Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I breed rabbits for a living. It's a hare-raising experience.
There's a new fast food joint that's rumored to use horse meat in its hamburgers. The flavor's okay, but you tend to get the trots.
My wife just told me, "See? I've always said that sex is better over the holidays!"
What an awful postcard to receive!
The Vatican has a strategy for dealing with another Golden Calf. It plans to release a papal bull.
I've never before seen a UFO. When alien spacecrafts pass overhead, I always know exactly what they are.
As a New Year's resolution, I've vowed not to eat any more fatty food. But I don't plan to eat any less, either.
Did you know that all condoms have serial numbers at the base?
Heh! You've probably never had to roll one down far enough!
My sister died over a bag of airplane peanuts. She couldn't open it to save her life.
Let's hear it for butter! It's on a roll!
I never had any intention of climbing up a really deadly peak like K2. Mt. Fuji seemed much less intimidating. But my brother warned me not to try it; he called it a slippery slope.
The Jews and the Boy Scouts... they both go to camp, but only the Boy Scouts come back.
I figured out a fool-proof way to drown blondes... paste a scratch-and-sniff sticker to the bottom of a swimming pool.
Li'l Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! I found a fake dollar bill in Daddy's wallet! Don't worry, though. I threw it away.
Mom: What? How did you know it was fake?
Li'l Johnny: There were a couple of extra zeros on it.
STD spread by Harry Potter: hogwarts.
My girlfriend's a feminist and she's turning me into one too. After watching her in the kitchen, I don't want her anywhere near it.
Librarian: This is the fifth text book you've ruined! What's with you!
Surgeon: Simple professional courtesy... I feel it wise always to remove the appendix.
The steel in the World Trade Center buildings was furious, and who can blame it! You can't go through all that stress and not lose your temper.
I thought I'd found a coffin full of baby ghosts, so I gave them a proper funeral. Turned out I'd buried a box of Kleenex.
A chicken coop has a front door and a back door. Only two... if it had any more, it'd be a chicken sedan.
My blonde neighbor died raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.
Official send-off for all southern sailboat racing: "Yawl come back now, y'hear!"
Why turn into a Muslim extremist on the off-chance of getting 72 virgins in heaven? Become a Catholic priest and claim 'em right now!
* * *
There's a new fast food joint that's rumored to use horse meat in its hamburgers. The flavor's okay, but you tend to get the trots.
* * *
My wife just told me, "See? I've always said that sex is better over the holidays!"
What an awful postcard to receive!
* * *
The Vatican has a strategy for dealing with another Golden Calf. It plans to release a papal bull.
* * *
I've never before seen a UFO. When alien spacecrafts pass overhead, I always know exactly what they are.
* * *
As a New Year's resolution, I've vowed not to eat any more fatty food. But I don't plan to eat any less, either.
* * *
Did you know that all condoms have serial numbers at the base?
Heh! You've probably never had to roll one down far enough!
* * *
My sister died over a bag of airplane peanuts. She couldn't open it to save her life.
* * *
Let's hear it for butter! It's on a roll!
* * *
I never had any intention of climbing up a really deadly peak like K2. Mt. Fuji seemed much less intimidating. But my brother warned me not to try it; he called it a slippery slope.
* * *
The Jews and the Boy Scouts... they both go to camp, but only the Boy Scouts come back.
* * *
I figured out a fool-proof way to drown blondes... paste a scratch-and-sniff sticker to the bottom of a swimming pool.
* * *
Li'l Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! I found a fake dollar bill in Daddy's wallet! Don't worry, though. I threw it away.
Mom: What? How did you know it was fake?
Li'l Johnny: There were a couple of extra zeros on it.
* * *
STD spread by Harry Potter: hogwarts.
* * *
My girlfriend's a feminist and she's turning me into one too. After watching her in the kitchen, I don't want her anywhere near it.
* * *
Librarian: This is the fifth text book you've ruined! What's with you!
Surgeon: Simple professional courtesy... I feel it wise always to remove the appendix.
* * *
The steel in the World Trade Center buildings was furious, and who can blame it! You can't go through all that stress and not lose your temper.
* * *
I thought I'd found a coffin full of baby ghosts, so I gave them a proper funeral. Turned out I'd buried a box of Kleenex.
* * *
A chicken coop has a front door and a back door. Only two... if it had any more, it'd be a chicken sedan.
* * *
My blonde neighbor died raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.
* * *
Official send-off for all southern sailboat racing: "Yawl come back now, y'hear!"
* * *
Why turn into a Muslim extremist on the off-chance of getting 72 virgins in heaven? Become a Catholic priest and claim 'em right now!
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