Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I just found out why the Tower of Pisa leans: it's Italicized.
Father: Explain this F you got in math!
Son: Well, the teacher asked how much 3 times 4 is. I told her 12.
Father: So? That's the right answer!
Son: Then she asked how much 4 times 3 is.
Father: What the fuck's the difference!
Son: That's what I said!
There's a group of itinerate desert people whose religion expressly discourages them from displaying anger. They're known as Nomads.
Before a cross country trip, I accidentally used Red Bull to brew my coffee instead of water. I was halfway to my destination before I realized I'd forgotten the car.
A group of monks is selling flowers outside the Playboy Mansion. Hef notices and calls the police to have them removed. As the holy men are being loaded into a squad car, one of the cops says, "Sorry about this, brothers. Think you'll have trouble setting up somewhere else?"
"I don't believe so," replies the head monk. "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
Hear about the guy who absolutely refuses to fart in public? He's a private tutor.
I went to Barnes and Noble to find a reference book on turtles.
"Hardback?" the clerk inquired.
"Exactly!" I relied. "Four stubby legs, too!"
Jeffrey Dahmer's no longer with us. He became completely fed up with humanity.
I don't know a single person who doesn't play videogames! Married folks, on the other hand, have actual lives.
A local baker uses weed in his apple pastries. Needless to say, he has a high turnover.
Sorry about this gross joke about sodomy between a nickel and a penny; it's my six cents of humor.
Can someone underage become a monk?
Yep, but only in the Benedict-teen Order.
Our next-door neighbor is half German; both of her parents are from Munich, but she was just bisected in a car crash.
Ringling Brothers Circus is closing down this year. It can't stand the competition, what with the world's biggest clown now in the White House.
I told one of the Transformers a funny joke... what a tragic mistake! There immediately followed vehicular man's laughter.
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me! I can't stop singing "What's New, Pussycat"!
Doctor: Hmmm... sounds like a classic case of Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome? I've never heard of it. Is it rare?
Doctor: Well, it's not unusual.
My brother's neighbor now owns a pet zebra. I've never met the woman, but I strongly suspect she's blonde... she named it Spot.
What did baby Bob Hope say after breast feeding?
Thanks for the mammaries!
The slave trade is now defunct. Too bad, 'cause I was eager to swop.
She: Do you smoke after sex?
He: God no! I'm not that fast!
I spent over an hour at my wife's grave this morning. Heh! She thinks I'm digging a fish pond!
A blonde buys a brand new car. She drives it to work in the morning, but when she tries to go home in the evening she can't get it to operate.
A garage mechanic looks the vehicle over and can't find anything wrong.
"You know how the shifter works, right?"
"Well of course!" she burbles. "It says right on the handle: 'D' for 'day', 'N' for 'night'!"
* * *
Father: Explain this F you got in math!
Son: Well, the teacher asked how much 3 times 4 is. I told her 12.
Father: So? That's the right answer!
Son: Then she asked how much 4 times 3 is.
Father: What the fuck's the difference!
Son: That's what I said!
* * *
There's a group of itinerate desert people whose religion expressly discourages them from displaying anger. They're known as Nomads.
* * *
Before a cross country trip, I accidentally used Red Bull to brew my coffee instead of water. I was halfway to my destination before I realized I'd forgotten the car.
* * *
A group of monks is selling flowers outside the Playboy Mansion. Hef notices and calls the police to have them removed. As the holy men are being loaded into a squad car, one of the cops says, "Sorry about this, brothers. Think you'll have trouble setting up somewhere else?"
"I don't believe so," replies the head monk. "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
* * *
Hear about the guy who absolutely refuses to fart in public? He's a private tutor.
* * *
I went to Barnes and Noble to find a reference book on turtles.
"Hardback?" the clerk inquired.
"Exactly!" I relied. "Four stubby legs, too!"
* * *
Jeffrey Dahmer's no longer with us. He became completely fed up with humanity.
* * *
I don't know a single person who doesn't play videogames! Married folks, on the other hand, have actual lives.
* * *
A local baker uses weed in his apple pastries. Needless to say, he has a high turnover.
* * *
Sorry about this gross joke about sodomy between a nickel and a penny; it's my six cents of humor.
* * *
Can someone underage become a monk?
Yep, but only in the Benedict-teen Order.
* * *
Our next-door neighbor is half German; both of her parents are from Munich, but she was just bisected in a car crash.
* * *
Ringling Brothers Circus is closing down this year. It can't stand the competition, what with the world's biggest clown now in the White House.
* * *
I told one of the Transformers a funny joke... what a tragic mistake! There immediately followed vehicular man's laughter.
* * *
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me! I can't stop singing "What's New, Pussycat"!
Doctor: Hmmm... sounds like a classic case of Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome? I've never heard of it. Is it rare?
Doctor: Well, it's not unusual.
* * *
My brother's neighbor now owns a pet zebra. I've never met the woman, but I strongly suspect she's blonde... she named it Spot.
* * *
What did baby Bob Hope say after breast feeding?
Thanks for the mammaries!
* * *
The slave trade is now defunct. Too bad, 'cause I was eager to swop.
* * *
She: Do you smoke after sex?
He: God no! I'm not that fast!
* * *
I spent over an hour at my wife's grave this morning. Heh! She thinks I'm digging a fish pond!
* * *
A blonde buys a brand new car. She drives it to work in the morning, but when she tries to go home in the evening she can't get it to operate.
A garage mechanic looks the vehicle over and can't find anything wrong.
"You know how the shifter works, right?"
"Well of course!" she burbles. "It says right on the handle: 'D' for 'day', 'N' for 'night'!"
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