will continue to fuel itself for a while. The politics of the whole thing are a little too intense for me.

 

[Cif]

P.S, don't mean to offend anybody. I just don't agree with a lot of what people have said.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Now you have something to complian about ...

If this was a big to-do about a thread about baking or building or something other that isn't based off a lot of solid emotional intent, then I'd agree with you. But like I said, some people are emotionally invested into certain things that they say or read and that should at least be taken into consideration. If a bunch of people are shouting "support only!" and the others are shouting "but I've got an opinion!" then there needs to be at least a little give and take.

Create a new thread about the discussion and keep the support where it was desired/requested, and so on and so forth.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Deciding to end a marriage is a hell of a lot different than a busted
bike. If you're going to compare, at least do it fairly. I agree with
you regarding the support forum. Not a bad idea. If you read the
thread Knot posted, you'll see the total derailment, where people
are picking apart one another's posts. That's unacceptable, and
uncalled for, regardless of how you want to twist around the GR.

Well, one of my bikes is broken, I'm pretty fucking pissed about it and it costs me alot of money. Sums up divorce pretty well I'd say 😀

😉

 

[Mephistopheles]

If this was a big to-do about a thread about baking or building or something other that isn't based off a lot of solid emotional intent, then I'd agree with you. But like I said, some people are emotionally invested into certain things that they say or read and that should at least be taken into consideration. If a bunch of people are shouting "support only!" and the others are shouting "but I've got an opinion!" then there needs to be at least a little give and take.

Create a new thread about the discussion and keep the support where it was desired/requested, and so on and so forth.

I think this thread marks the birth of a new clique I have just formed. Details will follow later.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I think this thread marks the birth of a new clique I have just formed. Details will follow later.

STFU!