Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife told me I better get into fitness. Sounds good to me; I'm gonna start by fitness whole sandwich into my mouth.
Brunette: "It's true that you see a lightening flash well before you hear the thunder."
Blonde: "Of course you do! Your eyes are in front of your ears, you know!"
A dyslexic cop apprehended me yesterday. He stopped me with his nuts gun.
Allan-a-Dale was the richest member of Robin Hoods merry men. That's because he was expert at luting.
My girlfriend thinks its silly to wear glasses just to improve your looks. What a dumb notion! I can't look at anything without mine!
After a bad crash, Lightning McQueen almost died. In fact, he had an auto-body experience.
Everyone in my family says I'm fat. I choose not to look at it that way; I consider myself well rounded.
Q: Why is the Leaning Tower in Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had quicker reflexes than the Twin Towers.
I cooked dinner in my underwear this evening. Last damn time I loan out my frying pan.
Hear about the cucumber that suddenly found it had become a pickle? It was a jarring experience.
Evidently there's a Creole dish made out of elephant meat. I just heard about it: jumbolaya.
Theseus asked King Minos how many minutes he'd need to make it through the Labyrinth. The kind told him it would only take a Minotaur two.
I just got fired for eating chips on the job. The casino owner says I ruined about a thousand dollars worth.
See the latest copy of the NFL Gameday Cookbook? Pittsburgh's contribution is turnovers: just Brown and serve.
I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk. Unfortunately, I never got the chants.
A blonde enters Party City to find number candles for he sister's twenty-first birthday cake. Imagine her disappointment to find they only went from 0 to 9.
The cops caught me doing donuts in a farmer's field. Fortunately, I had enough for everybody.
Once he was caught, the Frankenstein monster was denied bail. Authorities were certain he'd prove a fright risk.
I was a flat-earther for five straight year. At age six, however, I decided it was a dumb idea.
The director of our city's Natural History Museum is attempting to bolster flagging attendance by giving away rare dinosaur vertebrae. Patrons are takin' a back.
Rocket Racoon tried to improve Groot's mind by teaching him advanced mathematics. It didn't go very well; Groot wanted nothing to do with square roots.
At work, my boss calls me "The Computer". Not that I'm particularly knowledgeable or have strong recall; it's just that if I'm left unattended for 15 minutes, I go to sleep.
* * *
Brunette: "It's true that you see a lightening flash well before you hear the thunder."
Blonde: "Of course you do! Your eyes are in front of your ears, you know!"
* * *
A dyslexic cop apprehended me yesterday. He stopped me with his nuts gun.
* * *
Allan-a-Dale was the richest member of Robin Hoods merry men. That's because he was expert at luting.
* * *
My girlfriend thinks its silly to wear glasses just to improve your looks. What a dumb notion! I can't look at anything without mine!
* * *
After a bad crash, Lightning McQueen almost died. In fact, he had an auto-body experience.
* * *
Everyone in my family says I'm fat. I choose not to look at it that way; I consider myself well rounded.
* * *
Q: Why is the Leaning Tower in Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had quicker reflexes than the Twin Towers.
* * *
I cooked dinner in my underwear this evening. Last damn time I loan out my frying pan.
* * *
Hear about the cucumber that suddenly found it had become a pickle? It was a jarring experience.
* * *
Evidently there's a Creole dish made out of elephant meat. I just heard about it: jumbolaya.
* * *
Theseus asked King Minos how many minutes he'd need to make it through the Labyrinth. The kind told him it would only take a Minotaur two.
* * *
I just got fired for eating chips on the job. The casino owner says I ruined about a thousand dollars worth.
* * *
See the latest copy of the NFL Gameday Cookbook? Pittsburgh's contribution is turnovers: just Brown and serve.
* * *
I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk. Unfortunately, I never got the chants.
* * *
A blonde enters Party City to find number candles for he sister's twenty-first birthday cake. Imagine her disappointment to find they only went from 0 to 9.
* * *
The cops caught me doing donuts in a farmer's field. Fortunately, I had enough for everybody.
* * *
Once he was caught, the Frankenstein monster was denied bail. Authorities were certain he'd prove a fright risk.
* * *
I was a flat-earther for five straight year. At age six, however, I decided it was a dumb idea.
* * *
The director of our city's Natural History Museum is attempting to bolster flagging attendance by giving away rare dinosaur vertebrae. Patrons are takin' a back.
* * *
Rocket Racoon tried to improve Groot's mind by teaching him advanced mathematics. It didn't go very well; Groot wanted nothing to do with square roots.
* * *
At work, my boss calls me "The Computer". Not that I'm particularly knowledgeable or have strong recall; it's just that if I'm left unattended for 15 minutes, I go to sleep.
