Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Donald Duck?
One quacks, the other tweets.
I was trying to think of the common name for H2SO4... had it right on the tip of my tongue. Unfortunately, my tongue is gone now.
In Soviet space, everyone can be heard to scream. But some are heard to scream more equally than others.
Son: “Dad, can I have a pet rabbit?”
Dad: “I don’t think so, boy. The last time we had a rabbit in the house, it died. Bad things happen when rabbits die.”
Son: “Bad things? Is that really true, Dad?”
Dad: “Well, you showed up, didn’t you?”
Campbell’s has come up with a new font for alphabet soup. It’s Times New Ramen.
My girlfriend wants to have sex on a bed of pasta noodles. I think she has a fetishine.
With all this talk of Asians eating dogs, you might not think they have much regard for what we in the western world consider to be a beloved pet. But that isn’t true at all; Asians really love their dogs. They wok them faithfully.
Two alien invaders have adopted human disguise and taken up residence in the city. They know all about our physical form, but are totally unfamiliar with our thinking and customs. They’ve read that humans eat dogs, so to fit in they decide they better start doing the same. They therefore trot down to the nearest hotdog stand and place an order. Once their food arrives, they undo the wrappings and examine their meal.
“So,” says the first, after having a long look at the contents of the bun, “... which part did you get?”
Hot dogs don’t look like regular dogs. Must be ‘cause they’re inbred.
Indian fruit trees are a great source for laxatives. They reliably make a mango.
In order to fully trust the light, you need to pass it through a prism. That’s when it shows its true colors.
Disney now has Marvel, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, all their original Disney product and The Simpsons. If they somehow manage to acquire my divorced parents, they’ll own my whole childhood.
Hitting clickbait is like touching a live wire. What happens next will shock you.
The Hunger Games was a big hit in France. Of course, there it was called Battle Royale with Cheese.
We decided on home birth for our first son, but at the last second the woman hired to assist us had to cancel. We went through a midwife crisis.
Canada would like to to impose its culture on the whole world. If that ever happens, we’ll all be sorry.
A Scotsman, having lived a life of isolation in the highlands, inherited a fortune from his uncle. But to collect, he had to travel to Canada, where the old man had gone to retire. After arriving at his uncle’s estate, he glanced out the window and happened to spy a huge shaggy animal with antlers.
“What be that?” he asked his uncle’s lawyer.
“That?” replied the attorney. “Why that there’s a Canadian moose.”
“A moose?!” cried the Scot in shock and alarm. “Good God, Man! Ha’e big’re Canadian rats!”
I’m not bad at lateral thinking. In fact, I’d like to make it my side job.
A single conjunction was struggling to move a heavy load. Then, several more showed up. Things became much easier after that: many ands make light work.
There must be something fundamentally flawed about the USA. Otherwise, why bother to create a USB?
My army job was cleaning latrines, but I couldn’t even do that right. I was court-martialed for dereliction of doody.
During evening meal...
Son: “Dad, I’ve read that in some countries bugs are considered delicacies. Are they really okay to eat?”
Dad: “Boy, foreigners are stupid! Bugs are dirty, repulsive creatures! What a revolting question! The dinner table is a completely inappropriate place to bring up such a subject. Don’t mention it again... we’ll discuss it later.”
After evening meal...
Dad: “Okay, my son, what was it you wanted to know about bugs?”
Son: “Never mind, Dad. It’s too late now. The one that flew into your soup isn’t there anymore.”[/FONT]
One quacks, the other tweets.
* * *
I was trying to think of the common name for H2SO4... had it right on the tip of my tongue. Unfortunately, my tongue is gone now.
* * *
In Soviet space, everyone can be heard to scream. But some are heard to scream more equally than others.
* * *
Son: “Dad, can I have a pet rabbit?”
Dad: “I don’t think so, boy. The last time we had a rabbit in the house, it died. Bad things happen when rabbits die.”
Son: “Bad things? Is that really true, Dad?”
Dad: “Well, you showed up, didn’t you?”
* * *
Campbell’s has come up with a new font for alphabet soup. It’s Times New Ramen.
* * *
My girlfriend wants to have sex on a bed of pasta noodles. I think she has a fetishine.
* * *
With all this talk of Asians eating dogs, you might not think they have much regard for what we in the western world consider to be a beloved pet. But that isn’t true at all; Asians really love their dogs. They wok them faithfully.
* * *
Two alien invaders have adopted human disguise and taken up residence in the city. They know all about our physical form, but are totally unfamiliar with our thinking and customs. They’ve read that humans eat dogs, so to fit in they decide they better start doing the same. They therefore trot down to the nearest hotdog stand and place an order. Once their food arrives, they undo the wrappings and examine their meal.
“So,” says the first, after having a long look at the contents of the bun, “... which part did you get?”
* * *
Hot dogs don’t look like regular dogs. Must be ‘cause they’re inbred.
* * *
Indian fruit trees are a great source for laxatives. They reliably make a mango.
* * *
In order to fully trust the light, you need to pass it through a prism. That’s when it shows its true colors.
* * *
Disney now has Marvel, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, all their original Disney product and The Simpsons. If they somehow manage to acquire my divorced parents, they’ll own my whole childhood.
* * *
Hitting clickbait is like touching a live wire. What happens next will shock you.
* * *
The Hunger Games was a big hit in France. Of course, there it was called Battle Royale with Cheese.
* * *
We decided on home birth for our first son, but at the last second the woman hired to assist us had to cancel. We went through a midwife crisis.
* * *
Canada would like to to impose its culture on the whole world. If that ever happens, we’ll all be sorry.
* * *
A Scotsman, having lived a life of isolation in the highlands, inherited a fortune from his uncle. But to collect, he had to travel to Canada, where the old man had gone to retire. After arriving at his uncle’s estate, he glanced out the window and happened to spy a huge shaggy animal with antlers.
“What be that?” he asked his uncle’s lawyer.
“That?” replied the attorney. “Why that there’s a Canadian moose.”
“A moose?!” cried the Scot in shock and alarm. “Good God, Man! Ha’e big’re Canadian rats!”
* * *
I’m not bad at lateral thinking. In fact, I’d like to make it my side job.
* * *
A single conjunction was struggling to move a heavy load. Then, several more showed up. Things became much easier after that: many ands make light work.
* * *
There must be something fundamentally flawed about the USA. Otherwise, why bother to create a USB?
* * *
My army job was cleaning latrines, but I couldn’t even do that right. I was court-martialed for dereliction of doody.
* * *
During evening meal...
Son: “Dad, I’ve read that in some countries bugs are considered delicacies. Are they really okay to eat?”
Dad: “Boy, foreigners are stupid! Bugs are dirty, repulsive creatures! What a revolting question! The dinner table is a completely inappropriate place to bring up such a subject. Don’t mention it again... we’ll discuss it later.”
After evening meal...
Dad: “Okay, my son, what was it you wanted to know about bugs?”
Son: “Never mind, Dad. It’s too late now. The one that flew into your soup isn’t there anymore.”[/FONT]
