Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Friday night nyuks (1-13-17).
Hitler was terrible at golf. He spent most of his time in the bunker.
Supermarket clerk: Let's see now... large bag of Doritos... single serving pizza... six pack of beer... say, you aren't married, are you?
Customer: How could you tell?
Clerk: You're so damned ugly.
I know a guy who dyes his hair red. He's trans-ginger.
"Hey, Dude. My drug stash is missing."
"We got bigger problems than that! There's a dragon in the kitchen!"
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Pupil: I dunno. Our TV only gets American stations.
It's white and it's falling once again from the clouds. Must be the second coming.
My uncle had the bad luck to mistake a dead seabird for a sausage. He took a tern for the wurst.
Out in the middle nowhere, I came across a shrub made entirely of bacon. It looked enticing, but I kept my distance... I feared it was a hambush.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Deport him, and you won't have to feed him at all.
I go into a sporting goods store to buy a bicycle pump.
"10 dollars, please," the clerk states.
"10 dollars?!" I holler. "They used to be 5!"
The clerk shrugs his shoulders.
"That's inflation for you!"
It may rain today or it may not. It's still up in the air.
My brother told me I tend to overreact. His funeral's on Thursday.
Gays are so selfish! Do they really have to use all the colors?
Ever get the urge to run around naked? Just drink some Windex; it prevents streaking.
I used to work as a donut inspector. I'd stare at the damned things so long, my eyes became glazed.
While visiting a distillery, a man drowned in a vat of bourbon. Though dead, he's reported to be in good spirits.
All a woman wants is a man who's handsome, caring and sensitive. Unfortunately, those guys already have boyfriends.
My coworkers keep sending me messages on graph paper. I suspect they're plotting something.
DEA agents have invaded Jamaica. They've already taken the high ground.
Green grape, to purple grape: "Breathe, man! For God's sake, breathe!"
In the early 20th Century, the Soviet Union was Russian. That didn't keep it from Stalin.
While he's checking his weight on the bathroom scale, a wife notices her husband sucking in his gut.
"You know," she teases, "that doesn't do a bit of good!"
"Yes it does," hubby sighs, "I can see the numbers now."
Hitler was terrible at golf. He spent most of his time in the bunker.
* * *
Supermarket clerk: Let's see now... large bag of Doritos... single serving pizza... six pack of beer... say, you aren't married, are you?
Customer: How could you tell?
Clerk: You're so damned ugly.
* * *
I know a guy who dyes his hair red. He's trans-ginger.
* * *
"Hey, Dude. My drug stash is missing."
"We got bigger problems than that! There's a dragon in the kitchen!"
* * *
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Pupil: I dunno. Our TV only gets American stations.
* * *
It's white and it's falling once again from the clouds. Must be the second coming.
* * *
My uncle had the bad luck to mistake a dead seabird for a sausage. He took a tern for the wurst.
* * *
Out in the middle nowhere, I came across a shrub made entirely of bacon. It looked enticing, but I kept my distance... I feared it was a hambush.
* * *
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Deport him, and you won't have to feed him at all.
* * *
I go into a sporting goods store to buy a bicycle pump.
"10 dollars, please," the clerk states.
"10 dollars?!" I holler. "They used to be 5!"
The clerk shrugs his shoulders.
"That's inflation for you!"
* * *
It may rain today or it may not. It's still up in the air.
* * *
My brother told me I tend to overreact. His funeral's on Thursday.
* * *
Gays are so selfish! Do they really have to use all the colors?
* * *
Ever get the urge to run around naked? Just drink some Windex; it prevents streaking.
* * *
I used to work as a donut inspector. I'd stare at the damned things so long, my eyes became glazed.
* * *
While visiting a distillery, a man drowned in a vat of bourbon. Though dead, he's reported to be in good spirits.
* * *
All a woman wants is a man who's handsome, caring and sensitive. Unfortunately, those guys already have boyfriends.
* * *
My coworkers keep sending me messages on graph paper. I suspect they're plotting something.
* * *
DEA agents have invaded Jamaica. They've already taken the high ground.
* * *
Green grape, to purple grape: "Breathe, man! For God's sake, breathe!"
* * *
In the early 20th Century, the Soviet Union was Russian. That didn't keep it from Stalin.
* * *
While he's checking his weight on the bathroom scale, a wife notices her husband sucking in his gut.
"You know," she teases, "that doesn't do a bit of good!"
"Yes it does," hubby sighs, "I can see the numbers now."
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