Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
After scolding Donald Trump for it, turns out President Biden also stashes sensitive documents insecurely. He says he takes classified documents seriously, and I believe him. He takes classified documents! Seriously!
Blonde: "I found a lump last night! The same thing happened to a cousin of mine... do you think I'll need to have my breast removed?"
Brunette: "Whoa, not so fast! You should have it examined by a doctor first."
Blonde: "Can I give him a sample or will he need the whole bowl of mashed potatoes?"
I forgot to take my phone with me this morning and had to borrow my best buddy's to call my girlfriend. Soon as she picks up, she chirps, "What's up, lover?" That gal's a treasure! Knows it's me even when I'm using someone else's number!
Hercules received his education from Chiron, the wise centaur. The mighty demigod was so pleased, he built his mentor a sturdy trireme so that he could sail across the Mediterranean to spread his teachings. Before that, the Greek people valued Chiron for his great wealth of knowledge; afterward, they also admired his horsemanship.
My fiancée and I were kidnapped by rebels during our South America trip and locked up in a cell. Fortunately, I was able to pry a bar from the window, which allowed us to escape. After all that drama, she refuses to see me; she says she wants nothing to do with me after I broke our encagement.
It's impossible to read the dictionary in one sitting. Sometime after the midpoint, you're going to get up to P.
My brother just got a job at the Soylent Green factory. He's very eager to start; I understand they have a super efficient Human Resources department.
She: "I can't believe it! You've been seeing prostitutes!"
He: "Can you blame me? I sure the hell ain't gettin' nothin' from you!"
She: "You never told me you were willing to pay for it!"
My wife and I have spent so much time arguing, I become sick to my stomach at the very sound of her voice. How do I know she feels the same way? We disgust it.
The 10th Century Danish King Harald "Bluetooth" Gormsson was married three times and had four children. It's the first known instance of Bluetooth pairing successfully.
Green has always been my favorite color! I like it better than blue and yellow combined!
After nearly getting away with her deception, Mrs. Doubtfire was caught and arrested. The charge: male fraud.
My sister says she was pasting a love letter into her diary when she accidently glued her hand to the page. That's her story and she's sticking to it.
Q: After meeting with God on the desert mountain of Horeb, Moses was parched. God saw this and offered him a beer as refreshment. Which brand was it?
A: Busch Light.
Last Sunday, my son spiked the church's holy water with laxatives. He wanted to start a religious movement.
The cow whisperer claims that talking to diary cattle can increase milk production: in one ear and out the udder.
Back when I was 20 years old, I'd scale a ladder without any fear of falling. Now that I'm in my my 60s, I don't dare take the chance. It's just another example of daily life being ruined by climb-it change.
Q: Who wins when a pair of Siamese twins race?
A: Its a Thai.
I splurged yesterday and bought a new mop. I had to if I wanted to clean up all the splurge.
Q: How did Noah know for sure there were only two honey bees onboard the ark?
A: He checked the ark hives.
Last night, my wife looked at me with unbridled lust. Guess she must have gotten over her bondage fetish.
A blond girl rushes home from school in a state of great excitement.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she squeals with delight, holding up her fingers, "Today I was able to count up to 10! The rest of the kindergarten class could only count to 5! Teacher says it's because I'm blond. Is it because I'm blond, Mommy?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother. "It's because you're blond."
The next day, the girl returns home even more excited.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she crows, pointing to her chest. "Today I learned that 1 and 1 equals 2! The rest of the class couldn't do that! Is it because I'm blond, Mommy?"
"Partly," returns her mother. "But mostly it's because you're 20 years old."
* * *
Blonde: "I found a lump last night! The same thing happened to a cousin of mine... do you think I'll need to have my breast removed?"
Brunette: "Whoa, not so fast! You should have it examined by a doctor first."
Blonde: "Can I give him a sample or will he need the whole bowl of mashed potatoes?"
* * *
I forgot to take my phone with me this morning and had to borrow my best buddy's to call my girlfriend. Soon as she picks up, she chirps, "What's up, lover?" That gal's a treasure! Knows it's me even when I'm using someone else's number!
* * *
Hercules received his education from Chiron, the wise centaur. The mighty demigod was so pleased, he built his mentor a sturdy trireme so that he could sail across the Mediterranean to spread his teachings. Before that, the Greek people valued Chiron for his great wealth of knowledge; afterward, they also admired his horsemanship.
* * *
My fiancée and I were kidnapped by rebels during our South America trip and locked up in a cell. Fortunately, I was able to pry a bar from the window, which allowed us to escape. After all that drama, she refuses to see me; she says she wants nothing to do with me after I broke our encagement.
* * *
It's impossible to read the dictionary in one sitting. Sometime after the midpoint, you're going to get up to P.
* * *
My brother just got a job at the Soylent Green factory. He's very eager to start; I understand they have a super efficient Human Resources department.
* * *
She: "I can't believe it! You've been seeing prostitutes!"
He: "Can you blame me? I sure the hell ain't gettin' nothin' from you!"
She: "You never told me you were willing to pay for it!"
* * *
My wife and I have spent so much time arguing, I become sick to my stomach at the very sound of her voice. How do I know she feels the same way? We disgust it.
* * *
The 10th Century Danish King Harald "Bluetooth" Gormsson was married three times and had four children. It's the first known instance of Bluetooth pairing successfully.
* * *
Green has always been my favorite color! I like it better than blue and yellow combined!
* * *
After nearly getting away with her deception, Mrs. Doubtfire was caught and arrested. The charge: male fraud.
* * *
My sister says she was pasting a love letter into her diary when she accidently glued her hand to the page. That's her story and she's sticking to it.
* * *
Q: After meeting with God on the desert mountain of Horeb, Moses was parched. God saw this and offered him a beer as refreshment. Which brand was it?
A: Busch Light.
* * *
Last Sunday, my son spiked the church's holy water with laxatives. He wanted to start a religious movement.
* * *
The cow whisperer claims that talking to diary cattle can increase milk production: in one ear and out the udder.
* * *
Back when I was 20 years old, I'd scale a ladder without any fear of falling. Now that I'm in my my 60s, I don't dare take the chance. It's just another example of daily life being ruined by climb-it change.
* * *
Q: Who wins when a pair of Siamese twins race?
A: Its a Thai.
* * *
I splurged yesterday and bought a new mop. I had to if I wanted to clean up all the splurge.
* * *
Q: How did Noah know for sure there were only two honey bees onboard the ark?
A: He checked the ark hives.
* * *
Last night, my wife looked at me with unbridled lust. Guess she must have gotten over her bondage fetish.
* * *
A blond girl rushes home from school in a state of great excitement.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she squeals with delight, holding up her fingers, "Today I was able to count up to 10! The rest of the kindergarten class could only count to 5! Teacher says it's because I'm blond. Is it because I'm blond, Mommy?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother. "It's because you're blond."
The next day, the girl returns home even more excited.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she crows, pointing to her chest. "Today I learned that 1 and 1 equals 2! The rest of the class couldn't do that! Is it because I'm blond, Mommy?"
"Partly," returns her mother. "But mostly it's because you're 20 years old."
