Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Mary Shelly wrote Frankenstein in 1818. It's not known if he ever wrote back.
My wife and I had a terrible fight last night... it ended with her coming to me on her knees. Last damn time I try to hide under the house...
Santa chose a pretty little doe to mate with Rudolph. He figured she'd give him the best bang for his buck.
A bizarre murder occurred in our town; the lead investigator is looking for a man with one eye. I don't think he's taking this case seriously. Otherwise, he'd be using both eyes.
What exactly is the novel coronavirus? Well, it's a long story...
From what I hear, the English have to get specially dressed to attend tea parties. That's enlightening; I never before knew how the tea shirt got started.
Q: What's the difference between eggs and sex?
A: You can beat an egg.
My new girlfriend may be too high strung. She asked me when my birthday was, so I told her: March 1st. Next thing I know, she goes storming off!
Any random woman has a cleaner mind than a man does. That's natural, considering how often she changes it.
I've got an internet friend who drives a taxi in the Big Ben area of London. Conscientious guy... he works around the clock.
Coach: "Men, I want you to play today like you've never played before!"
Player: "Can I go home, then? That's what I'd do if I never played before."
I gave my wife a gift of great sentimental value: a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I hope she doesn't look at it too closely... the imprinting reads "Do not resuscitate".
A cannibal employee got fired from his job. He was a hard worker, but apparently too obsequious... he'd been spotted several times buttering up his superiors.
I just saw this really terrifying sci-fi flick about a mud monster. The film was so engrossing, I soiled myself.
Batman and the Scarecrow ran for mayor of Gotham City. Batman won; voters were turned off by his opponent's strawman arguments.
Q: How do police dogs receive hazard pay?
A: Under the table.
Elon Musk may want to rethink his advertising: "Tesla Model S... it's a trailblazer!"
I stormed out of an Italian restaurant when I found bugs in my food! Damn it, I assumed "anty pasto" was a misprint!
He: "These sautéed mushrooms are delicious! Where did you get the recipe?"
She: "I found it in an old Agatha Christie novel."
I thought it would impress my girlfriend if I bragged how rich my elderly uncle is. And I guess it worked... they just got married.
Anyone know how to charge up this gallon of milk? The readout on the carton says only 1%!
2020 was a horrible year. It never should have been allowed to happen... Time Square really dropped the ball on that one.
* * *
My wife and I had a terrible fight last night... it ended with her coming to me on her knees. Last damn time I try to hide under the house...
* * *
Santa chose a pretty little doe to mate with Rudolph. He figured she'd give him the best bang for his buck.
* * *
A bizarre murder occurred in our town; the lead investigator is looking for a man with one eye. I don't think he's taking this case seriously. Otherwise, he'd be using both eyes.
* * *
What exactly is the novel coronavirus? Well, it's a long story...
* * *
From what I hear, the English have to get specially dressed to attend tea parties. That's enlightening; I never before knew how the tea shirt got started.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between eggs and sex?
A: You can beat an egg.
* * *
My new girlfriend may be too high strung. She asked me when my birthday was, so I told her: March 1st. Next thing I know, she goes storming off!
* * *
Any random woman has a cleaner mind than a man does. That's natural, considering how often she changes it.
* * *
I've got an internet friend who drives a taxi in the Big Ben area of London. Conscientious guy... he works around the clock.
* * *
Coach: "Men, I want you to play today like you've never played before!"
Player: "Can I go home, then? That's what I'd do if I never played before."
* * *
I gave my wife a gift of great sentimental value: a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I hope she doesn't look at it too closely... the imprinting reads "Do not resuscitate".
* * *
A cannibal employee got fired from his job. He was a hard worker, but apparently too obsequious... he'd been spotted several times buttering up his superiors.
* * *
I just saw this really terrifying sci-fi flick about a mud monster. The film was so engrossing, I soiled myself.
* * *
Batman and the Scarecrow ran for mayor of Gotham City. Batman won; voters were turned off by his opponent's strawman arguments.
* * *
Q: How do police dogs receive hazard pay?
A: Under the table.
* * *
Elon Musk may want to rethink his advertising: "Tesla Model S... it's a trailblazer!"
* * *
I stormed out of an Italian restaurant when I found bugs in my food! Damn it, I assumed "anty pasto" was a misprint!
* * *
He: "These sautéed mushrooms are delicious! Where did you get the recipe?"
She: "I found it in an old Agatha Christie novel."
* * *
I thought it would impress my girlfriend if I bragged how rich my elderly uncle is. And I guess it worked... they just got married.
* * *
Anyone know how to charge up this gallon of milk? The readout on the carton says only 1%!
* * *
2020 was a horrible year. It never should have been allowed to happen... Time Square really dropped the ball on that one.
