Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
(From Rdhd, with thanks!)
There's this brothel, and three gents. The first is approaching the brothel. The second is in it. The third has left. Based on this information, what are their nationalities?
The first, he's a Russian. The second, Himalayan. And the third, he's Finnish.
I bring my teacher an orange instead of an apple. It's appropriate, since I go to a navel academy.
Dating you is like being on Christmas vacation... no class.
I like cats; my wife is a dog person... which is terribly inconvenient during a full moon.
A blonde is having sex with her husband's best friend, when hubby phones in. The guilty man leaps out of bed in a panic and frantically starts throwing on his clothes.
"Relax!" the blonde soothes. "He just called to say he'll be home late. He's out bowling with you."
At a party, a stranger told my sister that her hair smelled wonderful. She was quite flattered until she turned around and found out he was a midget.
My only goal in life is to live forever. So far, so good!
There's an apartment building in town full of crazy guys who think they're Saviors. It's a messiah complex.
My coworker at the meat processing plant slipped and fell into the grinder. I was concerned, so I checked on him when he came out the other end; he's fine.
Husband: I just picked up a pack of Olympic condoms! How about I wear the gold tonight!
Wife: Wear the silver instead... come in second for a change.
Purple is my favorite color, hands down! I like it better than red and blue combined!
A Manx cat has written a book, but don't be too impressed. It's a very short tale.
I've had it with the History Channel! Nothing but repeats!
During the war, Gestapo chief Reinhard Heydrich bought himself a defective clock that would only go "tick, tick, tick". He put his entire staff on the repair job, but three hours later it still wouldn't work right.
"Schweinhund!" he bellowed. "We have ways of making you tock!"
I just watched a DVD of the movie "Carrrrs".
It was the Disney film "Cars", actually, but I'd bought a pirate copy.
One sagging breast to the other sagging breast: "If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts!"
Had a Close Encounter this morning; called my old lady "fat-ass" and suddenly flying saucers were everywhere!
Yeah, I've got a dead canary. You can bid on it if you want to, but it won't go cheap.
A new tenant moved into the apartment right below mine. The guy is arrogant, obnoxious and loud; damn, now I know how Canada feels!
Paleontologists have discovered a type of caveman who was always on the move. They're calling this new species Meanderthals.
I expect Trump's first term to go swimmingly! On top of everything else, I suspect he'll melt the ice caps!
My buddy's girlfriend got drunk at our frat party and started dancing on a table.
"Great legs!" I told him.
"You really think so?" he beamed.
"You bet! Any other table would have collapsed under all that weight!"
There's this brothel, and three gents. The first is approaching the brothel. The second is in it. The third has left. Based on this information, what are their nationalities?
The first, he's a Russian. The second, Himalayan. And the third, he's Finnish.
* * *
I bring my teacher an orange instead of an apple. It's appropriate, since I go to a navel academy.
* * *
Dating you is like being on Christmas vacation... no class.
* * *
I like cats; my wife is a dog person... which is terribly inconvenient during a full moon.
* * *
A blonde is having sex with her husband's best friend, when hubby phones in. The guilty man leaps out of bed in a panic and frantically starts throwing on his clothes.
"Relax!" the blonde soothes. "He just called to say he'll be home late. He's out bowling with you."
* * *
At a party, a stranger told my sister that her hair smelled wonderful. She was quite flattered until she turned around and found out he was a midget.
* * *
My only goal in life is to live forever. So far, so good!
* * *
There's an apartment building in town full of crazy guys who think they're Saviors. It's a messiah complex.
* * *
My coworker at the meat processing plant slipped and fell into the grinder. I was concerned, so I checked on him when he came out the other end; he's fine.
* * *
Husband: I just picked up a pack of Olympic condoms! How about I wear the gold tonight!
Wife: Wear the silver instead... come in second for a change.
* * *
Purple is my favorite color, hands down! I like it better than red and blue combined!
* * *
A Manx cat has written a book, but don't be too impressed. It's a very short tale.
* * *
I've had it with the History Channel! Nothing but repeats!
* * *
During the war, Gestapo chief Reinhard Heydrich bought himself a defective clock that would only go "tick, tick, tick". He put his entire staff on the repair job, but three hours later it still wouldn't work right.
"Schweinhund!" he bellowed. "We have ways of making you tock!"
* * *
I just watched a DVD of the movie "Carrrrs".
It was the Disney film "Cars", actually, but I'd bought a pirate copy.
* * *
One sagging breast to the other sagging breast: "If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts!"
* * *
Had a Close Encounter this morning; called my old lady "fat-ass" and suddenly flying saucers were everywhere!
* * *
Yeah, I've got a dead canary. You can bid on it if you want to, but it won't go cheap.
* * *
A new tenant moved into the apartment right below mine. The guy is arrogant, obnoxious and loud; damn, now I know how Canada feels!
* * *
Paleontologists have discovered a type of caveman who was always on the move. They're calling this new species Meanderthals.
* * *
I expect Trump's first term to go swimmingly! On top of everything else, I suspect he'll melt the ice caps!
* * *
My buddy's girlfriend got drunk at our frat party and started dancing on a table.
"Great legs!" I told him.
"You really think so?" he beamed.
"You bet! Any other table would have collapsed under all that weight!"
